Avengers At Disney World
by CutieLemon07
Summary: Fury's fed up of the Avengers not behaving like a team, so he's sending them on a bonding trip to Disney World with Hill as their babysitter. Meanwhile, Coulson rarely gets to spend time with his kids so he takes them to Disney World. The problem? They're going at the same time as the Avengers-who don't know of Coulson's survival. Some sort of AU. Rated T for bad language.
1. Prologue

"So what now?" Tony Stark asked. He flipped the face plate up on his Iron Man armor and looked around, feeling grateful that he and the Avengers had managed to subdue Loki with minimum damage to New York City.

"We separate. Again." Steve Rogers put his shield back on his back.

"Yeah, I've got SHIELD stuff. Phil would probably kill me if I..." Clint Barton stopped his sentence abruptly. There was one thing he wasn't supposed to discuss with the rest of the Avengers-outside Natasha Romanoff-it was the survival of Agent Phil Coulson. "You know?" He said after a pause.

"Phil?" Tony asked. "As in Coulson?"

"No!" Clint laughed. "Phil as in..."

"Smith." Natasha said quickly. "Phil Smith. He's our new handler." Clint and Natasha exchanged quick glances. They knew that recently Phil Coulson had taken on the responsibility of fatherhood. Two kids. Max and Dana. At first, Clint had been skeptical and almost certain that Phil wanted to bring the kids into SHIELD to be agents somehow. It was only when he caught Phil reading _Goodnight Moon_ to the younger child-Dana-that Clint realized that Phil actually _wanted_ to be a father and not only that, but he _enjoyed_ it.

"I didn't know you got a new handler." Steve put his hands on his hips. "When did that happen?"

"A few days after the Battle of New York." Clint said. Again, they both knew the general circumstances surrounding Phil's survival-or rather his reanimation-and that Nick Fury 'moved Heaven and Earth' to bring him back. Clint sighed and Tony shot him a sympathetic glance.

"That soon, huh?"

"How else did they expect us to get shit done, Tony?"

"Hang on, who are we talking about here?" A new Avenger asked as he landed on the ground carefully. Falcon-AKA Sam Wilson. His mechanical wings retracted into his backpack.

"You wouldn't know him, Wilson." Tony waved him off.

"SHIELD agent. Our old handler." Clint said.

"Like SHIELD-SHIELD or Hydra-SHIELD?" Sam asked skeptically.

"SHIELD-SHIELD." Clint and Natasha said in unison.

"He i-was one of the good guys." Natasha almost caught herself speaking of Phil in the present tense.

"Best guy I've ever known." Clint sighed.

"He was a bit obsessive about me-in fact he was _very _obsessive about me. One time told me about his vintage card collection, you know, of me and then he told me that he watched me sleep when I was practically in a coma. It was borderline... "

"Like _Misery_?" Tony joked.

"What? No. Is this another reference I don't get?" Tony nodded. "No, it was just creepy."

"The Son of Coul was indeed a most gracious ally." Thor added.

"What do you guys remember most about him?" Sam asked, keen to know more about the man they were talking about. Everyone paused for a moment to remember Phil. Except Natasha and Clint who knew full well he was alive and had talked to him many times in the just over 4 years since the Battle of New York. Clint spoke up first.

"He was like a father to me. Despite being only something like 15 years older."

"Me too." Natasha said. "In many ways, Clint and I _were_ his children."

"He idolized me. He was my biggest fan." Steve sighed and hung his head. "And I never _did_ sign those Captain America cards for him."

"I remember how he locked me inside a room and tied me up to ask questions." Thor frowned. "But then he became a much doted upon ally before my brother wickedly speared him through the heart." Thor sighed. "But what can I say." He added. "He's adopted."

"Well, I remember how Phil threatened to tase me and watch _Supernanny_." Tony smiled. "In fact, I think that's the only thing I knew about him, that he liked _Supernanny_. Heh." The smile on Tony's face widened. It got Clint thinking if only Tony knew half the shit that Phil watched-and still _does_ watch. _Supernanny_ trumps Kardashians _any_ day of the week. "I really should have made more of an effort to get to know him. Even from Pepper." Tony's beaming smile quickly turned into a small, solemn one.

"He liked the Kardashians too." Natasha offered. Everyone started laughing as they walked away from the battle site together.

* * *

><p>The next day, Nick Fury called the Avengers into his office.<p>

"What's this about, Fury?" Tony asked arrogantly.

"It's about you. The Avengers." Fury said irritatedly. "You're _still_ not working well as a team." He growled. "Barnes, I don't remember seeing you at the battle yesterday." He said coldly, his eye focusing on Bucky, who was squirming in his seat. "Well, Barton and Romanoff work really well together, but I'd expect nothing less off SHIELD's finest assets." His eye quickly darted towards Steve. "As do Cap and Wilson." He exhaled sharply. "And as much as I hate to say it, Stark and Banner work alright together, too. But that's just it, isn't it? You're not_ supposed_ to be duos..." Fury slammed the palms of his hands down on the table so quickly that it startled everyone sitting at it. "You're supposed to be a TEAM!" Everyone looked down sheepishly. "What's wrong with asking that the Avengers-a _team_ of superheroes-work _as_ a team?"

"Nothing, Fury, I..."

"Shut it, Stark." Fury snapped. Tony slunk back into his seat. "You _not_ working as a team... You're disrespecting the memory of Agent Phil Coulson." Everyone's eyes widened in horror at the thought of that. Even Clint and Natasha pulled it off convincingly. Mostly because they actually _were_ shocked at the thought of disrespecting their good friend and handler.

"With all due respect, Sir, I..."

"Shut up, Cap." Fury glared at Steve with his one eye.

"No offense, Sir, but I outrank you."

"In the military, maybe. But this is _SHIELD_, goddamn it!" Steve bit his lip and sat back down. "Now, I believe we've had this little discussion before. Coulson believed in you guys and that you could work together. I'm not seeing any evidence of that. Answer me honestly now; are you?" Nobody dared answer. "I take your stony silence to mean "_no_" then. You are _not_ seeing evidence of teamwork." Fury grunted out of annoyance. "Maybe it's because I let you split up after missions. You need to get to know _and_ like each other." He pulled out an envelope from his trench coat. "So congratulations. Here's your new assignment." He said, flinging it on the table. Sam reached over and grabbed the envelope. As he opened it, everyone peered at him.

"Fury, what's the meaning of this?" Sam asked. "It's 8 tickets to Disney World. And over a grand in... Disney Dollars."

"Correction, Wilson. It's 8-one for each of you-7 _day_ tickets to Disney World. Wasn't sure if you wanted the Park Hopper option, so that's included too."

"This isn't a mission, you're _really_ sending us on vacation?" Clint asked, panic slowly filling his voice.

"Yeah, I'm sending you on vacation. And you're going _together_ and most of all, you're gonna like it." Even though the Avengers were told that they'd be going to Disney World, groans still filled the room.

"Why are we off to another realm-I am still learning to understand Midgard." Thor whined loudly. But not quite loud enough for the others not to be understood.

"I could've paid for this if I wanted to." Tony complained.

"Disney World? I'm not a child!" Natasha narrowed her eyes and folded her arms.

"Vacation? Why vacation? Not fair." Clint grumbled.

"How will it look, 8 adults going to Disney World? It looks bad." Sam moaned.

"What if the Other Guy comes out and I break something?" Bruce asked through legitimate concern. "That Small World song would be just enough to set him off. Everything could."

"Why can't we just 'bond' here? Why do we have to go wherever Disney World is?" Bucky groaned. "This isn't fair!"

"What's Disney World? Is it _exactly_ what I think it is? Like the Walt Disney studios or something?" Steve asked. "Why do we have to go? Why with Tony?"

"SHUT UP!" Fury bellowed out. Everyone stopped talking, even if they were mid word. "I will _not_ have petty squabbling in my motherfucking office!" Steve blushed. "Nor will I have 8 immature motherfucking superheroes talking over each other and giving me a motherfucking headache!" Fury said, glaring at everyone. "You _will_ go on this vacation. You _will_ bond. And you _will_ like it." Fury said, each statement getting more stern than the last. "Are we understood here?" Everyone nodded, mostly out of fear. "Your flight leaves in three hours. Go and pack. And before you say anything, Stark, I didn't trust you and your private jet. That's why you're taking a commercial airliner."

"First class?" Tony asked nervously.

Fury raised an eyebrow. "No." He said angrily. Tony looked almost fearful. He was the great Tony Stark! He flew everywhere by his private jet. Or his Iron Man suit. He flew commercial a few times, but never in... Coach. "Everyone okay with that?" Everyone nodded, again out of fear. "Good. Now get the hell out of my office." The Avengers each scrambled out of Nick Fury's office because they didn't want to face his wrath. He was quite terrifying when he was angry.

* * *

><p>Phil Coulson was in the kitchenette of his apartment making pancakes for himself and his children. He smiled to himself knowing how lucky he was. Yes, he was still suffering the effects of being stabbed and killed by Loki-in the form of flashbacks and nightmares-but he had kids. Kids he needed to look out for. Kids that were sitting on the floor playing <em>Lego<em> while _PBS Kids_ blared from the TV. Phil had tried to turn the TV off before he started on the pancakes, but loud protests from both kids meant that _Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood_ was now gracing his TV screen. Not that he minded. His youngest, Dana, was 4 and his oldest, Max, was still only 6.

Phil looked over at his kids, having fun together and then down at the pancakes. Today was the day he was taking a well earned vacation. Today was the day he was taking his kids with him. Today was the day he told his kids that they're going to Disney World. And he was going to do it using pancakes shaped like Mickey Mouse. He took another look at his kids and his heart filled with joy, seeing his daughter and son playing together, his daughter helping her brother as they stacked the _Lego_ bricks higher.

Phil sighed as he started humming the theme to _Mister Rogers' Neighborhood _to himself and began to set the table for breakfast. Forks-especially his daughter's Disney Princess fork. She wouldn't eat a meal without it. He filled cups with milk and set them out on the table, remembering that Dana would only drink pink milk from her Frozen cup. He knew he had to break his daughter off her obsession with Disney Princesses and for the next two weeks, he would be playing directly into it. Maple syrup and squirty cream went on the table-at the middle-along with the fresh fruit, because canned wasn't good enough for the Coulson children.

Finally, Phil took out the plates for his meticulously sculpted pancakes. He carefully took out of the pan and set them down on the small designated plates, his daughter's being on a Disney Princess plate and his son's being on a Captain America plate. His own was on a slightly larger Captain America plate. Phil didn't feel bad for passing on his obsession with Captain America down to his son, nor did he see a problem with it. He only saw a problem with obsessions over things _not_ named 'Captain America'.

"Alright kids, come and get it!" Phil called. He watched as his daughter jumped and skipped about her brother as he rose unsteadily onto his feet. While Dana pranced gracefully to the table, Max wobbled uncertainly and Phil walked over to him.

"Need some help, buddy?" He asked. Max nodded and Phil offered his son his hand. Max took it. They walked carefully to the table together and sat down.

"What's this, Daddy?" Dana asked.

"Pancakes." Phil smiled innocently.

"Why are they shaped like Mickey Mouse?" Max asked, more pressingly.

"Because today, I'm taking you to Disney World." He looked at his kids' shocked expressions. He wasn't quite sure they believed him. "What?" He asked, shoving a piece of pancake in his mouth. "I am." Phil's phone started to ring and he fumbled about in his pocket before he found it. "Hang on kids. Go watch _Daniel Tiger._" He smiled. "Coulson." He said instinctively as he raised the phone to his ear.

"Phil, it's Maria." The voice on the other end of the phone said.

"Maria, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly, standing up from the table.

"I know you're planning to take your kids to Disney World today." Phil nodded even though he knew Maria couldn't see him. "It's just that..." She paused.

"Go on."

"You heard what happened yesterday, with Loki?" She said gently. As he groaned, Maria sighed, knowing that Loki was a touchy subject for Phil. "Phil?" She prompted after not hearing anything for a while. "Still there, buddy?"

"Yeah. I heard. I heard there was some trouble in New York. No casualties and minimal damage." He said.

"That's right. Well the Avengers aren't getting on, so Fury..."

"What are you getting at, Maria?" Phil asked, sounding nervous.

"Watch your back when you're at Disney World. Fury's sent them there for the next two weeks on a 'bonding mission'-all _eight_ of them." There was a loud crash as Phil dropped the phone. He looked horrified.

"Phil? Phil are you there? Are you alright? Are you _there_?" Maria asked through the phone.

"Daddy? What's the matter?" Dana asked looking up, her eyes full of concern for her father. Phil snapped back into consciousness upon hearing his daughter's voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine honey, go back to _Daniel Tiger_." Phil said, picking up his dropped phone. Dana turned back to play with her brother.

"What was that?" Maria asked on the other line.

"_Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood_. My daughter loves it. My son, too. I remember _Mister Rogers_ though. I grew up watching the guy-loved him almost as much as a certain _other _Mr. Rogers, I did when..."

"Phil, you're rambling." Maria said coldly.

"Sorry." Phil said sheepishly.

"Are you okay with the Avengers being in Disney World? Do you want to cancel?" Maria asked, concerned.

"Nah, I'll do it." Phil smiled. "After all..." He added. "What's the worst that can happen?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I do not own the Avengers, only Coulson's adopted kids. **

**I know I have another Avengers story on the go, but I couldn't resist posting this one up too. This one's light-hearted and fun as opposed to my other one. Or at least it's supposed to be. ****I mean, Coulson's a single dad to two adopted kids in this one and the Avengers _still_ just don't get along. Or know that Coulson's alive. And yet, they're going to be at Disney World at the exact same time. Fortunately for Coulson, Maria Hill is babysitting the Avengers and knows he's alive. With her help, he can avoid being caught by Captain America and his group of extraordinary misfits right? Yep. That's what Coulson thought too. **

**Cue the madness.**


	2. On the Way

Tony seethed as he dragged a suitcase along the tarmac of the airport. He didn't want to go to Disney World. Oh, how he didn't want to go to Disney World. Unfortunately, Fury had pretty much ordered him to go, so he was stuck going.

Tony assumed he was the last one to arrive and when he boarded the plane, he found out he was. He was also pleasantly surprised and secretly grateful that Fury hadn't forced him to fly coach as he was boarding a SHIELD private jet.

"Should've figured you'd be the last one to get here, Stark." Fury said, narrowing his eye at Tony.

"Yeah, well... Whatever." He muttered.

"You missed my little speech." Fury said.

"Which was?" Tony rolled his eyes.

"I had difficulties finding an agent to cover you on such short notice and frankly I'm surprised they even volunteered at all." Fury smiled wickedly. "You all know Maria Hill." He said as Maria walked over to him, phone in hand.

"Phil? Phil are you there? Are you alright? Are you _there_?" Maria asked, looking slightly panicked.

"She's going to accompany you to Disney World." Fury put his hand on Maria's shoulder.

"What was that?" Maria asked her phone.

"What? Like... A babysitter?" Tony asked. Fury nodded with a devious grin plastered on his face and Tony's jaw dropped.

"Phil, you're rambling." Maria said coldly to her phone, putting one arm over her chest.

"_Exactly_ like a babysitter, Stark."

"Are you okay with the Avengers being in Disney World? Do you want to cancel?" Maria asked. Her voice was full of concern.

"Enjoy it." Fury clapped Maria on the shoulder and began to exit the plane. "Have fun in Orlando, Avengers! See you in two weeks!" He cackled as he walked down the stairs onto the airport tarmac.

"Alright if you're sure." Maria rolled her eyes as she waved Fury farewell. "See you soon, Phil." She caught sight of the Avengers looking at her both confused and accusingly. "Love you so much honey! See you in two weeks!" She made a kissing noise down the phone before hanging up and laughed internally thinking of what Coulson must have been thinking in that moment. She had to though. She couldn't have the Avengers knowing that Coulson was alive. Well, the Avengers _not_ named Clint or Natasha.

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Hill." Tony smiled. "Didn't figure you for the type to settle down."

"I didn't think you were the type to settle down either, Stark." Maria said as she took her seat. Tony blushed as snickers from the rest of the Avengers filled the plane.

"Yes, well..." Tony sat down in the only available seat, next to Steve. Bruce and Sam were sitting behind. On the other side of the aisle, Clint and Natasha were sitting next to each other with Thor and Maria sitting in front of them and across from Steve and Tony. And in front of them was Bucky, who Steve _tried_ to get to sit with him, but he wanted to sit alone. "And what kind of private jet is this?" Tony asked indignantly. "I've got a bigger jet than this. I know lots of people with bigger jets than this."

"It's a private plane, Stark." Maria sighed. "Not a private jet private jets are bigger." She said, fiddling with her phone. Tony folded his arms and began to sulk. He was determined not to have fun at Disney World. Very determined.

* * *

><p>Phil washed the dishes he and his kids had eaten breakfast from. His kids were both sat on the couch, now watching <em>Sesame Street<em>. He smiled to himself on hearing their laughter as he kept all the plates and cutlery ready for use for when they came back from Disney World.

"Kids, have you forgotten already? Let's go get dressed!" He urged with a big smile on his face. "You're going to Disney World!" Phil still wasn't sure whether either of his kids really believed this, but he figured he'd just let them see for themselves when they got to the airport. Dana jumped from the couch and began to skip and prance to her room. Max looked up at Phil and raised his arms, an indication for Phil to carry him. Phil smiled kindly down on his oldest child and lifted him up, carrying him to the room he shared with his sister.

"Daddy, I'm gonna wear this and this and this and... Oh! And this!" Dana said, pulling out various mismatching clothes and eventually a _Frozen_ tutu.

"Whoa, easy there, Honey." Phil smiled at his youngest child's enthusiasm and gently setting his oldest child down on his bed with its Iron Man themed sheets. "How about I pick you out something nice, huh?" The little girl nodded. Phil walked over to her open drawers and picked out a white Beauty and the Beast t-shirt, a pair of flamingo pink leggings and a ruffled knee length skirt in a shade darker. "Come on, put these on." He smiled handing the small child her clothes. Dana grinned exposing her missing front teeth as she took the clothes into the bathroom. "Don't forget your underwear!" Phil called out, holding out a pair of underwear. His daughter took them, grinning that same toothless grin before running back into the bathroom. Phil remembered how he had panicked a few short weeks ago when those teeth fell out, thinking she had a gum disease because he was a bad parent. That was before her dentist assured him it was normal for some kids to loose teeth at age 4. He turned over to his son. "Since you're already wearing your jeans, what t-shirt do you want to wear today, buddy?" He asked.

"How about... My Hawkeye t-shirt?" The boy asked eagerly. Phil smirked briefly before turning it into a smile.

"Hawkeye, you got it!" Phil opened up his son's drawers and searched for his son's Hawkeye t-shirt, which he eventually found under a _Cookie Monster_ t-shirt and a Captain America sweater. He threw the t-shirt to his son, who tried to catch it. "Reflexes are getting better, buddy." Phil said, picking the clothing item up off the floor and handing it to his son.

"But not good enough." Max hung his head and Phil bit his lip trying not to cry.

"Some people can never be happy, Max." Phil said carefully. "But you should be, because you're going to Disney World today." He knelt down so he was eye level with the little boy. "Just think." He began. "This evening, you could be meeting Mickey Mouse himself." This caused Max to give his dad a little smile. "Now, where are your leg braces?" Phil asked before looking under his son's bed-that's where they usually were. And sure enough, it's also where they were that day. "Who do you want to meet then?" Phil asked, carefully placing Max's right leg into a plastic moulded leg brace.

"I wanna see Mickey Mouse of course!" Max said, as if it should be obvious. Phil chuckled a bit.

"Can't go all the way to Disney without meeting the Mouse himself, can we?" Max beamed with delight as his father strapped his leg into the brace, before he moved onto the left leg.

"I wanna see Buzz Lightyear too!" He shouted excitedly. "And Donald and Goofy and Hiro and Baymax and..." Max was getting more excitable with each character's name.

"Whoa, slow down there, buddy!" Phil chuckled. "There'll be plenty of time for that later!" He said, smiling as he fastened the last strap on his son's leg brace.

"I know." Max said. The smile suddenly vanished from his face. Phil noticed.

"What's wrong, Max? Are you okay?" Phil gently put his hand on his son's shoulder.

"We really _are_ going to Disney World? Right?" Max said, his chocolate colored eyes staring into Phil's blue ones.

"Of _course_ we are." Phil smiled. "Have I _ever_ lied to you?" Just then Max wrapped his arms around Phil, who more than happily hugged his son back.

"Daddy!" Dana called out from the bathroom. Phil pulled himself up off the floor and walked over to the bathroom to check on his daughter. When he walked in, nothing could prepare him for what he saw. Toilet water was overflowing into the bathroom and his daughter appeared to be... Foaming at the mouth?

"What's going on in here?" He asked, folding his arms. Dana, for her part, looked sheepish. Phil simply shook his head and walked over to the sink, where his daughter was standing. "Spit it out." He said firmly, realizing that she was only foaming at the mouth because she was brushing her teeth by herself-something Phil had told her _not_ to do, countless times-and had used far too much toothpaste. She did as she was told. Phil then fumbled around under the sink for the toilet plunger and sighed as he realized his daughter had put a whole roll of toilet paper down the toilet. He shouldn't have to be doing this, not on the morning of his vacation. Maybe this vacation wouldn't go as smooth as he thought.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, up in the air, Steve was leaned over the table and telling war stories to Tony, who was doing his damnedest to block them out.<p>

"And so I said to Howard, 'why isn't this standard issue?' and he replied back that I had the entire world's supply on my shield-and apparently, I still do." Steve tapped the metal shield at his feet. "And then..." Tony turned to face Maria.

"Why did I have to go on a SHIELD mandated vacation to Disney World?" He whined, interrupting Steve's story about his beloved star-spangled shield.

"Because you aren't bonding." Maria said, disinterested in Tony's complaints. "How many times must I explain it to you?"

"It's not _fair_!" He wailed.

"Well, you're here now." Maria stared at him coldly. "You might as well get used to the idea." Tony huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, holding them there so tightly that they just about covered all light omitted from his arc reactor.

Behind them, he could hear Natasha and Clint sharing a bowl of ice cream and laughing. Oh, how Tony was irritated at their laughter.

"I tell you what would be fun." Natasha said. She had a Stark Pad in front of her and was looking at Disney World park maps. "We get FastPass+ for Big Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain and Space Mountain."

"I like the way you think." Clint said, taking a spoonful of ice cream and guiding it towards his mouth, looking at the upside down Stark Pad. "But what are we gonna do about the 7 Dwarfs Mine Train?" He asks, tapping on the ride. "Wait times are expected to be like 2 hours long."

"2 hours?!" Natasha almost choked on her ice cream in disbelief. "Then we get another FastPass+ for another day." She said once she'd recovered enough.

"We could use the disability pass though, right?" Clint asked.

"Nah, they stopped all that since people used it fraudulently." She shrugs. "Besides, who out of _us_ is disabled?"

"Stark." Clint said, his mouth full of ice cream. He swallowed. "He's got a heart defect. That arc thing." He put his spoon into the ice cream and pulled it out with a small mound of ice cream sitting on it. "And arguably Bruce." He shrugged, putting the spoon in his mouth.

"That's kind of true." Natasha arched her eyebrows. "We wouldn't want the 'Other Guy' making an appearance and destroying Cinderella's Castle now, would we?"

"Cinderella would go nuts." Clint chuckled. "And so would the Disney Corporation!" Natasha and Clint both began to laugh heartily which really irked Tony. Steve had moved on to telling a story about the love of his life-Peggy Carter-which sickened Tony right to his miserable core. Behind him, Bruce and Sam were playing Go Fish.

"Got any threes?" Sam asked.

"Go fish." Bruce said, halfheartedly. Sam picked up a card from the remainder of the deck in front of them. "Got any sevens?"

"Yeah, here you go." Sam sighed, handing Bruce the 7 of Clubs. "Got any Jacks?"

"Go fish." Bruce said.

"Is it me, or is this game just mind numbingly boring?" Sam asked as he took another card.

"I don't know. Probably. It _is_ boring." Bruce shrugged. "Any ones?"

"Yeah. Here." Sam grunted, handing Bruce the 1 of Hearts. "Are there any other games we could play?"

"I suppose we could play 52 Pickup." Bruce said, struggling to conceal the smile that was forming.

"No, Bruce, I ain't falling for that." Sam said, slamming his cards down on the tiny aircraft table.

"Oh no?" Bruce raised an eyebrow and snatched Sam's cards.

"Hey!" Sam protested, but Bruce had already thrown all the cards onto the floor.

"52 Pickup!" Bruce yelled out with a smirk. Sam narrowed his eyes at Bruce.

"I hate you, you know that?" Sam glared at Bruce, who was still smirking. "I'm _not_ going to pick up those cards."

"You have to." Bruce cocked his head innocently. "It's 52 Pickup."

"Well, what if I just leave them there?" Sam half shrugs.

"Those were my father's cards. You can't just leave them there." Bruce snorted. "I'm getting mad." Sam relaxed his mini stand-off with Bruce. He would _not_ want to be the reason that the Hulk freaked out on a private jet leaving only two survivors. Well, three. Tony probably had his Iron Man suit with him-or one of them. Especially since Sam thought he saw Bruce's eye turn green.

"You're a piece of work, you know that?" Sam stood up almost fearfully. Tony turned around and saw Sam on his knees in the plane aisle, picking Bruce's playing cards back up. Tony groaned and put his head in his hands. Steve was still rambling on about Peggy. How she had wonderful eyes, how soft her skin and lips were, how shiny her hair was and how hard she could give a punch. Tony was way past the point of caring. He just wanted Steve to shut up or he'd jump out the door _without_ his Iron Man suit. Tony checked his watch and felt even more suicidal when he saw that they were only just over an hour into a 3 hour flight. Bucky was being oddly quiet, but he's a guy who wanted to be alone. And at least Maria had the usually obnoxious Thor under control. He was reading _Us Weekly_.

* * *

><p>Phil dragged his and his kids' suitcases out of the building and was loading them into his family car. He had one of his neighbors help out with his kids by watching them as he did this.<p>

"Hey, Phil!" Another neighbor ran out from the apartment building to greet him. "Need a hand?" He asked.

"Nah, I can do it." Phil smiled. "I'm a big boy, Tom."

"Never said you weren't." Tom smiled back.

"There is _something_ you can do though." Phil turned to look at Tom. "Can you go up to my apartment and get Max's wheelchair? I could use a hand loading it into the car."

"Sure thing, Phil."

"I got Eddie and Chrissie watching the kids while I'm loading my car up."

"Can't trust 'em?" Tom chuckled.

"I have a _lot_ of important things in my apartment, Tom and two of them are my kids." Phil chuckled back.

"I'll go now." Tom reentered the apartment complex and Phil sat down on the trunk of his car, smiling. The last time he had any time off was when he adopted his children and even _that_ was only for two weeks. He loved his kids a lot, even if biologically they weren't his. He remembered the look on Fury's face when Phil walked into his office and told him that he'd applied for an adoption. Fury looked at Phil as if Phil had just lost his mind. He wondered if it was a result of the alien drug that he'd had Phil injected with and almost called for a SHIELD medical team until Agent May ran in and explained what was happening. Fury then became really supportive of Phil and he and some other agents-including Sitwell before he was revealed to be Hydra and killed by Winter Soldier-gave Phil good character references.

After a year and a bit, he was approved to adopt. He chose 18 month old Dana, but found out she had an older brother who had cerebral palsy. As soon as he met Max, he knew he wanted them _both_ and after a row with Fury about being an Agent in his 50s and taking on the responsibility of a disabled child, Phil set about making his home kid-proof. As soon as they came home it seemed Phil went back to work, but he couldn't imagine life without them-his kids. And now he was here and couldn't get over how time had just snuck up on him.

"Phil!" Phil's head snapped up so quickly, it's a mystery why he didn't get whiplash. He saw it was Tom.

"Yeah, Tom?" Phil said, pushing himself up out of the trunk of his car. His _family_ car.

"I got Max's chair, but Eddie and Chrissie gotta go to work."

"Alright, could you just put the chair in carefully and I'll be right back." Phil ran into the apartment complex, thanking himself for buying that practical station wagon over the fancy looking sedan and called for the elevator.

When Phil opened the door to his apartment, he saw Eddie and Chrissie sitting at the table, playing 'Snow White Gets Rescued by Captain America' with his kids, their favorite game. Only sometimes Snow White would get substituted for Cinderella, Ariel, Rapunzel or Belle.

"Ready to go kids?" Phil said with a big grin on his face. Both kids squealed with excitement. Dana sprang off her chair and bounced around Phil, still clutching tightly on to her Snow White doll. Eddie and Chrissie stood up and Dana grabbed Phil's arm, still bouncing up and down.

"Thanks, Chrissie. Thanks, Eddie." Phil said to the couple as he was being jerked about by his hyperactive pre-schooler.

"No problem Phil." Chrissie said.

"Need any babysitters when you get back off vacay, let us know." Eddie smiled. "You _need_ to get back in the game, give these kids a mom."

"Nah. The last relationship I was in didn't exactly work out well." He shrugged.

"The cellist?" Chrissie asked. Phil nodded. "Didn't she just leave you? Is that who their mom is?"

Phil chuckled. "No. Dana and Max are adopted."

"They allowed a single man to adopt?" Chrissie asked in disbelief.

"Well, I had no criminal record and I'm an upstanding... IT guy." Phil didn't want _anyone_ to know about his profession,_ especially_ when it could endanger his young children. So to those living in and around his apartment building, Phil was just your friendly neighborhood computer programmer.

"Huh." Eddie shrugged. "Nice to know I could still get kids if we split."

"Hey!" Chrissie said in mock anger.

"Alright, take it easy, guys." Phil said, before the couple could kiss in front of his children.

"Bye, Phil." They said together as they left his apartment. Phil turned to his kids.

"We going to Disney World, or what?"

* * *

><p>It was now around halfway through the flight and Tony was positive that SHIELD were flying their tiny private plane as slow as possible just to wind him up.<p>

"And so I said to Bucky..." Oh god. Why won't Steve shut up? "But Bucky grabbed my shield and hid behind it. Self preservation and all that." Please shut up, Steve.

"Maria!" Tony blurted out. "Are you excited for Disney World?" He asked, in a bid to shut Steve up.

"Not particularly." Maria said, fiddling on her SHIELD mandated phone. She was texting someone. Her boyfriend Phil. Tony began to smirk.

"Texting Phil?" Tony said cockily. Maria's eyes widened in shock.

"What? Who told you about that? You're not supposed to know-it's classified!" She said panicked.

"Chill out, it was a joke." Tony rolled his eyes. "Girls are _always_ defensive when it comes to their boyfriends." He muttered.

"I do _not_ have a boyfriend, Tony." Maria said calmly.

"Then who were you making kissy noises to down the phone?" Maria looked away from Tony. "Are you lesbian?"

"No, Tony." She said sourly.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No, Tony."

"Nephew? Uncle perhaps?" Maria shook her head. "There's a guy in your life named Phil and he's close enough to you that you make kissy noises over the phone to him." Tony rubbed his goatee. "I'm gonna find out who it is."

"Just not in the next two weeks. This is playtime, not work time." Maria said in monotone, still playing on her phone. "Besides, I'm not texting anyone. I'm playing _Angry Birds_." She turned the screen so it faced Tony and there he saw it-4 little birds of varying colors and sizes with structures of varying materials around several little green pigs. Tony nodded.

"So that's _Angry Birds.._." Tony said sheepishly.

"Yes, Tony, that _is_ _Angry Birds_." She turned the screen back around and carried on playing.

"Angry birds? Where are the angry birds? I shall take them down!" Thor rapidly stood up from his seat and picked up his hammer.

"It's just a game, Point Break." Tony rolled his eyes at the naive demi-god.

"A game?" Thor lowered his hammer.

"Yeah. That's it. It's on her phone." Tony pointed to Maria's phone and smiled. He'd much rather explain the concept of video games to Thor than listen to another one of Captain America's war stories. Even though they were better than listening to an old person telling them-because to Steve, World War II was only a few years ago and thus he remembered them more vividly, but that _was_ the problem. He included _every_ damn detail.

Clint and Natasha were still busy planning out the first day in the Magic Kingdom and had now taken out a second Stark Pad, which Clint was writing on with a stylus.

"So we have FastPass+ for the three mountains-" Clint began.

"I just thought of something." Natasha said, interrupting Clint. "What if Bruce... You know." She whispers.

"Please." Clint rolled his eyes. "If he were to do that on any ride, it'd be It's a Small World." He waved Natasha off.

"So we don't take him on Small World." She shrugs.

"What about dining reservations?" Clint looked up from his Stark Pad. "Do we _want_ character meals?"

"_That_ would be funny." Natasha smiled wickedly. "I'd pay good money to see Eeyore hug Tony."

"Or Cinderella."

"He's so vain, he'd probably take selfies with them or something." The two assassins shared a laugh at Tony's expense.

Sam and Bruce now each had their phones out.

"Bastard." Sam muttered under his breath.

"I got triple points." Bruce said nonchalantly. "I'm playing by the rules."

"But you scored 62 points on me."

"Deal with it." Bruce shrugged. "You can still score points."

"But you have 62 points on me." Sam growled softly.

"Hey, _I'm_ the Hulk here." Bruce arched his eyebrows. "It's just _Words with Friends_, don't take it so seriously."

"Did I ever tell you the time of when Dum Dum Dugan got drunk and passed out and we all wrote on him?" Tony grunted and narrowed his eyes at Steve.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Chapter 2. I'm enjoying writing this way more than I should. **

**I don't own the Avengers. **


	3. There at Last

The Avengers and Maria managed to land at Orlando International Airport without another outburst from Tony. As soon as they all got off the SHIELD plane, Maria checked her text messages, which she admitted to herself that she should have done sooner.

**we at the airport**

**we bout to fly out now**

**Maria?**

**r u ok?**

**answer me Maria**

**the gh325 is eating me inside **

**like the chestbursters in Alien**

She stopped paying attention after the third message from Phil Coulson. However, she couldn't help but read on and smile at his desperation to contact her. She _did _show a little panic at the sixth message, but as soon as she saw the seventh, she rolled her eyes.

"So he doesn't just watch _Supernanny _and_ Teen Mom_." Maria smiled to herself and skimmed over the rest of the messages.

**Maria? **

**Im dyig maria**

**I got stabbed by loki agin**

**in the head**

**I'm bleeing 2 death**

**help me**

**Maria?**

They continued like this and she kept her phone in her pocket.

"Messages from _Phil_?" Tony said in sing-song.

"None of your business, Stark." Maria folded her arms.

"Has anyone ever told you how..."

"Beautiful I am? Yes, Stark. So I don't need to hear it from you."

"No. How much you look like Robin Sparkles."

"Shut up, Stark."

"Hey, can we go to _McDonalds_?" Clint asked eagerly.

"Clint, you just had a massive ice cream sundae on the flight over here." Maria sighed in disbelief.

"Yeah, but I didn't have a cheeseburger."

"If we're getting cheeseburgers, take us to _Burger King_." Tony chimed in.

"No. We're not going for cheeseburgers." Maria said adamantly. "We're going to get into the mini bus and go to the hotel."

"Which hotel?" Bruce asked.

"So glad you asked, Bruce, Coronado Springs." Maria pulled out a leaflet from her jeans pocket and handed it to Bruce.

"Wow. This looks really cool." Bruce smiled.

"So there's a pool?" Steve said, craning his neck to examine the paper in Bruce's hand. "And a water slide?

"Water slide? No way!" Bucky shouted excitedly.

"You had water slides back before you became a Capsicle?" Tony asked.

"Tony, I fought in World War II. Not the Civil War." Steve clarified.

"That's not according to the comics." Tony muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing!" Tony said quickly.

"Tony, if you have something to say, say it."

"God, come on!" He shouted, defensively.

"What is it you require, Man of Iron?" Thor asked loudly.

"Not you Thor." Tony waved him off.

"He's not even God." Steve said.

"No, that is because I am _a_ God, the God of Thunder!" Thor raised his hammer high.

"There's only one God." Steve said, folding his arms. "Pretty sure he doesn't dress like you." Thor looked at Steve furiously causing Steve to raise his shield above his head.

"Guys, no!" Maria shouted, standing between them. "No fighting! This is a _bonding_ trip!"

"I was not going to fight this man." Thor said. He lowered his hammer slightly. "I was merely going to strike him with my hammer, Mjolnir." He shrugged.

"Yeah, cuz that _really_ worked out last time, didn't it, Point Break?" Tony said, clapping Thor on the shoulder. Steve lowered his shield.

"It's over?" Steve asked, hesitantly.

"Yeah, it's all over, Steve." Bucky placed his hand gently on his friend's shoulder.

"See, _this_ is why Fury mandated the retreat." Maria said once both Steve and Thor had lowered their weapons. "You are getting out of hand with your petty fighting. And frankly it's getting on _everyone's_ last nerve." She sighed and shot an angry look Bucky's way. "That's those of you who actually turn up to missions."

"Yeah, _Bucky_." Clint folded his arms. "You're worse than Ant Man. And he created Ultron!"

"No, that was me." Tony interjected.

"You? I don't remember it being you." Clint says, pulling a worn copy of Age of Ultron from his pocket. "Says here Ultron was created by Hank Pym, but that was way back in Avengers #55 in the 1960s."

"Well, not in_ this_ universe." Tony shrugs. "It was me. Also, in this universe, Ant Man is Scott Lang. He went to jail."

"Alright." Clint says skeptically, putting the comic book back in his pocket. "Whatever you say, Tony."

"And this universe also created Phil Coulson."

"Tony, is that you I'm on this childish trip with, or are you actually Deadpool in disguise?" Natasha asked, folding her arms skeptically. "Because I swear you're getting more nuts by the day."

"Nuts?" 'Tony was taken aback. "I'll show you who's nuts!" Tony raised his fist to punch Natasha, but Clint came between them both before anything could happen.

"Guys, ix-nay on the mutant-ay." Clint hissed. "We're not allowed to mention anything of mutants or the Fantastic 4 in this universe either."

"Or Spider Man." Steve added.

"What the hell has Spider Man got to do with any of this?" Bucky shouted. "They were arguing about Deadpool!"

"Don't you raise your voice at me, Bucky!" Steve raised his shield once again. "We're _supposed_ to be best friends-till the end of the line, remember?!"

Natasha grabbed Bucky's shoulder, turning him to face her. "Yeah! Don't raise your voice at Steve!" She spat. "I damaged that arm of yours once before, I can totally do it again."

"You do that and I'll shoot you again!" Bucky countered.

"What is the point of this mindless arguing?" Bruce said calmly. "It serves no purpose only than to create tension within our group."

"I'm with the Hulk on this one." Sam said.

"Dude, don't call me the Hulk, I'm not the Hulk." Bruce snapped.

"Fucking whatever." Sam waved him off.

"I swear to God, Clint, shut the hell up!" Tony shouted. "Someone get Legolas out of here!"

"I didn't even say anything that time, Tony!" Clint raised his voice.

"To be fair, Tony, he _really_ didn't." Steve said.

"Thank you, Cap." Clint glared at Tony.

"Your presence is annoying me."

Bruce turned away from Sam. "And I suppose the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist just gets whatever the fuck he wants, right?"

"Don't blame me, you know it's true." Tony said casually as everyone glared angrily at him.

"GET IN THE MINI BUS!" Maria shouted and the heroes all quietened down and piled into the mini bus sheepishly.

* * *

><p>Phil had just sent his twentieth message to Maria. He knew she was probably mid flight, but wanted to wind her up anyway. He had just touched down in Orlando International Airport-well, not <em>just<em>. It had been around an hour since he had to wait on for his family's baggage and his son's wheelchair. He was outside the airport with his two kids and they were waiting for the Disney's Magical Express coach because according to Melinda May, there's no way you could go on vacation to Disney World and stay in a Disney Resort _without_ going there on the Disney's Magical Express coach. It was really getting hot, so Phil took off his jacket, exposing his t-shirt. Phil couldn't remember the last time he wore a t-shirt, jeans _and_ sneakers, normally it was just a work suit. His daughter was bouncing around hyperactively, while his son excitedly reeled off as many Disney character names as he could. That coupled with the heat made Phil convinced he was going to have some sort of psychotic breakdown before the bus actually got there.

* * *

><p>Nobody said anything in the mini bus. Instead, they all sat in their seats, moping. Well, Thor didn't. Thor was excited and kept peppering Maria with questions.<p>

"What will this 'Disney World' be like? I assume we're still on Midgard and that this 'Disney World' is some sort of kingdom in Midgard. It's really hot where we are now. Where are we now? Why is it so hot? New Mexico was hot, but this somehow seems different. Are we going to have fun? Will it be like glorious battle?"

"Thor, please shut the hell up." Maria pinched the bridge of her nose. "Also, try to wear some normal clothes, we've got you under your Donald Blake alias."

"Alias?"

"What Dr. Selvig calls you."

"Is he coming with Jane and Darcy?" Thor asked, somehow more excited than before.

"No." Maria said simply.

"Oh." Thor sighed, feeling deflated*.

"Maria!" Clint called. "I have to go potty."

"Gee, Legolas, you're a trained assassin and you still say 'go potty'. Wow." Tony smiled.

"Don't think about it, Stark." Clint narrowed his eyes.

"What?" Tony smiled innocently. "I wasn't going to do _anything_."

"Clint, I'm not stopping." Maria turned around to see the now shirtless assassin. She studied the scars criss-crossing his body. "What happened to your clothes, Barton?"

"I had a SHIELD tactical vest on, Maria." Clint said as if it were obvious. "It's hardly Disney World wear. It's work wear."

"I'm still not taking you to the bathroom."

"Maria, please." Clint said, dragging out the vowels.

"No." Maria said and turned around. Clint reached down in his backpack and pulled out a severely wrinkled purple t-shirt.

"Not fair." He grunted.

"Yes fair." Maria said.

"You never answered my question." Thor said after a brief silence.

"Which one was that then, Thor?" Maria sighed with boredom.

"Where are we and why is it so hot?"

"We're in Florida." She said, turning to the Asgardian God sitting on her right. "And it's a different kind of heat because it's humid heat."

"I do not understand."

"New Mexico had dry heat because it's a desert. But here it rains all the time and there's moisture in the air." Maria paused for thought. "Fuck it, I'm not a scientist. Bruce, explain humidity to Thor."

"We call the amount of water vapor in the air humidity." Bruce said. "The more water vapor that is in the air, the higher the humidity has risen."

"I don't get it." Thor said. "How can there be water in the air?"

"It's just a vapor. It's not actually real water." Bruce rolled his eyes. "And the reason humidity makes it seem hotter is because the water vapor in the air effectively reduces the effectiveness of the body to be able to sweat, because the sweat isn't getting enough of a chance to evaporate off the body."

"I still don't get it."

"Never mind." Bruce muttered.

"Look, we're almost there, can we just _not _get into yet _another_ petty argument about the most random of shit?" Maria said, exasperated. "Fucking please?" Nobody answered. "Just stay like this, nice and quiet." Maria pulled out her phone and began to text Phil.

**Phil, I'm fine. How did you put up with the Avengers, they're like children?**

She sent the text and sat back. Natasha and Clint had moved on from planning the first day and had moved on to planning the second day in Epcot. Maria's phone buzzed in her lap. Phil had replied.

**Because Fury considered me to be one :p**

"Typical Phil." Maria smiled. "Can't believe that stiff knows emoticons." She immediately punched out her reply.

**any tips? Theyre giving me a head ache**

After listening to more of Natasha and Clint, Maria got her reply.

**you mean Starks giving you a hedache**

Maria sighed and typed out her response-one which she didn't even have to think about.

**yes**

Maria could just imagine the delights Phil was getting from that text. He was probably grinning really hard with some sort of 'I told you so' smug satisfaction painted on his face. She received another text.

**sorry. no help. **As she was reading, her phone went off again. **You get used to his overbearing soon. I did.**

She looked at the next text.

**but it took me like 6 moths**

**fuck you.** She wrote.

* * *

><p>Phil sat with his kids on the Disney's Magical Express coach. Well, actually, he sat behind them because he wasn't going to sit with one and not the other, so he sat them together. A man sat next to Phil, his wife and daughter sat behind. Phil's kids were occupied by the Stark Pad that Phil had brought along.<p>

"Hi." The guy next to Phil said.

"Uh... Hi." Phil said awkwardly in return.

"I'm Todd. It's my family's third visit to Disney World this year." The man smiled.

"It's my family's first." Phil said. "And before you tell me where I need to visit and that I simply _must_ ride on Pirates of the Caribbean, I'm just gonna say that I've been to Disney World before. My kids haven't." Technically, Phil _wasn't_ lying, since he had been on an undercover assignment for a week at Epcot Center last year. Maria had looked after his kids.

"They're _your_ kids?" Todd asked. "I thought you might be their grandpa or something."

"Nope. They're _my_ kids." Phil raised an eyebrow. "You young people aren't the only people who can have kids."

"Where's the mom?"

"I'm single."

"Divorced? Is this a custody thing?"

"No, I'm single." Phil said coolly. "I have had relationships, but the last one, got broken off before the kids were mine."

"What happened?"

"I died." Phil said bluntly, causing Todd to look at Phil fearfully. Phil leaned over the seats to briefly check on his kids and sat back down.

"You died?" Todd asked. "Like clinical death of like a minute or something? Major surgery?"

"You could say that..." Phil trailed off and rubbed his chest where what he called the 'Loki scar' is. "And more like a few days." He turned to look out the window.

"You..." Todd whimpered. "Days huh?" His voice was noticeably more high pitched.

"The information's all out there if you know where to look." Phil said under his breath.

"Huh. I did not need to know that." Todd stared at the should-really-be-dead-man through morbid curiosity. Phil wondered why he told a strange man that he'd been dead for days. He also hoped that the guy wouldn't ask any questions about it. Phil eventually came to the conclusion that he just didn't want the guy talking to him and creeped him out to achieve his goal. Phil leaned to check on his kids again and then slumped back, concluding that his kids were happy watching Disney World 'propaganda' on the overhead screens. He felt a buzz go off in his pocket-his phone and checked to see who was texting him. It was Maria Hill.

**Phil, I'm fine. How did you put up with the Avengers, they're like children?**

The text read. Phil smiled to himself and typed out a reply.

**Because Fury considered me to be one :p**

Yes, he was a government stiff, but Phil knew emoticons. He was 52, not stupid. Seemingly immediately he got a reply.

**any tips? Theyre giving me a head ache**

Phil thought for a second and smirked as he typed out his response and sent it.

**you mean Starks giving you a hedache**

Phil didn't even have a chance to lock his phone screen before he got the next reply which was a simple one word answer.

**yes**

**sorry. no help. **He typed. **You get used to his overbearing soon. I did.**

He sent another text immediately following.

**but it took me like 6 moths**

After a brief passage of time, Phil received another text. He looked at and it fought hard to hold back his laughter.

**fuck you.** It read.

* * *

><p>The mini bus carrying Maria and the Avengers stopped at a traffic light and Steve looked out the window.<p>

"Coronado Springs Resort and Convention Center." He read. "Is this it?"

"Yeah, Cap. This is it." Maria replied. "We're here." The mini bus turned in to the resort, giving the Avengers the chance to look around at all the palm trees surrounding them.

"Where's Mickey Mouse?" Steve asked. "I'm not seeing him anywhere.

"You will soon, Spangles." Tony said. "Hang on-so you get the concept of Disney World then?"

"Tony, by the time I was frozen, Disney had already brought out Snow White, Pinocchio, Fantasia, Dumbo, Bambi, Saludos Amigos, The Three Caballeros plus a lot of short cartoons like Steamboat Willie." Steve glared at Tony, who was sitting opposite him. "Plus in the time that I've been unfrozen, there's been Tangled, Brave, Monsters University, Winnie the Pooh, Wreck-It Ralph, Frozen and Big Hero 6." He sighed. "Sorry to say, but I'm _well_ familiar with Disney."

"Is Big Hero 6 _allowed_ to exist in our universe?" Clint asked. "Since in the comics, we're apparently supposed to know Sunfire?"

"And Sunfire's supposed to know Wolve..."

"Let's just ignore that fact, shall we?" Tony whispered loudly, interrupting Natasha. The mini bus came to a halt outside a large building.

"Alright." Maria said. "Everyone get out and don't make me say that twice." Everyone piled out the mini bus. Maria got out first and Thor followed. Clint was the last one out. Maria looked around her group and noticed that Thor was carrying his hammer, Captain America had his shield, Sam had his winged backpack and Clint had his bow and quiver full of deadly, dangerous arrows. "Weapons in the bus." She said sternly. "NOW!" She barked. Everyone carrying some kind of weapon ran back onto the bus and left them there.

"What do I do about my arm, Maria? I mean, it's a weapon too, right?" Bucky pondered.

"It's also a prosthetic that we don't know how to get the hell off you." Maria replied. "Whatever." She rolled her eyes. "Just get all your shit together that _isn't_ weapons and get into the building."

* * *

><p>Phil's Disney's Magical Express coach stopped at the Caribbean Beach Resort to let people off and thankfully his neighbor Todd left at this stop. Phil hated the way that Todd stared at him after he told him he'd died. There's creepier things than talking to someone who was dead but had been resurrected-Phil would've wagered good money that Todd wouldn't look at Phil funny for having come back to life after days if he'd been Jesus. But then again, Phil had been dead longer than Jesus had been when <em>he <em>was resurrected. Whatever. It wasn't worth thinking about anymore. He had come all the way down to Florida to have fun and spend time with his kids.

"Daddy, when are we going to get to our place?" 4 year old Dana asked,turning around to display her puppy dog eyes to Phil.

"Soon, Honey." Phil said, smiling at his little girl. She sure had him wrapped around her finger. "Not long now, in fact, I can see the sign!" He said eagerly.

"Really, Daddy?!" The little girl squealed with delight when she saw her father nod.

"Yeah, see." Phil began. "Coronado Springs Resort."

"This looks cool, Dad.." Max nodded in approval. "Two weeks here?"

"Two whole weeks with my undivided attention!" Phil smiled to himself. "Well, maybe shared with Mickey Mouse."

"Mickey Mouse?!" His kids screamed with delight in such a high pitch, it hurt Phil's ears.

"Only if you're quiet from now until we get to our room." Phil said, looking at his kids. "Alright, this is us." He said when the bus came to a stop, a few seconds later. Phil picked up his son's crutches, his own Backpack of Important Stuff and stood up. He then handed the crutches to Max, who stood up and gingerly navigated his way down the aisle with them. He was followed by his sister and Phil. The bus driver helped Phil out immensely with his kids disembarking the bus, so he felt it best to tip the driver a $10.

Once they received their luggage-and Max's wheelchair-they were helped into the main lobby by a bellhop, since Phil seemed desperately unsure of where to go next.

* * *

><p>Maria happened to be in the lobby and was making a complaint since-apparently-Thor's TV wasn't working right. While waiting for the concierge to report back to her, she heard a familiar voice and her blood ran cold.<p>

"Yeah, I can't believe I got lost. The main lobby's right here!" No. No it couldn't be.

Maria winced as she turned her head to see, only five desks down, Phil Coulson. She continued to stare as every cell in her body kept repeating what her face already read. 'We're boned'.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: *NOT a reference to 'deflategate'. But you know to be topical, Tom Brady's balls.**

**I hope after this that things will start to pick up and get better. The self referencing bit... Well, let's just say I read a bit too much Deadpool the least few days. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just true. Anyway, Deadpool's great, go read some Deadpool. **

**And yep. I watch Agents of SHIELD as well. So this story's also sort of an AU from that, too. Because why the hell not? Comedy doesn't have to make sense. Like Deadpool. (Sorry, no more Deadpool, I promise)**

**And let's just imagine that Bucky's regained his memories in the last 2 years. So it would be shortly after Age of Ultron, which both has and hasn't taken place yet. See, this is why there's labels like AU about. Yay! **

**Anyway... Let me know what you think. The slow buildup was necessary, I'm afraid. Sorry. And while Clint and Natasha may have the whole vacay planned out, I don't. If you can suggest something, please do. **

**That's all folks and once again, I don't own the Avengers, Bucky, Agents of SHIELD, any of the Disney movies Steve mentioned, Fantastic 4, Spider Man, X-Men or... Deadpool.**


	4. Nothing But Stress

"Okay, Ms. Hill, a technician will be up to the room shortly." The concierge said. Maria paid little to no attention as she was busy staring at Phil Coulson.

"Alright, thanks." She muttered absently and headed into the shop for some food for the Avengers. Natasha and Clint were already in the shop to help carry things the things back. Maria realized that this was a good thing. Had it been anyone else like Bruce or Tony...

"Fanboy's here." Maria said under her breath. Clint shrugged and Maria made the SHIELD accepted ASL sign for 'Coulson'. Both Natasha and Clint's jaws dropped.

"No way." Clint shook his head. "No _way_ is that possible."

"He's got his two kids with him." Maria whispered.

"Kids or not..." Clint trailed off.

"Yeah, what if one of the others sees him?" Natasha said quietly.

"If Bucky or Sam sees him, it wouldn't be a problem." Clint reasoned. "They don't know him. But if Tony, Thor, Bruce or Cap-_especially_ Cap-sees him then we better call Houston as we're gonna have a problem on our hands."

"Let's not worry about that now." Maria said to the two calm looking assassins who were no doubt panicking on the inside. "Let's just worry about supplies."

Maria made a mental list of what she might need. First, Thor. "Alright, Thor will eat anything as long as you pair it with coffee." Maria picked up a Darth Vader cookie and walked over to the coffee machine to make a coffee for Thor.

"Tony will eat chips if he's desperate." Natasha said, picking up a bag of _Lays_. "Bruce told me that Tony eats them when he's down in the lab because he can just pick at them."

"Cap likes sandwiches." Clint said. "Bacon is awesome." He took a deep breath. "So bacon sandwich it is for Cap. And another one for Sam since he's Cap's sidekick or whatever he is."

"He's a friend. I'd say Bucky's more his sidekick." Natasha said. "I don't really know what he likes."

"Then get him a plain cheese sandwich." Clint shrugged and Natasha picked up a cheese sandwich.

"That leaves Bruce." Maria said.

"Get him a salad." Clint smiled. "He's vegetarian. Vegetarians eat salad."

"They eat other things _besides_ salad, Clint."

"Whoa! Who died and made Tasha Queen of the Vegetarians?!" Clint laughed. Maria and Natasha looked on at him, unamused.

"Let's get him some chips too." Natasha suggested.

"_Pringles_?" Clint asked, his hand hovering over a small carton of the famous potato chips.

"Why not?" Natasha shrugged. "I mean, Tony's getting_ Lays_, why not give Bruce _Pringles_." Clint grabbed the carton and they went to pay.

"Hang on! Drinks!" Natasha said and went to the fridge. She came away with as many bottles of water as she could carry and let them all fall on the counter.

"Clint, you're gonna have to go the shop next door for a plastic bag or two." Maria said.

"On it, Chief." Clint nodded and ran out the small food shop.

"Don't call me Chief." Maria muttered under her breath.

"Should we get cupcakes?" Natasha asked.

"No, I think we got enough here..." Maria began.

"Let me rephrase that." Natasha said sternly. "We're _getting_ cupcakes."

* * *

><p>It was easier getting a plastic bag than Clint thought. He was on his way back to Maria and Natasha when he heard something that stopped him dead in his tracks.<p>

"Uncle Clint!"

"Kids, be quiet!"

Clint turned around to see Phil Coulson with his children, looking at a sheet of paper and accompanied by a bellhop.

"Uh... Sir." Clint addressed Phil nervously.

"No need for formalities, Clint. This is Disney World." Phil looked at the archer up and down. "So you're staying here too, then."

Clint nodded. "Two weeks, Phil."

"The others still don't know I'm alive now, I hope."

"Thor, Bruce, Tony and Cap don't and Sam and Bucky don't even know who you are." Clint confirmed.

"Sam and Bucky?"

"Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes."

"Wait-Bucky Barnes?" Phil choked in surprise. "The Winter Soldier?"

"Yeah. He's an Avenger now."

"Wow. You die and then go away for 4 years and _this_ happens." Phil shook his head.

"So how are you enjoying fatherhood? Novelty worn off yet?" Clint asked.

"Clint, it's hard." Phil ran his hand through what was left of his hair. "I can't deny that."

"And I see they're costing you a fortune."

"Oh no, _I_ wanted this." Phil smiled. "I'm usually too busy with my work as a _computer programmer_," He emphasized. "That I don't spend too much time with my kids. This vacation is my attempt to correct that."

"He does biz-niss." Phil's daughter Dana said innocently.

"That's right." Phil patted his daughter on the head.

"Not told them about SHIELD?" Clint raised his eyebrow.

"SHIELD is the program Daddy makes." Dana smiled up at Clint.

"CLINT!" Maria shouted. "How long does it take to get a bag..." She emerged from the small food shop.

"Hello, Maria." Phil smiled.

"Hi, Aunt Maria!" Phil's kids said together.

"Are you and Uncle Clint seeing each other?" Phil's son Max blurted out.

"No. No we're not!" Maria and Clint said defensively.

"And Phil, as much as you're one of my closest friends, I have to go get back to the guys now."

"Yeah, I know how Tony can be." Phil rubbed the back of his neck.

"Come on, Clint." Maria said, grabbing Clint's free arm and pulled him back into the shop.

* * *

><p>Maria, Natasha and Clint were walking to their hotel rooms with their items-sans Thor's coffee-now in the plastic bag.<p>

"I can't believe Coulson's here." Natasha said after a long period of silence.

"Part of me still can't believe he's not dead now." Clint muttered. "He's alive, Tasha. He had trouble telling us that."

"Grow up. We've known for the past 3 years, Clint. He didn't have to tell us." She shrugged. "We're both SHIELD Level 7."

"Still." Clint shrugged.

"He didn't tell you because of the really cruel nature of Project T.A.H.I.T.I." Maria said. "He never actually went to Tahiti." She inhaled deeply because she knew that though they knew that Phil lived, neither Clint or Natasha knew what had happened to him. "He had his memories altered. He was half alive, begging for death, but Fury never gave up on him. The 'drug'" She did quotation marks in the air. "That saved him is called GH-325. And it's only for use on... Dead or dying Avengers."

"Well..." Clint's eyes widened and his face paled. "Good to know there's a contingency plan. Y'know? In case someone disembowels me, stabs me, shoots me or whatever."

They walked in silence past the swimming pool. Clint and Natasha couldn't help but to crane their necks to see it.

"Clint, did you pack your swimming trunks?" Natasha asked.

"I sure did. Did you pack your bikini?"

"No." Natasha answered. "I packed my swim suit."

"Damn. I'm going there when we've had our snacks." Clint said.

"Oh no you're not." Maria said. "We're sticking together."

"Not fair." Clint huffed.

"Yes fair." Maria said.

"So we can't go swimming?"

"Oh no, we can. Just not today."

Natasha grunted. She felt Maria was being unreasonable. "It's only 6 in the evening, Maria." Maria sighed. "This is in case the others see Coulson, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't." Maria said as they approached their hotel building very far from the main reception, but close to one of the resort shuttle stations. Perhaps they should've taken it.

"What is it then?"

"It is what it is, now suck it up." Maria ordered. "We're gonna have snacks and go to bed early because according to you two" She pointed at Clint and Natasha. "We've to be at the Magic Kingdom by 8."

"Do you want to do the 7 Dwarfs Mine Train or not?" Natasha folded her arms sullenly.

"I could care less, but for the next two weeks, I'm with you." Maria grunted. "I don't know _why_ I volunteered for this shit. Fury should've sent Agent fucking anyone but me." They stopped outside a door and heard loud noises and muffled voices. "Fuck me, what are they doing _now_?" Maria sighed as she raised her wrist and touched her MagicBand on the door. When she opened it, she half expected the remaining Avengers to be squabbling with each other. What she didn't expect was them to be taking sides. Bruce and Thor sided with Tony and Bucky and Sam with Steve.

"Well at least I was never in show-business." Tony spat. "The star-spangled man with a plan!"

"You may never have been in show-business, but you don't have to be!" Steve scowled. "Your private life is splattered all over the tabloids! You're practically an alcoholic!" He shouted, waving Thor's copy of Us Weekly in Tony's face.

"According to the studies today, _you_ should be an alcoholic or at _least_ suffering from some sort of PTSD like your good friend Winter Soldier." Tony raised his voice. "But _no_! You're perfect in every fucking way!"

"I may be a war veteran," Steve began. "And it might not seem so great for you because I never _once_ profited of civilian casualties."

"Fuck you." Tony's eyes narrowed. "Your precious Howard started making those weapons. I only continued. At least I fucking changed."

"At least Howard loved me." Steve crossed his arms smugly. This lasted all but a second as Maria, Clint and Natasha could only look on in shock as Tony tackled Steve to the ground and punched him in the face. Steve then began hitting Tony.

"Civil War! Civil War!" Bruce, Thor, Sam and Bucky cried out.

"Take that back!" Tony growled.

"Never!" Steve shouted. "Benedict Cumberbatch is the better _Sherlock Holmes_!"

"Fuck you!" Tony shouted as Bruce and Thor pulled Tony off Steve.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Maria shouted. "Tell me how this started."

"I'd rather not do that..." Tony grunted.

"_Not _a question, Stark." Maria snapped.

"He insulted my father." Tony said under his breath.

"And?" Maria turned to Steve. "Did you?"

"I only did it because he said I was a disgrace as a soldier."

"And I only said that because he said I don't deserve my Iron Man armor."

"And I only said _that_ because _he_ said that I'm 'nothing but a lab rat'."

"And I said _that_..."

"Alright!" Maria raised her hands. "No more." She turned to Bucky and Sam. "When did you start taking sides?"

"When Tony called Steve the worst Human Torch." Sam said.

Maria turned to Bruce and Thor. "And you?"

"When Steve called Tony a pathetic alcoholic." Bruce said.

"That's right. I'm not an alcoholic." Tony whined. "I'm a drunk. There's a difference."

"Tony, Steve, go to your rooms." Maria inhaled deeply. "I feel like I'm your mother rather than your boss."

"But-but..." They protested. Maria growled at them and they each left Maria's hotel room.

"And you four," She began, looking at Bruce, Thor, Bucky and Sam. "No taking sides." They all looked at the floor, sheepishly. "We brought snacks, by the way." Maria clicked her fingers and Natasha came forward and handed Thor his coffee.

Clint tipped all the snacks from the bag out on the table. "The _Lays_ are Tony's and one of the bacon sandwiches is Steve's." He explained. "The other one is for Sam and the cheese one is Bucky's."

"I'm guessing the salad is mine..." Bruce sighed.

"And the _Pringles_." Clint smiled. "The Darth Vader cookie is for you, Thor. You like Star Wars, right?"

"Indeed." Thor smiled, picking up the black iced cookie. "I enjoyed it very much when I watched it with Jane. This is a most wondrous baked treat. Many thanks to you, Bird Man."

"It's Clint... We've been over this before." Clint whined.

"There's also cupcakes." Natasha said cheerfully. "Three choc chip, three double choc chip and three blueberry."

"And a bottled water." Clint added.

"So who's the popcorn, the _Cheetos_ and the trail mix for?" Bucky asked as he poked the bag of trail mix. "And for that matter, why does the trail mix have Chip and Dale on it?"

"To answer the first question, the trail mix is mine." Clint said, snatching the trail mix from Bucky. "And it's got Chip and Dale on it because this is Disney World."

"The popcorn's mine." Natasha said. "The _Cheetos_ are Maria's."

"Now everyone choose a cupcake, pick up a water and get the fucking hell out of my room."

* * *

><p>About an hour or so later-though it might have been an hour and a half-Maria picked up the bacon sandwich, one of the spare cupcakes and a water and left her room. She walked two doors down and knocked on the door. Steve answered it. She could see he still had a black eye, but it was in the latest stage of healing.<p>

"Hey, Steve." She said. "I brought food."

"Come in." He said and stepped away from the door to let Maria in. She lay the food down on his table.

"Where's Bucky?" She asked.

"In the bathroom." Steve replied. "He's having a bath. Apparently it's easier on his arm than a shower." He shrugged.

"Sorry that I had to throw you out earlier." Maria said softly. "But you and Stark are just arguing too much for my liking. And that's what we aim to correct by sending you guys here and having you spend pretty much all your time with each other-except for sleep of course-"

"Clint and Natasha went to the pool." Steve blurted out. "Is this blueberry?" He asked, pointing at the cupcake.

"They _what_?!"

"They went down to the pool." Steve repeated, taking a bite out of the cupcake. "Wow. _This_ is good." He mumbled with his mouth full. Maria's phone began to ring. "You gonna get that?"

"Agent Hill." Maria winced. Although this was work for her, she didn't want it to feel like it was work. But what if it was Fury calling her?

"Maria! It's Natasha Romanoff here." Natasha's voice dripped with false cheerfulness.

"Natasha." Maria said coldly.

"So uh... We got a problem."

"How bad is it?" Maria asked in monotone.

"Erm... Pretty bad." Natasha said sheepishly. "It's Clint."

"I know you're at the pool. Stay there, I'll be there in around 15 minutes." Maria hung up, not giving Natasha the chance to respond.

* * *

><p>True to her word, Maria arrived at the main pool area in quarter of an hour after dropping Tony's food off at his and Bruce's hotel room which was directly under hers. She was greeted by a dry Natasha wearing a black swimsuit and goggles and a wet Clint wearing purple swimming trunks and flip flops.<p>

"What's happened here, then?" Maria asked sternly, folding her arms.

"Clint jumped into the water."

"So I see." Maria said, tensing up further.

"He had his... You know." Natasha whispered sheepishly. "He forgot to take them out before jumping in the water."

"Clint, you didn't..."

"He can't hear you." Natasha sighed. "Water damage."

"Back to your hotel room." Maria said. "Don't make me repeat it."

"Actually, I think you're going to have to for Clint..." Maria's stare hardened. "Okay. Going now." Natasha grabbed Clint's wrist and they both walked away from the pool with their heads down while Maria marched behind them, carrying their items.

* * *

><p>"So you have got spare hearing aids for Clint?" Maria asked Tony, in her second visit of the hour to his hotel room.<p>

"Yeah, but they're not the fancy little in ear SHIELD ones that he usually has." Tony said, producing a small, hard black box from his suitcase. "They're just your average looking ones that I've been tinkering with."

"How powerful are they?" Maria asked.

"Powerful enough that he'll be able to hear us close to normal." Tony said as he opened the box to show Maria the two average looking, purple behind the ear hearing aids that he'd been working on.

"They're purple." Maria noted.

"And isn't that Bird Brain's favorite color?" Tony asked.

"Yeah." Maria nodded. "I just wasn't aware that hearing aids came in purple."

"They come in whatever color you want." Tony closed the box and handed it to Maria.

"Thanks, Tony."

"No problem Boss."

* * *

><p>Maria lay her head down on her pillow and checked the time on her phone. 20:18. Damn. So early. But she felt so drained. And this wasn't even the first day! How would she feel over the next two weeks, being the only responsible adult of a group of 8 bickering superheroes while trying to keep them away from their "dead" handler-who was staying at the <em>exact<em> same resort as they were, because of _course_ he was.

One thing's for sure, this was going to be a _long_ two weeks.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Magic Kingdom next chapter! Yay! More of the Coulson clan next chapter! Double yay! And I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my team, the Muddogs, for notching up their first win of the season yesterday and more importantly, my teammate Joe, who scored the first field goal in Muddogs history! (We're well into our 8th season as a team now.) Yay!**

**So Clint and Natasha now know Coulson's staying at the same resort. What will they do with this information? I can imagine-especially after the end of Winter Soldier-that they know of Coulson's resurrection, but not quite the exact circumstance surrounding it. And I promise, the story won't hit dark like that again. **

**If you have any ideas of any rides they should go on, shows they should see, characters they should meet, things they should eat and/or places they should eat at, suggest it. And don't worry, I've already got It's A Small World all planned out.**

**Thank you to those who have already reviewed. Once again, I don't own the Avengers, Winter Soldier, SHIELD, Hydra or Human Torch. Or anything else I mentioned. **


	5. Starting the Day Right

Maria woke up at 6:41 the next morning deeply hoping that none of the Avengers had tried to kill each other in the night. She got out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She dressed into a blue Frozen t-shirt and a pair of jorts. It's not that she _liked_ Frozen, she just wanted to fit in. She then put her socks and sneakers on. Grabbing her Magic Band, cell phone and SHIELD ID card, she left her room, hurriedly wrapping the Magic Band around her wrist and wedging her ID card between her breasts. She put her phone in her pocket and knocked on the door of the Avengers closest to her-Steve and Bucky two doors down.

"Bucky! Cap!" Maria said loudly. "Get up! We're going for breakfast!" Bucky opened the door, red, puffy circles around his eyes and his long hair completely matted, also shirtless.

"I think Steve's in a coma." He said, emotionless.

"What do you mean 'in a coma'? You're super soldiers." Maria asked irritatedly.

"Well... He won't wake up." Bucky yawned.

"Bucky, you have a metal prosthetic arm." Maria arched an eyebrow. "Just put your metal hand on his face, the cold will..." She sighed. "Why do I bother?"

"Maria?" Bucky asked.

"Just be ready in 10 minutes." Maria shook her head as she walked away. Sam and Thor were next door so Maria knocked on their door next. Sam answered it, wide awake and fully dressed in a grey t-shirt and black shorts.

"You're up early." Maria said.

"Military training, ma'am." Sam smirked.

"Yeah well," She began. "Tell that to the super soldier World War 2 veterans next door." She laughed. "One of them's half dead and the other's comatose."

"Cap and Bucky?" He looked at Maria incredulously. "No way."

"It's true. You'll see." Maria inhaled loudly. "So where's Thor?"

"In the shower singing Asgardian folk songs." Sam groaned. "Can't you hear it?" She could. Maria had no idea what traditional Asgardian folk songs sounded like and she hoped never to hear them again. Thor couldn't hold a tune to prevent Ragnarok. Maria's phone started to ring. "You should probably get that. Come in." He said, moving aside to let Maria in as she fumbled about in her shorts pocket for her cell phone.

"Agent Hill." She winced again. But this time it _was_ Nick Fury on the phone.

"Hill, it's Fury." He said.

"Nick Fury, what a surprise." It genuinely was. "Calling to check up on the Avengers are you?"

"No, I'm calling to tell you to keep them away from the news."

"Why?"

"Because MODOK is causing some trouble over in Jersey City."

"Jersey City?" Maria asked skeptically.

"Yeah. I don't want them coming back to sort it out." Fury snapped.

"What do I tell them if they _do_ find out?"

"Tell them that SHIELD and Black Panther have the situation under control." He said and hung up.

"Fury? Fury? Nick?" She asked down the phone. "Bastard hung up on me." She muttered, pocketing her phone.

"What aren't we supposed to find out?" Sam asked.

"Not you, Sam. Tony and Cap." Maria said.

"What aren't _they_ supposed to find out?" He folded his arms challengingly. "And what does it have to do with Jersey City?" Maria cleared her throat. "It's something to do with those Maximoff twins, isn't it? Or Black Panther? Loki?"

"I'm not telling you because you'll tell them." She countered. "Ten minutes, my apartment." She turned on her heel and swiftly walked out of Sam and Thor's hotel room.

Bruce and Tony were next, on the lower floor. If Maria thought right, she knew that neither of them had slept due to sciencing or whatever. She was very surprised when she found herself banging on their door. Eventually, Tony answered.

"What?" He asked indignantly.

"Get up. We're going to breakfast." She snapped. "You two have got five minutes. Be at my apartment or else make your way to the canteen alone." And with that, she left for the assassins' room next door to Bruce and Tony's. Natasha opened the door before Maria could even knock.

"I heard and saw you coming." She said.

"Where's Clint?"

"Brushing his teeth." Natasha pointed to a man in her bathroom-Clint. He hadn't closed the door because he didn't feel privacy was necessary with Natasha, not after what happened in Budapest.

"How're the new hearing aids?" She asked.

"He likes them." Natasha said and Maria smiled. "He just hates how bulky and obvious they look." That wiped the smile off Maria's face.

"Yes. Well..."

"I know." Natasha sighed. "They're the only spares."

"They are." Maria nodded as Clint came out of the bathroom. "You guys ready?" She asked.

"Yeah, we've got our Magic Bands and our phones." Clint said.

"What about your SHIELD identification?"

"Uh..." Clint and Natasha shared a worried expression. They hadn't thought about SHIELD ID.

"You forgot, didn't you?"

"Well it's a vacation..." Clint began.

"What're you gonna do if MODOK comes here?"

"Why would MODOK come here?" Natasha asked.

"Because he's already tearing up Jersey City." Maria answered. Clint and Natasha's facial expressions turned from confused to horrified. "Black Panther and SHIELD are handling it." They relaxed a little.

"Have you got yours?" Clint asked.

Maria paused. "Yes." She answered. Natasha then grabbed hers and Clint's ID cards and put them between her breasts.

"That's where mine is too." Maria nodded. "Ready to go, now?"

"Yep." The assassins both nodded.

"Let's go to my hotel room." The three SHIELD agents left the hotel room and were greeted by Bruce and Tony outside.

"We were just on our way to your room." Bruce said.

"Join us, then." Maria shrugged and the five of them began their walk to Maria's hotel room.

When they got to Maria's room, they saw a half asleep Steve wearing a green t-shirt and beige shorts-the first time Maria had seen him wear anything that wasn't red, white, blue or all-a fully alert Sam who was tying a bedraggled Bucky's hair back into a ponytail and an excited Thor who was singing the chorus of It's a Small World over and over.

"What's going on here?" She asked.

"Thor saw Disney World TV last night and this morning. He won't stop." Sam rolled his eyes.

"Thor?" Maria said. "Thor?!" She shouted louder. Thor turned to look at her.

"What is it you require?" He asked.

"For you to shut the hell up." She said in the nicest way possible. "We're going to breakfast _together_." Tony opened his mouth as if to say something. "Not a question Stark." She turned to Thor. "We gotta get you some more Earth looking clothes."

* * *

><p>In the Pepper Market restaurant, the Avengers sat down to breakfast. Bruce and Tony were eating <em>Froot Loops<em> because they claimed they weren't hungry, but Maria made them eat something because you apparently can't go to a Disney Park without first eating something. Clint was eating grits because he claimed to never have had them before. Natasha-who was eating toast along with Sam and Maria-knew different and that Clint, though he would never dare admit it to the Avengers, actually liked grits. Bucky and Steve were also eating cereal, _Raisin Bran_, because they were familiar with it from the time where they grew up. Thor was eating everything on the menu-bagels, cereals, danishes, muffins, omelettes, pancakes, waffles... You name it, there's a good chance Thor was eating it. Maria had insisted on them having a fruit bowl each. However, the Avengers had also insisted on a souvenir mug each and so to stop confusion (and later arguments and/or fist fighting), Maria had to borrow a Sharpie from the cashier to put names on the mugs, which were currently all filled with coffee. Maria decided to check her texts.

**so i lied abut being dead**

**i not dying eithr**

**i need your attenton thouh**

**maria?**

**maria?**

**maria?**

There were about 20-odd texts of just "Maria" over and over again. She sighed and replied.

**Phil**

**Phil**

**Phil**

Just texting his name repeatedly.

"Sending texts to your secret boyfriend are you?" Tony smirked.

"I thought I explained this to you yesterday, Stark." Maria stuffed her phone back into her pocket. "I haven't got a boyfriend."

"_Sure_ you don't."

"I really, _really_ don't, Stark."

"Mhm." Tony grunted as he shoveled the _Froot Loops_ into his mouth. His smirk quickly turned into a thoughtful frown. "That guy over there, he kind of looks like Coulson."

"Where?" Bruce asked, enthusiastically.

"Over there." Tony pointed to a guy six tables ahead of the Avengers. "Only this guy has kids."

"Holy crap he _does look _like Coulson." Bruce said, his mouth full of _Froot Loops_. "Cap, you seeing this?"

"Yeah, this is really strange." Steve said. "Hey, Maria? Does that guy over there look like Coulson?"

"No." Maria said coldly. She knew that the man actually _was_ her old friend Phil Coulson. She just didn't want any of the Avengers to know that.

"I think it does." Tony shrugged.

"If Coulson were alive now, we'd be pointing that guy out to him and laughing." Bruce smiled as he popped a piece of apple into his mouth.

"More like Coulson wouldn't laugh or show any kind of emotion because I'm still convinced he was some sort of Life Model Decoy." Tony took a swig of his coffee.

"I'm going to top up on coffee." Maria said, standing and picking up her coffee cup. At the coffee station, Maria sent a text to Phil.

**Hey, I got a story you'd like-David,** **Pat**** and Bill saw cheese for breakfast. I told them they couldn't have any and they're thinking about the last time they had cheese. **

Maria had deliberately written it in code in case one of the Avengers-especially Tony-got their hands on her phone accidentally. She topped up her coffee quickly and rejoined the others. She glanced over at Coulson who had gathered his kids and was beginning to walk away.

"Wonder where Coulson's not-dead double is going." Tony said picking up a grape.

"Probably to catch up with his wife." Bruce shrugged. "Or husband, if he leans that way."

* * *

><p>Phil looked over at his children, happily eating their Disney character waffles. He was eating his own sesame seed bagel-that he coated with cream cheese-when his phone buzzed in the pocket of his dark green shorts. It was a text from Maria. His eyes widened in shock when he saw the message.<p>

**Hey, I got a story you'd like-David,** **Pat**** and Bill saw cheese for breakfast. I told them they couldn't have any and they're thinking about the last time they had cheese.**

It had taken Phil but a few seconds to decipher the message. David was the nickname he and Maria had given Bruce, since he reminded them of an old SHIELD acquaintance. Pat was short for Patriot, the nickname of Captain Am-uh Steve and Bill was short for billionaire, which could only be Tony. Although Phil was annoyed that people in SHIELD _still _called him Cheese, at least he knew who she was referring to. So Bruce, Steve and Tony had seen him at breakfast but Maria had told them that it wasn't him and now they're talking about him. He had to leave.

Shoving his phone into his pocket, Phil addressed his two kids. "So kids, how about we leave now and go the Magic Kingdom earlier?" Max nodded enthusiastically.

"Does this mean we meet Mickey Mouse earlier?" He asked.

"Of course." Phil smiled.

"Okay." Max smiled back.

"But I haven't finished my waffle." Dana looked at Phil sadly.

"It doesn't matter, we're going to meet Mickey Mouse!" He said full of false enthusiasm.

"I want my waffle." Dana frowned Phil.

"Take it with you." He suggested. "I'll tell you what. I'll buy you the biggest, bestest toy you want when we get to the park," Phil watched as his daughter's eyes lit up. "But only if we leave now."

"Okay." Dana agreed. Phil grabbed the handle of his son's wheelchair and took his daughter's hand, before glancing looking around to see if he could see the Avengers. When he spotted them, he realized that Maria wasn't lying. He also realized that he would be spending a good portion of his much needed vacation stressing about bumping into the Avengers. He wasn't worried about Maria, Clint or Natasha, but the others... Phil proceeded to walk away from the table and eventually out the canteen and into the hotel foyer.

"You want an ice cream?" Phil asked. His kids nodded enthusiastically. "I'll get you one when we go to the park." He smiled. "So what ride do you want to go on first?" They had been studying the park maps the concierge had given them last night.

"I wanna do Aladdin!" Dana shouted.

"Buzz Lightyear!" Max shouted.

"Aladdin!"

"Buzz Lightyear!"

"Kids!" Phil said loudly. "We'll toss a coin on it." Phil reached into his pocket. He pulled out a dime and flicked it into the air. When he caught it, he held it flat against the bottom of his hand, looking at his children as he did so. "Alright, 'heads', Aladdin's flying carpets and 'tails', Buzz Lightyear." Phil removed his hand from the coin and lowered his hand so his kids could see. Dana grumbled frustratedly while Max cheered. "Dana, you can choose the ride tomorrow."

"Why not now?"

"Because the ride today was chosen fairly." Phil explained. "When you can't decide between two things, it's always helpful to flick a coin." Phil remembered back when he first joined SHIELD. He was 23, fresh out of university and a lot more intelligent than most of his peers. Nick Fury found out about this-as well as his top marks in his exams-and started to recruit him into SHIELD. He flipped a coin and joined, not regretting his decision. Well, maybe like three times. When he was a young Level 2 field agent and was pushed off of a fifth story balcony (he spent months in hospital after that incident), when SHIELD fell and he was tasked with rebuilding (stress, so much stress) and of course, when he was killed by Loki.

"So flipping a coin solves problems?" Dana asked, looking up at Phil with her head cocked. His heart melted. She looked so cute.

"Some problems, yes." Phil smiled down at his daughter as they walked out of the foyer and into the Florida heat.

"What kinds of problems?" She asked.

"Can it solve world peace?" Max asked.

"I don't think it can, Max." Phil said carefully. "There's always going to be people out there who don't like each other."

"I thought 'haters gonna hate' or something." Max said curiously.

"But some people hate the people that hate them." Phil explained. "And then these people fight. Do you understand?"

Max nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good." Phil smiled. "And don't use 'haters gonna hate' again. It sounds stupid." Max simply nodded as the three arrived at the resort bus station. There were other families there, thankfully none, like Max, using a wheelchair. Or going to the Magic Kingdom. Two were going to Animal Kingdom, one to Blizzard Beach, another to Hollywood Studios and another two were going to Epcot.

* * *

><p>"Donny, come on." Maria said to Thor. They were in the Magic Kingdom-correction, everyone but Thor was in the Magic Kingdom. Thor was still at the ticket gate, since he couldn't figure out how to put his Magic Band to the glowing Mickey head orb in front of him.<p>

"It is so confusing." Thor said, looking all around the orb. "Fascinating, also."

"Listen, Pal. I don't have all day." An irritated Cast Member spoke up.

"You." Thor pointed at the Cast Member. "I take it you are the guardian to this realm. I request you enlighten me as to how I gain access through this invisible portal into your realm." The Cast Member looked at Thor as if he'd lost his mind, while Maria facepalmed and the rest of the Avengers either cringed or looked away with embarrassment.

"Donny, speak in proper English." Maria said. "I know you're practicing for that Shakespeare play, but this is a day off from that."

"I do not understand..." Thor began.

"Even Bucky and I figured it out." Steve muttered under his breath.

"Donny, please." Maria said firmly.

"You wanna know how to get into the Magic Kingdom?" The Cast Member asked. "Sure, I'll show you how." She grabbed Thor's arm and held the Magic Band against the Mickey Mouse head orb. It then flashed green so signify Thor had gained entry to the park. "Simple as that. Mickey to Mickey." She sighed. "Have a nice day now." She waved after the group, who were now walking off. Maria felt a buzz in her pocket and pulled out her phone. Sure enough, she'd had a text. From Phil Coulson.

**dont bother me, Im in Magic Kindom. If yuo need me let me know. **

Maria fired off a quick text to Phil as they passed under the Main Street USA train station. "Bruce, can you get us some park maps please. One each." She said without looking up from her phone.

**I'm in Magic Kingdom to. Theres 9 of us. 2 super solders, 1 asassin archer, 1 genuis, 1 african american solider, 1 russian spy, 1 asgardian god, 1 hulk and 1 overworked and underpaid SHIELD agent. watch you doint bump into us**

The text read. She sent it and pocketed her phone. Bruce handed her a park map and they all walked out onto Main Street USA. Maria stopped next to Tony's Town Square Restaurant and opened up her map. The Avengers crowded around her.

"Alright, it's..." She looked at her wrist to find no watch, but her Magic Band there. "Sam, what time is it?" She asked.

Sam pulled out his own cell phone. "It's 10:08." He said as he kept it again.

"Thanks." Maria nodded. "The park's closing at 11 tonight, but I wanna be back at the hotel earlier than that because tomorrow, we're going to Animal Kingdom." She explained. "So where do we go first?" She asked. Everyone's hands shot up into the air.

"Food!" Thor shouted.

"Frontierland!" Steve and Bucky called out.

"Tomorrowland! Tomorrowland!" Tony and Bruce shouted, a little too enthusiastically.

"Mickey Mouse!" Clint said.

"Back to New York!" Natasha shouted out.

"No, we're not going back to New York, Natasha. You've done your share in planning the FastPasses." Maria said irritatedly. "Any other suggestions?"

"How about we just take pictures of the Cinderella Castle first, since it's so iconic?" Sam asked.

"That's a good idea, Sam." Maria folded her park map and slid it in her back pocket. Sam looked proudly at the rest of the Avengers. Natasha glared at him, making it obvious she didn't want to be there.

"I don't like this ragtime music." Clint whined.

"Come on, Clint." Natasha sighed. "It's not like you can even hear it that well."

"I can hear it just fine." He snapped. "It's that damn ragtime version of Fortuosity, you know, the one from The Happiest Millionaire?"

"Clinton Francis Barton!" Natasha said in shock. "Are you actually a Disney Fan, or has my best fuck buddy been replaced by a Life Model Decoy?"

"I-Tasha, please don't call me your 'fuck buddy', it sounds so crass." Clint shook his head in disgust. "We're not at SHIELD now, just call me your boyfriend."

"Now you know I can't do _that_." Natasha smiled wickedly. "It would upset all the people that ship you and Coulson."

"I'm not _with_ Phil." Clint muttered. "Nor have I _ever_ been."

"I never said that." Natasha threw her hands in the air mock-defensively.

"Clint! Natasha!" Maria called from the front of the group. "Hurry up and stop bickering."

The group stopped at the Partners statue and everyone took out their phones. "Did anyone bring a Sefie Stick?" Natasha asked. Tony pulled one out of his small backpack. "Of course the narcissist would have one." She muttered under her breath.

"You know, I just thought about something." Bruce said as the Avengers gathered to take a few group selfies by the Partners statue. "Why aren't Wanda and Pietro here?"

"Because they're not." Maria replied.

"Yeah, but why?"

"Because people don't want to read about them." Maria said. "They'd rather read about you main Avengers and Sam and Bucky are just lucky that the author likes them enough to write them in." She snapped. "That and in the comics they both become Captain Americas."

"What?!" Steve, Sam and Bucky shouted. *_Snap_*. Tony had just taken a picture.

"Forget I said anything." Maria said and Tony kept his Selfie Stick. "Where to now?" She asked as she turned around to take in the view of the Cinderella Castle. For a brief moment, she forgot she was with 8 annoying and overbearing superheroes. But the universe didn't let her forget for long.

"Frontierland!" Steve shouted.

"Tomorrowland!" Tony shouted.

"Frontierland!"

"Tomorrowland."

"Frontierland!"

"Tomorrowland!"

"Frontierland!" Steve shouted aggressively.

"Tomorrowland!" Tony shouted back, just as aggressively. Maria turned around to see the Avengers had taken sides again. Steve, Sam and Bucky against Tony, Thor and Bruce.

"Civil War! Civil War!" Sam, Thor, Bruce and Bucky chanted. Steve raised his fist to hit Tony.

"NO!" Maria shouted, attracting unwanted stares from tourists. "This is Disney World and you will act like the grown men your biology seems to think you are." She hissed. "We're going to Fantasyland." Maria walked off towards Frontierland, but made a turn onto a path past the castle. The Avengers followed. They ended up behind the castle and by a water fountain and carried on walking for a few yards.

"What is that?" Thor pointed at the carousel which had just caught his eye.

"That's the carousel, Thor." Maria said. "You get on the plastic horses and they bob up and down while going around and around in a circle. That's it, nothing special." She shrugged.

"May we ride these bobbing and circling horses?" Thor asked.

"I guess..." Maria shrugged again and the Avengers all headed towards Prince Charming's Regal Carousel.

* * *

><p>They all got on the ride with no problems. Sure Thor was looked at for his funny dress sense and Bucky also got stared at for his high tech prosthetic arm and of course Tony Stark was stared at for being simply Tony Stark. But mostly, the queuing up happened without issue. They chose to sit away from each other-except for Clint and Natasha and Steve and Bucky. This was actually a very familiar ride to Steve and Bucky. It was nice for them to do something they knew in a place so foreign to them.<p>

Clint and Natasha weren't too happy. Well, Clint was actually pretty happy. Natasha wasn't. It's not that she hated it either, she was just embarrassed.

Maria was sat down on a horse away from the Avengers-as far away as possible. She was just starting to enjoy the ride when she saw Phil Coulson walking towards the Disney Princess Fairytale Hall on one of the revolutions of the carousel. Her heart sank in her chest and she prayed that the others didn't see him.

However, Phil spotted Clint and Natasha waving at him. His blood ran cold as he hoped that the others didn't recognize him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I just wanna say thank you to those who have reviewed, followed and favorited this story. You guys make me happy. Also, continue to review, but don't flame because nobody really likes that. **

**Will the others recognize Coulson? Well... There's quite a lot of the story left. We're still on day 1 of 14. I have a plan for next chapter and it includes torture, breadsticks and Rapunzel. Stick around.**

**And if you're wondering where 'Cheese' came from for Coulson, that's what Nick Fury Jr calls him in the Secret Avengers comics, like a nickname.**

**I don't own the Avengers, Marvel and by extension Disney do**.


	6. Magic Kingdom Torture

Phil rushed his kids into the Fairytale Princess hall as quickly as he could-which was pretty quickly because although his daughter was small and had little legs, when it came to the Disney Princesses, she could move like Usain Bolt.

Meanwhile, the Avengers and Maria had just come off Prince Charming's Regal Carousel.

"Did you like it, Thor?" Steve asked.

"It was confusing." Thor nodded. "I can't understand how you Midgardians perceive such an attraction to be 'fun'."

"What do you mean?" Bucky asked, cocking his head.

"It is simply that you strap yourselves down on a plastic horse and remain stationary, yet bob up and down and continue to move in a circle." Thor shrugged. "It is both confusing and yet boring at the same time." Tony snorted, prompting everyone to look at him.

"Something you wanna share, Tony?" Maria asked.

"Why don't you take him on the teacup ride?" Tony suggested.

"Or Winnie the Pooh?" Sam shrugged.

"Where _is_ the Winnie the Pooh ride?" Maria asked.

"Right there." Sam casually pointed over to the Winnie the Pooh ride.

"Alright. Clint, Natasha, what times are our FastPasses for..."

"Space Mountain is first and that's in like... 40 minutes." Clint interrupted.

"Do you think we have time to do Winnie the Pooh...?" Maria trailed off.

"Maria, speak up, I'm hard of hearing."

"I said 'do you think we have time to do Winnie the Pooh' or should we try to do a ride that's already in Tomorrowland?"

"See, I _told_ you we should've gone to Tomorrowland first." Tony folded his arms smugly. "Though why didn't the assassin twins take any sides?"

"Because unlike you six, we're _not_ children." Natasha said.

"Hey, you're in Disney World too..." Tony began.

"No, I meant the fighting with each other." Natasha said. "We didn't take sides because we're not children."

"EXCUSE ME?!" Tony shouted indignantly. "So now I got Spider Woman lecturing _me_ about maturity?!"

"To be fair, Tony, you _do_ drink and party a lot." Clint shrugged.

"Spider Woman and Legolas!" Tony threw his arms into the air. "This is un-fucking-believable, y'know that?!"

"C'mon Tony._ Let it go_! _Let it go_!" Bruce sang.

"No way." Tony growled. "I'm good at what I do."

"And what's that?" Steve asked. "Getting wasted all the time?"

"And you're one to talk. You're probably in AA the way you're so sober all the time."

"Actually, Tony, I can't get drunk. Surprised Howard didn't tell you that actually." Steve smirked. "Oh wait, that's right. He loved me more." Tony lunged at Steve and punched him again. Thor pulled Tony off Steve while Bucky restrained Steve from retaliation.

"Tony, no!" Maria hissed. "I feel like I'm scolding a dog here but, bad billionaire!"

"What did I do?" Tony asked.

"I think the better question is what _didn't_ you do." Maria rolled her eyes. Before today, she never realized how hard Phil had it initially. And why Fury had cackled wickedly when he saw them all off on the plane. The Avengers really _were_ a bunch of children. Natasha and Clint, in their late 30s, should've known better. But then should Tony and Bruce in their early 40s. And Sam in his early 30's? Maria made a mental note to ask Sam actually how old he is. But Bucky and Steve _absolutely_ should know better because technically, they're in their 90s. And Thor who is like a million year old god. Whatever differences they had should be resolved diplomatically. But no. They had to take their problems out on each other using their fists. If they kept it up, they'd totally be thrown in Disney Jail and she wasn't about to let that happen to the Avengers of all heroes.

"So what?" Tony said arrogantly with a shrug of his shoulder.

"So... You're gonna get thrown in Disney Jail."

"That's _not_ a thing, Maria." Tony waved Maria off.

"No. It is." Maria said casually. "I remember Sitwell telling me one time, he and Phil were assigned to Disneyland that they had to free another agent from Disney Jail."

"Sitwell?" Tony asked thoughtfully. "The Hydra guy?"

"Yes, the Hydra guy." Maria sighed.

"Was the agent they freed Hydra as well?"

"No. She's SHIELD. In fact, I believe our own Clint Barton knows her."

"Uh... Tasha?" Clint asked, pointing to Natasha, next to him.

"No." Maria shook her head. "Bobbi Morse." Clint's eyes widened.

"Mockingbird." He whispered softly. Maria nodded.

"So... What?" Tony shook his head and shrugged. "Disney Jail _really_ exists?"

Maria nodded. "Yup. And if you punch anyone-same goes for everyone else-you _will_ end up there and not even _my_ SHIELD pull will be able to get you out." She warned. "We're gonna have to go direct to the big, big cheese himself-Nick Fury. And I _guarantee_ you he won't be happy." She turned to Clint. "How long until the FastPass now?"

"Uh... 30 minutes-half an hour." He confirmed.

"We're going to Tomorrowland now, unless anyone has a problem with it?" Everyone shook their heads. "No? Good." She said and walked towards Tomorrowland. Everyone followed her hurriedly.

* * *

><p>Phil considered himself to be a patient man. After all, he <em>had<em> worked with the Avengers, he _had_ rebuilt SHIELD, he _had_ died and now he was raising kids-one of which was disabled. So if anyone had told him-before today-that he would lose his sanity in line to meet a Disney Princess, he probably would have laughed in their faces. But no more. Because he was _seriously_ close to having a nervous breakdown in Disney World.

Phil wasn't sure if it was the heat, the screaming children, his _own_ children, being afraid that Tony, Bruce, Thor or Captain America would see him, that Loki was following them and would skewer him again or the fact that the lines were so damn long, but if something happened between now and his kids meeting Cinderella, he was going to go crazy. Not a little bit angry, rather full on insane with Melinda May gaining custody of his two kids. And Lola.

Phil shuddered at the thought. Even _if_ May was the only person he truly trusted at SHIELD, he _still_ didn't want her touching his precious car. What if she drove it? _And crashed it_? There's no way he could live with that. He'd _never_ recover from his psychosis then.

Phil whipped his phone out of his pocket and called the first number on his speed dial.

"May, it's Coulson." He said in a slightly panicked voice.

"Phil? What's wrong?" May asked down the phone. Phil sighed with relief. "Are you experiencing more effects from the GH formula?" She sounded concerned.

"If being paranoid that someone's touching my Lola is an effect, then yes." May chuckled down the phone.

"Phil, _nobody's_ touching your car." She said. "And by extension, driving it."

"I believe you, May." Phil smiled innocently, not quite believing his oldest friend.

"Enjoying Disney World?"

"Not particularly."

"What's wrong?"

"Kids." He whined. "So many of them. And they're all screaming about something or other." Phil heard laughter down the other side of the phone.

"Phil, it's Disney World! There's _going _to be kids there!" May continued to laugh. "Pass me on to _your_ kids." She said, slightly more calm.

Phil knelt down to his children. "Kids, your Aunt Melinda wants to talk to you." He said, handing his cell phone to Max.

"Hi Aunt Melinda!" The kids squealed.

Phil smiled as his kids told his oldest friend-next to Nick Fury-how they were enjoying Disney World, that they were looking forward to meeting Cinderella and that they were already in the line. When they were called into the next line, Phil took his phone back off the kids.

"Melinda, we're next in line to meet Cinderella and Rapunzel, I'll call you back later." He said before he hung up. And he hung up right as his family were called to meet Cinderella. Dana ran over to the princess as quickly as she could and Cinderella knelt down to hug her.

"Hello, Princess." She said. "What's your name?"

"My name is Dana Elizabeth Coulson." Dana said with a big grin plastered on her face.

"Dana is a very pretty name." Cinderella stood up. "Is this your grandfather? What a wonderful man he is to be taking his grandchildren to see me and my friend Rapunzel today."

"Actually, I'm their father." Phil corrected. "Do I _really_ look that old?" He muttered to himself.

"I'm sorry, Sir." Cinderella's face was practically glowing bright red with embarrassment. "I meant no disrespect."

"It's all fine, Cinderelly." He smiled.

"That's funny." Cinderella smiled, trying to get over her momentary embarrassment. "That's exactly what Jaq, Perla and Gus call me." Cinderella carefully walked over to Phil and his son. "And who do we have here?" She asked, crouching to Max's eye level.

"This is my son Max." Phil said after hearing Max whimper out of nervousness.

"Are you a fan of Black Widow?" Cinderella asked, noticing Max's Black Widow Avengers t-shirt.

Max nodded. "My Daddy _knows_ Black Widow. She's a real nice lady." Max said quietly.

"Does he now?" Cinderella asked.

"How do _you_ know about the Avengers?" Dana asked accusingly.

"Who _hasn't_ heard of the Avengers?" Cinderella countered. "I like people who help other people, just like I like to help people."

Dana nodded. "And the Avengers help people."

"Indeed they do." Cinderella smiled. "Now would you like to take a portrait with me?" She said to Phil.

"No, no I'm good thanks." He smiled.

"Then would Max?" Max furiously shook his head and whimpered nervously again.

"He's nervous at the moment, but of course he will." Phil pushed his son's wheelchair over to Cinderella.

"Daddy, no." Max said softly and grabbed onto Phil's t-shirt.

"Do you want me to stay for the picture?" Phil asked. Max nodded and Phil turned to Cinderella. "Looks like I'm going to be in the photo after all." He said.

* * *

><p>Maria frantically ran over to the Lunching Pad in Tomorrowland with Thor. Somehow she-and the rest of the Avengers-had managed to lose-misplace-Bucky. She saw a Cast Member sweeping up rubbish around the tables and decided to approach him.<p>

"Excuse me, I've lost a member of my party. He's got long brown hair-it either may or may not be tied back-he's around...6 foot 1 or 6 foot 2. He's wearing a green t-shirt, beige shorts and a uh... High tech, cybernetic, prosthetic left arm. It's silver. But it has a... Red star on it. Like the Soviets. Because it was made by the Soviets..." Maria trailed off, knowing she had revealed too much. The Cast Member simply looked at Maria and Thor. with his mouth open in shock. "Not seen him? That's fine. Thank you." She said before rushing off with the stunned-to-silence Asgardian to find another Cast Member to ask the exact same thing.

Tony, on the other hand, was with Bruce and they were trying a different method of finding him. They were trying to hack into his cell phone, to the Find My Phone feature. Natasha and Clint were also trying to hack into Bucky's cell phone, but instead of the Find My Phone, they were trying to find the tracker they planted in it. So far, they were having no such luck. Maybe because Bucky was brainwashed by Hydra, he knew what he was looking for and took out the bugs.

Meanwhile, Sam and Steve were going around Cast Members and random Disney World guests, showing Bucky's (recent) picture and asking them if they had seen him. Some had, some hadn't. A lead that Bucky was near the Carousel of Progress seemed promising until they saw that Bucky wasn't there. What they _hadn't_ thought of, was that Bucky had gone on Carousel of Progress without them. Which is _exactly_ what Bucky had done.

Maria and Thor caught up to Natasha and Clint, who were sitting on a wall by Space Mountain-the mutually agreed upon meet up spot for the whole group.

"Any luck?" Maria asked.

"No luck." Natasha shook her head. "He must have noticed that his cell phone was bugged after his Hydra training."

"Or he's in a dead spot." Clint said, somewhat more optimistically. Steve and Sam shuffled towards the SHIELD agents and the Norse god.

"No luck I see, guys." Maria sighed.

"Well, it's only a matter of time before we _do_ find him. How hard can it be to find Winter Soldier?" Clint shrugged. Steve, Sam, Maria and Natasha briefly stared blankly at Clint and then burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" Clint demanded.

"You, buddy!" Sam, still struggling with his laughter, put his hand on Clint's shoulder. "How hard can it be...!" Sam burst into hysterical laughter again.

"I don't..." Clint shared a look of confusion with Thor while Maria pulled out her phone.

"Hey, Fury!" She said, stifling her laughter.

"Having fun at Disney World, I hear?" Fury said to her, smugly down the phone.

"Can I put you on speakerphone so the rest of the guys can hear you?"

"Yeah?"

"Alright." Maria said. "Get a load of what Clint said." She held the phone to the rest of the group. "Alright, to put it into context, we lost-_misplaced_-Bucky. As in he ah... Wandered off."

"He WHAT?!" Fury shouted. There was the sound of clattering items on Fury's line, almost as if he had thrown something across his office.

"Anyway, Clint said..." Maria began.

"He said 'how hard can it be to find the Winter Soldier'." Sam interrupted and said loudly. Fury snorted. That snort then quickly turned into full on hysterical laughter.

"What, so Fury's laughing at me now?" Clint whined.

"Indeed, I am." Fury tried his hardest to control his laughter, to no avail. "Thanks for giving me this laugh, Barton. God knows I needed it. And Hill, find Barnes." Fury hung up, still laughing.

"Will someone tell me what's so funny?" Clint shouted indignantly.

"Hey, Tony, Bruce!" Sam shouted at the two approaching scientists. "Guess what Clint said!"

"Something about arrows?" Tony shrugged.

"No, he said 'how hard can it be to find the Winter Soldier'." Steve said through his laughter. Tony started laughing hard, while Bruce looked confused.

"I don't get it." Bruce shrugged.

"Join the club." Clint said. "Which so far includes you, me and Thor. Maria even called up Fury, who gets the joke." He sighed. "I bet if Maria could call Coulson that _he_ would be laughing at me, too."

"You _clearly_ haven't spent any length of time looking for Bucky at any point in your life, ever." Tony said to the hurt looking master assassin.

"What? And you have?"

"Uh... Yeah." Tony said. "My father heard about him and spent time looking for him. Then he and Mom died in that car accident so..."

"You took up the slack." Clint said.

"Yeah, but only for a few months or so before I turned 21." Tony shrugged. "Then I inherited a multi-billion dollar company and had to run it."

"Why did Howard wanna look for Bucky?" Steve asked.

"Because of his massive man-crush on you and the fact that neither yours or Bucky's bodies had ever been found." Tony shrugged. "Y'know. Because both of you you'd never actually died."

"Was he still looking for me, too?"

"Up until his death." Tony sighed. "My dad's friend Peggy helped a lot, of course, when they weren't busy founding SHIELD."

"Peggy?" Steve asked. "Peggy Carter?"

"Of course." Tony looked taken aback. "I don't know any other Peggys."

"Peggy Carter?" A voice said from behind.

"Of _course_, I just said it_ was_, Spangles." Tony felt something cold wrap around his arm and yelped in surprise. It was Bucky. He'd found them. But the group was pretty easy to find when you faced them coming out of the attraction you had snuck on. Steve burst into hysterical laughter once again. "Jesus Christ, Bucky!" Tony shouted. "Don't do that again!"

"Tony, watch your language."

"Uh, I don't believe in God... Or any deity actually. So I didn't actually swear." Tony narrowed his eyes at Steve.

"But I am a god." Thor said, sadly. "I am the god of thunder."

"No, you're not." Tony said. "You're some sort of alien from another dimension that you call 'Asgard', whatever." He made quotation marks in the air as he spoke in a mocking tone to Thor. Thor raised his fist, ready to hit Tony.

"NO!" Maria shouted before the situation could escalate. "No arguing! _Especially_ over politics and _religion_!" She turned to Bucky. "Where the hell were you?" She snapped.

"Uh... I got caught up in a crowd and ended up on the Progress Carousel of something?"

"Carousel of Progress." Clint corrected.

"Yeah. That."

"How was it?" Tony asked.

"It was... Enlightening, I guess." Bucky shrugged. "But the last show confused me. We live in two-thousand-something and we _still_ don't have virtual reality or stoves that respond to you."

"I do." Tony smirked.

"No you don't." Clint said. "You have JARVIS."

"Same thing, Bird Brain."

"Ignore him, Buck." Steve rolled his eyes.

"We're going to go on Carousel of Progress after we go on Space Mountain." Maria said with a look on her face that said 'this is non-negotiable'. "Clint?"

"FastPasses are open now, Maria."

"Good." Maria said. "We're going on _now_." The Avengers, fearing Maria's wrath, sheepishly followed her into the attraction entrance.

* * *

><p>The photos were taken, they'd bid their goodbyes to Cinderella, so it was now time for the Coulsons to meet Rapunzel. Dana ran to Rapunzel and hugged her before she could crouch down to the 4 year old.<p>

"Well, hello. What's your name?" A startled Rapunzel asked.

"Dana Elizabeth Coulson." Dana mumbled.

"Dana." Rapunzel repeated. "That's a very nice name. Eugene doesn't seem to think so though." She turned to Phil and Max. "And what's your name?" She asked Max, who blushed and shook his head ferociously.

"His name's Max." Phil said, smiling to the Disney Princess. "He's just shy. Very shy." He stroked his son's head, which seemed to calm the little boy down considerably. "He thought he could handle meeting you and your princess friend, Rapunzel, but I guess he's still really shy."

"How cute!" Rapunzel crouched down to Max. "Are you enjoying your day so far?" Max nodded. "Did you eat lots of food or go on any rides?" Max nodded. "Which was it?"

"Rides." He said softly.

"And what about you, Dana, did _you_ go on any rides?"

"Yeah!" Dana squealed in such a high pitch that made Phil wish he was Hawkeye.

"Which one was your favorite?"

"Um... Winnie the Pooh!" Dana said after thinking. Rapunzel turned to Max.

"And what about you?" Max shook his head and grabbed Phil's arm.

"He's still really shy." Phil said. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry." Rapunzel said as she stood up. "You're obviously a wonderful and caring grandfather..."

"Excuse me?" Phil asked-a bit too loudly and startled the princess and the PhotoPass photographers.

"Did I..."

"I'm their father!" Rapunzel blushed, like Cinderella earlier.

"I-I'm so sorry." She blushed. "Well, how about we take a picture!" She led the Coulsons to her photo spot and posed, putting one hand on Dana's shoulder and the other around Phil's shoulders.

* * *

><p>"Did you like Space Mountain, Thor?" Tony asked as the Avengers browsed the gift shop.<p>

"It was better than riding the rotating plastic horses." Thor mumbled. "This Space Mountain was indeed a violent ride. The safety bar oft hurt my thighs and what you would call genitals..." He handed over a Mickey Mouse shaped _Rice Krispie_ treat to Maria.

"TMI, Thor." Clint said, picking up a fridge magnet.

"TMI?"

"Too Much Information." Natasha explained.

"When is the next FastPass available, Clint?" Maria asked. Clint pulled out his phone to check the My Disney Experience app, while Maria paid for Thor's _Rice Krispie_ treat.

"In an hour and a half, Maria."

"Carousel of Progress?"

"I think it's a cruel and unusual punishment to heap onto poor Bucky, who only came off it like 20 minutes ago." Tony said, putting his arm around the confused looking super soldier as they all exited the gift shop. "No, I propose we go back to Fantasyland."

"That _would_ be easier, since the next FastPass is for Splash Mountain." Natasha said thoughtfully.

"What are we going to _do_ in Fantasyland?"

"Food." Everyone but Maria said in unison.

"We're gonna get some food." Tony said.

* * *

><p>Phil's daughter demanded to go meet Anna and Elsa next, so Phil once again found himself in a queue to meet Disney Princesses. He loved his daughter, of course he did, it's just that the highly trained SHIELD agent in him didn't <em>quite<em> know what to make of the Disney Princess overload. Two and a half years ago, there _were_ no princesses in his life. There was no _Lego_ strewn about the floor to painfully stand on barefoot. No _Daniel Tiger_ or Elmo. He only had the one car to run-Lola. He could spend all his time at the Playground or on the helicarrier. But Phil's life was a lot more empty.

Sure, he had child figures in Clint, Natasha and Skye. But he never had any children of his own. It took being dead for several days and then being excruciatingly painfully brought back from death-and decomposition, but Phil and everyone else liked to forget that bit-to realize what he'd been missing out on.

And then Phil was brought back down to earth with a crash as he realized that he was hating every single second that he was waiting in line for. Next time he needed a vacation, he was leaving his kids with Eddie and Cassie and flying straight to London. Or Madripoor. Toronto? Wakanda? Paris? Cardiff? Oklahoma City? Anywhere would do. As long as it didn't involve queuing up for hours to see Disney Princesses.

* * *

><p>"It's not <em>all<em> bad, Thor." Clint shrugged.

"He's lying. It is." Natasha said. Thor looked puzzled as a Cast Member approached the group.

"How many in your party?" She asked.

"Nine." Maria answered.

"Alright, four in row one and five in row two." As they walked down to the gate, the Cast Member approached Tony. "You're Tony Stark, aren't you?"

"Indeed I am, thank you for noticing."

"Iron Man?"

"Yes. I am Iron Man." Tony said as he put his arm around Steve. "And this is my good friend, Captain America." The Cast Member pulled out her phone and took a photo.

"That is _so_ going on _Instagram_!" She said excitedly as she walked off to greet the next family. Steve pushed Tony's arm from his shoulder.

"We're _not_ friends, Tony." He said firmly.

"He's just confused." Tony nodded. "70 years on ice will do that to you."

"Go to hell, Stark." Steve hissed.

"I _knew_ it was a terrible idea, you two sitting near each other." Maria growled. "Here's the _new_ seating plan-Natasha, Clint, Bruce and Tony in row 1 and myself, Thor, Steve, Bucky and Sam in row 2. Now everyone swap." Clint and Natasha shuffled to the first row as Steve and Bucky shuffled to the second row right as their boat arrived.

"This music is already making me wanna blow my brains out." Sam muttered.

"Oh yeah?" Tony asked, turning around to face the former soldier. "Where did your winged backpack come from in Captain America The Winter Soldier?"

"Uh... The army."

"And you were allowed to borrow or bring home such a sophisticated piece of equipment?" Sam looked down sheepishly.

"Yep. Bit of a plot hole there." Tony turned back around and folded his arms behind his head.

"Shut up, Stark." Maria spat in Tony's ear.

The boat moved through scenes of Europe as the music played.

_It's a world of laughter and a world of tears_

_It's a world of hopes and a world of fears_

_There's so much that we share_

_That is time we're aware_

_It's a small world after all_

Thor looked on with a look of amazement plastered on his face, whereas Tony's read 'kill me now'. Clint looked unnaturally relaxed, so Natasha tapped his arm to get his attention. Her lips were moving, but Clint couldn't hear anything. His smile just got wider.

"I can't hear you, Tasha!" Clint said, hoping he wasn't shouting (he was). "I turned my hearing aids off ages ago, so I wouldn't have to listen to that song!"

_It's working then_? Natasha signed back.

"Oh yeah!" Clint nodded.

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small, small world_

The song kept going as the boat entered scenes of Asia with flying carpets, box kites and pandas. Steve and Bucky both looked on with expressions of confusion. The ride itself was simple enough to understand-kids from around the world singing a song of unification. The Avengers themselves, weren't exactly perfect, caucasian all-Americans. Bucky and Natasha were from Russia-well, Bucky was originally American-and Thor was from Asgard, a different realm entirely than earth. Then there was Black Panther and he was from Wakanda. And of course, Sam and Fury were both African American.

They perfectly understood the concept. What they _didn't_ understand however, was the appeal. They looked around realizing that Tony was right. This ride _is_ crappy.

_There is just one moon_

_And one golden sun_

_And a smile means friendship to everyone_

_Though the mountains divide_

_And the oceans are wide_

The boat carried on floating along into African scenes, mostly populated by animals. Clint carried on smiling contently and unable/unwilling to hear the song, while the rest of his Avengers team are forced to hear it.

"Never have I felt so jealous of Barton." Tony whispered to Bruce.

"I know what you mean." Bruce whispered. "I can feel myself just getting madder with every word these godforsaken dolls are singing."

"Whoa! You're not gonna Hulk out on us are you?"

"God no!" Bruce whispered loudly. "When I said 'mad', I didn't mean 'angry', I meant 'mad' as in 'insane'." He explained. "You know, bonkers. Mental. Crazy."

"Yeah, that's what I hoped you meant." Bruce rolled his eyes. "Because I feel the same way."

"Of _course_ you did." Bruce said after a short pause. "We _are_ science bros after all."

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small, small world_

The boat drifted into scenes of both Antarctica and Latin America. Sam groaned to himself. After a short pause, he nudged Steve.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Is this getting on your nerves too?" Sam whined.

"Bucky and I just can't seem to work out the appeal of the ride." Steve admitted. "That's bugging me. The ride, not so much."

"I hate this. I want off." Sam snapped.

"At this point, so do I." Bucky groaned. "It's been 5 minutes or more. I hate it-the song just goes over and over on a frigging loop-but in different languages."

"Damn it, calm down, Buck." Steve whispered as he put his hand on Bucky's real hand.

"Sorry, Steve, Sam." Bucky looked down sheepishly. "I just don't know how much more of this song I can take. This is actually _worse_ than the Hydra torture."

"I don't know about that..." Steve said.

"You weren't there."

"Not my fault."

"I know." Bucky said. "But I'm pretty sure this godawful ride is Hydra's."

_It's a world of laughter and a world of tears_

_It's a world of hopes and a world of fears_

_There's so much that we share_

_That is time we're aware_

_It's a small world after all_

The Avengers' boat floated through the rainforest and came out the side of the Polynesian islands. Natasha tapped Clint's arm again.

_I think I'm going to drown myself in this water_. She signed. _You want in_?

Clint beamed. _I'd rather the last thing I hear not be this song_. He signed back.

_What are you talking about_? Natasha signed, with a look of confusion. _You can't hear anything_.

_No, but I could always turn my hearing aids back on and listen to the song_.

_Not that you'd want to_. Natasha rolled her eyes.

_Yeah, I wouldn't_.

_Only you, Clint Barton, only you_. Natasha smiled.

_Well at least I don't have to listen to that garbage song_. Clint signed smugly. _You do_.

_Touché, Barton_. Natasha signed.

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small, small world_

After what felt like a lifetime, finally the boat drifted into the final scene. One thing the Avengers all noticed was how white the scene was. Everything was white. Very white.

"I can't help but feel this is a little racist." Sam frowned.

"At least none of them are dressed like the KKK." Steve offered.

"Yeah, but it's all still really, very white." Sam said. "There's little to no diversity here... And everything's all white."

"I hate to admit it, but Birdy here, well he has a point." Tony said.

"Stark, have you been listening in on our conversation?"

"Uh... Yes."

"Go to hell." Steve said. "I mean it. As a God fearing Christian, I-Steven Rogers... Or Captain America, whichever you prefer-am telling you-Anthony Stark-to go the fuck to hell."

"And I appreciate the offer, but that's gonna be pretty difficult for me, y'know? Since I'm an atheist and all."

"What did I say about religion?" Maria hissed angrily.

"Sorry, Maria." Steve and Tony said.

"I know you two aren't exactly keen on each other. That's why SHIELD mandated this retreat."

"I thought it was because none of us were getting on?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah, that's why." Maria said. "And Cap and Tony come under the 'none of you' label." Bruce shrugged and turned around. Clint still looked content, while Natasha looked close to pulling her hair out.

"You know, you have to admit that Sam has a point about this scene seeming racist." Natasha said, after a pause. "It's creepily uniformly white."

"Thank you!" Sam exclaimed.

"Well, Walt Disney was a well known nazi." Tony shrugged.

"No he wasn't!" Steve argued. "You didn't see half the anti-nazi propaganda from the 40s that Buck and I saw that Disney put out."

"Yeah, there was one about Donald Duck dreaming he was a nazi, but relieved when he woke up." Bucky explained. "I think he signed up for the US army or something after."*

"And there was another one about a young nazi growing up..." Steve muttered. **

"Alright, geez!" Tony grunted. "I was only joking."

"You don't joke about nazis and Hydra, Tony." Maria said coolly. "That's why we don't have a helicarrier any more." She narrowed her eyes. "Or a Phil Coulson."

"I thought Loki killed him." Tony said.

"Indeed." Thor agreed. "I witnessed my brother pierce through the chest of Son of Coul with his scepter with my own eyes. There is no doubt in my mind that Loki killed our dear friend."

"Yeah, Loki skewered him, but Hydra destroyed all of our Life Model Decoys." Maria lied. "Meaning if there was a way of saving Agent Coulson, Hydra ensured we couldn't get him back."

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small world after all_

_It's a small, small world_

Finally the boat passed through the Goodbye Room and all the Avengers tried to read all the signs for 'goodbye' in other languages, taking their minds off Hydra and the not-so dearly departed Phil Coulson.

After the Avengers all got out of their boat, they ran up the ramp and away from the ride as fast as they could, leaving Maria to run after them all.

"Where do we go now?" Sam asked.

"We could meet a character." Natasha suggested as Clint fiddled with the devices tucked behind his ears.

"Mickey mouse would be the obvious choice." Clint said. "But I don't know where we meet him.

"I don't care where we go or what we do next." Steve admitted. "I'm just glad to be off that... Whatever that was."

"Yeah." Bucky nodded. "If I could make the Hydra agents who tortured me ride that repeatedly, I would. About ten times would equal what they did to me."

"Okay..." Tony said, feeling uneasy with the change in conversation. "So... First character we see?" Everyone mumbled in agreement and walked-quickly-away from It's a Small World. None of them wanted to be back on it in a hurry. Except perhaps Thor, who seemed to actually and genuinely enjoy it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Next chapter: read on helplessly as the Avengers cut their afternoon short at the Magic Kingdom to visit the hospital. Yes, one of them gets injured. Any guesses who? Hint: it's not Thor or Banner.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed or favorited this story. It's really nice to know that my late night side project is actually liked by people. Please continue to enjoy it. I hope you do. **

**I don't own the Avengers. Marvel do and since Disney own Marvel, Disney own the Avengers.**

*** Der Fuehrer's Face**

****Education For Death-The Making of the Nazi**


	7. The Road to Hospital

Nick Fury was slumped over his desk with his head in his hand, looking over Hydra base schematics on his iPad. When his SHIELD phone started ringing, he didn't waste one second answering it.

"Fury." He said

"Hey Nick, it's Maria here, just calling to check in."

"You found Barnes, I take it." Fury began drumming his fingers on his desk.

"I did." Maria said hopefully. "How'd the thing in Jersey City go?"

"We'll, T'Challa and the SHIELD team got there, but a teenager taking Carol Danvers' old name of Ms Marvel got there first." Fury grunted. "The situation _was_ neutralized and MODOK is now in SHIELD custody."

"Alright, good to know." Maria said.

"Hill?" Fury asked, narrowing his eye. "You're sounding strained. Tell me what's wrong." He demanded.

"I'm in hospital now, Sir." Maria said sheepishly. "One of the Avengers got hurt. Bad enough for hospital treatment."

"What happened?!" Fury barked.

"Let me start at the beginning..." Maria trailed off.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Here's the teaser for my next chapter, since I'm gonna be busy with exams next week and won't be able to update. It will be told from Maria's point of view, so no Coulson here, however, there will be references. **

**So if you can guess who got hurt, you'll earn some serious digital brownie points. It's not Bruce or Thor. **

**As always, I don't own the Avengers, SHIELD, Hydra or any other Marvel character.**


	8. Maria's Story

Nick Fury was slumped over his desk with his head in his hand, looking over Hydra base schematics on his _iPad_. When his SHIELD phone started ringing, he didn't waste one second answering it.

"Fury." He said

"Hey Nick, it's Maria here, just calling to check in."

"You found Barnes, I take it." Fury began drumming his fingers on his desk.

"I did." Maria said hopefully. "How'd the thing in Jersey City go?"

"We'll, T'Challa and the SHIELD team got there, but a teenager taking Carol Danvers' old name of Ms Marvel got there first." Fury grunted. "The situation _was_ neutralized and MODOK is now in SHIELD custody."

"Alright, good to know." Maria said.

"Hill?" Fury asked, narrowing his eye. "You're sounding strained. Tell me what's wrong." He demanded.

"I'm in hospital now, Sir." Maria said sheepishly. "One of the Avengers got hurt. Bad enough for hospital treatment."

"What happened?!" Fury barked.

"Let me start at the beginning..." Maria trailed off.

* * *

><p>The Avengers were walking through Liberty Square, when something caught Steve's eye.<p>

"Ooh!" He cried out. "Hall of Presidents! That sounds fun!"

"No, that sounds dull." Tony countered. "Country Bear Jamboree sounds fun."

"We're going to Splash Mountain, guys." Clint said determinedly.

"I thought we were looking for a character to take a picture with?" Sam frowned.

"We are, but the next ride we do will be Splash Mountain." Clint explained.

"But neither Hall of Presidents or Country Bear Jamboree are rides, they're shows." Tony said.

"Yeah, but those shows take up a lot of time." Natasha said. "It's like 20 minutes for the show itself and however long queuing it is for the next show."

"I do not understand." Thor said. "What is it that you mean about these 'shows'?"

"Well, Thor..." Natasha rubbed the back of her neck. "The time you spend waiting for a show to start is the time it is between shows. For example, we might get at Hall of Presidents too late for the next show and have to hang about 20 minutes for the next show to start. Or we might get there 5 minutes before the next show starts and wait only 5 minutes."

"I understand now, thank you, Lady Natasha." Thor said with a smile.

"So we're _not_ going to see the Hall of Presidents?" A crestfallen Steve asked.

"No, we're not." Tony said. "We're going to see the Country Jamboree Bears."

"We're not going to see that either." Natasha said. "We're going so find a character to take a picture with."

"Why can't we see both shows and meet a character?" Bucky asked.

"Because we're pressed for time." Clint said, shoving his phone in Bucky's face. Bucky swatted Clint's arm away. "The FastPass opens in 20 minutes." The group walked past the Frontierland Trading Post and Tony pulled the park map from his pocket and opened it.

"It seems there is a character just behind here." Tony pointed under a bridge into Adventureland.

"Magic Carpets?" Steve asked, in awe. "Not even SHIELD has those."

"That's because it's a ride." Tony rolled his eyes and led the Avengers into Adventureland. "Where is the character, Tony?" Maria asked as the Avengers were crowded outside Sunshine Tree Terrace.

"Uh... There." Natasha shrugged as she gestured to the meet and greet area for Aladdin and Princess Jasmine.

"Holy shit, that's convenient." Tony says and the Avengers walk over to the line to meet Aladdin and Princess Jasmine. Steve and Bucky exchange uneasy looks.

"I don't know this 'Aladdin'." Steve said. "What movie is he from?"

"Aladdin." Tony replied...

* * *

><p>"Alright, I don't need to know everything." Fury snapped. "Just skip that bit, Hill."<p>

"But the Aladdin meet is actually pretty important." Hill said. "It's all leading into the hospital visit."

"Continue." Fury said abrasively.

* * *

><p>The Avengers were next in line for Aladdin.<p>

"Do you think they'll say anything about my arm?" Bucky asked, rubbing the metal arm self consciously. He quickly ripped his flesh hand away once the metal started to burn it.

"I don't think so, Bucky." Sam said. "They're actors. They don't get paid to comment on guests' prosthetic limbs."

"Even if they _are_ advanced and cybernetic." Tony adds.

"Good Aladdins and Jasmines are hard to come by, Bucky." Maria said. "I'm sure neither of them would say or do anything that would get them canned."

"Canned?" Bucky and Steve asked.

"Canned." Tony repeated. "You know, fired." The super soldiers both nodded in comprehension. Steve took his phone from his pocket and began fiddling with it. He continued to fiddle with it as the Avengers were all called forward, not paying any attention-one of the PhotoPass photographers had to turn Steve around to Aladdin so he didn't bump into them.

"Hey! Capsicle!" Tony shouted. "Wake up!

Steve looked up from his phone. "How do you send a text?" He asked.

"Oh. Here." Aladdin tapped the touch screen on Steve's phone and the text changed from 'draft' to 'sent'.

"Thanks...?" Steve looked at Aladdin in his rags.

"Aladdin." Aladdin smiled, offering Steve his hand.

"I'm Steve." Steve said, keeping his phone in his shorts pocket. "But people know me as Captain America."

"And I'm Tony Stark, Iron Man, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

"Aladdin was talking to _me_!" Steve growled, pulling Tony to face him.

"And we're all here to see Aladdin!" Tony shouted.

"No yelling in front of the Princess!" Steve shouted back.

"Think you kinda already BROKE _that_ rule, Cap!" Tony narrowed his eyes. Steve narrowed his eyes in return.

"Cap! Tony! Stop it!" Maria shouted frantically. "People are recording this to go on _YouTube_!"

* * *

><p>"Yeah, I see it." Fury groaned. He now had Maria on speakerphone as he browsed his computer. Currently, he was on <em>YouTube<em>, where there _were_ indeed videos of Tony and Steve's spat in front of Aladdin and Princess Jasmine.

"What do we do about it?"

"_We_ do nothing." Fury snarled. "_I_ do damage control and wipe these videos off _YouTube_, the Internet _and_ the phones that took them."

"How do you know...?" Maria began.

"You can tell from the quality." Fury sighed. He had a lot of work ahead of him. "Carry on, Hill."

* * *

><p>The Avengers walked away from their meet with Aladdin.<p>

"What did you think, Cap?" Clint asked.

"Probably would've enjoyed it more had I known who Aladdin and Princess Jasmine were." Steve admitted. "Or if Tony hadn't got in my face about nothing really important."

"Yeah can you try not to go nuclear in front of the guests again?" Maria asked. "Or at all?" She added, rubbing the back of her neck.

"We're going to Splash Mountain now and try not to fight all the way there." Maria glared at Steve and Tony, who looked at the ground sheepishly.

* * *

><p>"And did they?" Fury asked.<p>

"No. We stopped for an ice cream but they never fought." Maria said. "Sure they_ glared_ at each other, but they never actually said anything."

"So how did one of the Avengers end up in the hospital, then?" Fury snapped.

"I'm getting to that, Fury." Maria sighed. "About halfway through the ride, they started fighting again. Only 8 of us were in the ride boat at the time, so Sam chose to ride apart and didn't witness the fight."

"Fight?" Fury asked.

"It wasn't a fist fight, but it went something like this."

* * *

><p>"It's fine." Sam shrugged. "I'll sit in the other boat."<p>

"Are you sure, Sam?" Maria asked.

"Yeah, sure." Sam smiled. "You need to look after these knuckleheads." Sam walked over to the next boat's row 1.

"Alright!" Maria called out. "Here's how we're gonna order this." She inhaled deeply. "Tony and Bruce, row 1. Steve and Bucky, row 2. Thor and me, row 3. And Clint and Natasha, row 4. Now get to your designated row." She said as the boats arrived and the safety gates opened.

"Eew." Steve exclaimed. "The seats are wet." He pointed to puddles on the seats.

"Let Bucky sit on the left, unless you want your right arm to be burned by his prosthetic." Maria sighed. Steve stood out the way for Bucky to sit down and Bucky did so hesitantly. "Bucky, this is Florida, your ass will dry quickly, plus you'll get wetter during the ride."

"I think there's a reason they call is Splash Mountain, Buck." Steve said nervously.

"Sit the fuck DOWN!" Maria loudly whispered in their ears. They sat down very quickly and pulled their lap bars down sheepishly.

* * *

><p>"So what happened on Splash Mountain <em>exactly<em>, Maria?" Fury asked impatiently.

"Something where Clint, Natasha and I had to implement SHIELD Damage Control." Maria said.

"That bad, huh?" Fury muttered, tapping his pen on his desk.

"Oh... Very." Maria said through gritted teeth.

* * *

><p>"What is this, Maria?" Steve asked turning around.<p>

"It's based on Song of the South."

"Why have we never heard of it?" Bucky asked, enamored with the animatronics.

"It's banned for being racist." She replied.

"Why make a ride of it, then?" Steve shrugged.

"Cuz this bit isn't racist" Bruce said.

"How is it racist?" Bucky asked, cocking his head.

"I don't know." Maria admitted. "It was banned before I was even born. I'm sure the answer's on the Internet somewhere."

"Ooh! I love the Internet!" Steve gushed. "Super helpful."

"Lady Hill, what is a 'Laughing Place'?" Thor asked. "Surely this isn't it? Because I am certainly not in any mood for laughter."

"It's just a place that makes you feel happy." Maria said, pinching the bridge of her nose desperately. "This is Br'er Rabbit's laughing place, not yours."

"Oh." Thor said thoughtfully. "So my 'laughing place' would be glorious battle?"

"Whatever you want, Thor."

_Everybody's got a laughing place_

_A laughing place to go-ho-ho_

_Take a frown, turn it upside down_

_And you'll find yours we know-ho-ho_

_Honey and rainbows on our way_

_We're laughing 'cause our work is play_

_Boy, are we in luck_

_We're visiting our laughing place_

_Yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk-yuk_

Thor began singing the song. As does Bucky, who grinned from ear to ear examining the animatronics.

"Yo, Spangles!" Tony calls. "Shut your brain damaged buddy up for us, will ya?" He asks as theAvengers' boat begins the climb before the big drop.

"You say 'brain damaged' like it's a bad thing, Tony." Steve growled. "Leave Bucky alone."

"Alright, I'll leave your pal alone." Tony rolled his eyes. "Doesn't mean he's not brain damaged though.

As the boat went over the big drop, some of the Avengers posed for the camera. Clint bunny eared Natasha, who lifted her black t-shirt to reveal a _Batman_ tank top, Bucky stared ahead like a deer in the headlights, Bruce ducked and covered his head with his hands, Thor simply waved while Maria held her face in her hands and Steve strangled Tony from behind.

* * *

><p>"I'm so sorry." Fury said in monotone.<p>

"Yeah, damage control consisted of deleting any and all photos of Captain America strangling Tony Stark." Maria sighed. There was a pained scream in the background.

"What was that?" Fury asked.

"Nothing." Maria said quickly. "Absolutely nothing."

"Maria..." Fury said warningly.

"Fury, I _am_ at a hospital. People are hurt, sick and/or dying." Maria said matter of factly. "It stands to reason that people would be in pain here."

"Maria, I swear to God, if that's one of the Avengers..."

"It isn't." It was. "Don't worry about it." She assured.

"So what happened then?"

"Quite a bit, between then and the hospital."

* * *

><p>The Avengers were all wet after Splash Mountain and irritated after missing the first half of their designated Big Thunder Mountain FastPass. They missed it because the SHIELD agents had to get rid of all evidence of Steve trying to kill Tony. So they all went straight there.<p>

"Steve, you _really_ strangled Tony?" Sam asked, not quite believing what had been told to him.

"Yeah." Natasha nodded. "I have the only copy of the photo left on this USB stick." She took a USB stick from her small purse.

"Cool! Can I see it?"

"Later."

"Guys!" Clint whined. "We have to go to Big Thunder Mountain, NOW!"

"Geez, would you shut up, Bird Brain!" Tony groaned. "It's just up these steps." Tony gestured to the steps ahead.

"Tony!" Natasha shouted. "I just spent the past 40 minutes-and so did Maria and Clint-cleaning up _your_ mess!"

"_My_ mess?" Tony asked incredulously. "Capsicle's the one who just tried to murder me!"

"Tony." Maria said warningly.

* * *

><p>"Amazingly, we managed to get on Big Thunder Mountain without a hitch." Maria chuckled lightly. "Tony waited out with Bruce, Clint sat with Natasha, Sam sat with Thor, Steve sat with Bucky and I sat alone. I thought the key was having the two apart from each other."<p>

"Let me guess, it wasn't?" Fury asked.

"Nope." Maria said, popping the "p".

"What did you mean by Tony waiting out with Bruce, exactly?" Fury asked.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry sir." The Cast Member said apologetically. "But in order to experience this attraction, you must be in good physical health and free from any heart, back or neck problems."<p>

"But I am." Tony protested. The Cast Member pointed to Tony's arc reactor.

"Sorry, Mr. Stark, but that counts as a heart condition."

"Bu-But... I am Iron Man!" Tony said.

"I'm aware, Mr. Stark." The Cast Member said. "But this ride is very rough. It's also very bumpy and fast."

"I'm Iron Man!" Tony whined. "I've flown halfway across the world in a day, I've fought robot drones and crazed Gods... I've even entered a wormhole!" Tony said desperately, trying to prove his point.

"I'm sorry, sir." The Cast Member said. "Rules are rules. I _can't_ allow you to experience this attraction."

"Good." Maria said. "You can wait with Bruce." Tony huffed angrily and walked over to the ice cream stand just opposite the ride entrance.

* * *

><p>"You're shitting me?!" Fury said. He was close to laughter.<p>

"No, Sir. I am _not_ kidding."

"So how did they react to Bucky?"

"I think because it's such a good arm, the Cast Member didn't realize it was actually a prosthetic." Maria sighed.

* * *

><p>The Avengers started walking through Frontierland. Clint was bouncing around excitedly, Natasha and Sam were smiling happily while Thor was laughing loudly. However, not everyone enjoyed the ride as Steve was whimpering and Bucky was just looking around cautiously. Tony was irritated that he never got a chance to ride.<p>

"Where to now?" Sam asked.

"How about Pirates of the Caribbean?" Tony suggested. "Maybe I'll get on that ride, even though they allowed me on Splash Mountain." He muttered bitterly.

"Fine. But no arguing." Maria said sternly. "From either you OR Steve."

"Fine." Tony growled. Steve simply narrowed his eyes and nodded. Maria led the Avengers into Adventureland.

* * *

><p>In the queue for Pirates of the Caribbean, Clint inched himself over to Natasha. Natasha didn't say anything.<p>

"How long now?" Bucky asked. "This lighting's giving me a headache."

"Sorry to say, Bucky, but the lighting's like this through the whole ride." Maria said.

"Still though, how long?" Bucky asked.

"Not long." Maria replied. "I can see the boarding place."

Everyone went silent. Clint used the ensuing silence to move himself closer to Natasha. The line moved forward and Clint used it as an opportunity to graze his shoulder with Natasha's. Natasha smiled to herself. The line moved forward again and a Cast Member approached the Avengers.

"How many in your party?"

"Nine." Maria replied.

"Okay, three in row 3, three in row 4 and three in row 5." The Cast Member said, directing them all to the rows.

"Steve, Sam and Bucky will sit in row 5." Maria said. "Clint, Natasha and I will sit in row 4 and Bruce, Tony and Thor will sit in row 3. No negotiations." She added.

* * *

><p>On the ride, Thor whooped during the drop. Maria got uncomfortable when she noticed some inappropriate touching by Clint and Natasha. And Sam spent the entire time trying to convince Steve and Bucky that the pirates weren't pirates. Oh and Thor also memorized the "Yo Ho Yo Ho" song for singing once off the attraction.<p>

"_Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me_

_We extort and pilfer, we filch and we sack_

_Drink up me hearties, yo ho!_

_Maraud and embezzle and even hijack_

_Drink up me hearties, yo ho!_" Thor sang joyously in the gift shop.

"Come on, man." Tony rolled his eyes.

"Leave him alone, I say." Steve said.

"He's annoying me and attracting everyone's attention." Tony growled.

"But he isn't hurting anyone." Steve narrowed his eyes challengingly.

"He's hurting people's eardrums." Tony walked over to Steve and folded his arms.

"No he's not." Steve hissed.

"Get me an _Advil_!" Tony shouted. "Thor's loud voice is giving me a headache!"

The next moments were a blur. Steve raised his fist to Tony, but Tony punched Steve first. Bruce stepped back nervously, while Clint grabbed one of Tony's arms and Natasha grabbed the other to stop Tony from hitting Steve again. Steve lunged for Tony and Bucky grabbed his waist. However, Steve broke free and Bucky grabbed his arm in a desperate attempt to hold him back. There was then a snapping noise and a bloodcurdling scream, causing everyone who was looking on, to look away fast.

* * *

><p>"And you're telling me Coulson was there?" Fury asked with a wince.<p>

"Saw the whole thing with his kids." Maria replied.

"Man... Those poor kids." Fury shook his head. "So what happened then?"

"Well, despite his insistence that he was fine, we still decided to take him to the hospital. I mean, it was a pretty gruesome injury."

"So you described to me, Hill." Fury snapped. "And in such perfect detail too."

"Yeah, well..." Maria sighed."I gotta go. He's been discharged."

"Talk soon, Hill." Fury said, preparing to hang up the phone. "And enjoy the rest of your vacay."

"Sir, you can't..." Maria just heard the dial tone. She sighed frustratedly and pocketed her phone.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry to make you wait to find out who it is. The next chapter will be Coulson-centric so you'll find out in the NEXT chapter who it is. Keep sending your predictions-either Tony or Steve. Also in the next chapter, find out who Steve could have possibly been texting. Was it Wanda? Pietro? T'Challa? Nick Fury? Someone else? **

**The Clintasha stuff kind of happened, but it's Valentine's Day, so no real problem there. Yeah, I do kind of ship Clintasha. **

**I will not be updating for a while as there's been a death in the family, so I dedicate this chapter to my Uncle Malcolm, who died suddenly on Thursday night. **

**As always, I don't own the Avengers.**


	9. Phil's Story

Fury slammed the phone down and grunted. He hurled his stapler across the room and a female agent practically ran in.

"Director Fury?" She asked.

"I'm fine, Agent." Fury snapped.

"No, I wanted to discuss something with you."

"Come in and sit down then." Fury said, offering the agent a seat. She sat down. "Now what is it you want, Sharon?"

"I wanted to inform you about these weird texts I've been receiving from Captain Rogers all day." Sharon said, pulling her phone carefully from her pocket.

"All day?" Fury asked, snatching Sharon's phone from her.

"Yes." Sharon replied in an annoyed tone of voice. "What's going on, Fury? Where is he?"

"Right now, he's at a hospital in Orlando."

"Orlando?" She asked. "Wait-what... HOSPITAL?!"

"All the Avengers are there, there was an accident." Fury muttered, looking through Sharon's texts. He found she was right, Steve _had_ been contacting her all day.

**Sharon? Who's Aladdin?**

**Sharon, what's a Splash Mountain?**

**Sharon, are roller coasters the same now like the war?**

**Sharon, I don't like this!**

**Sharon, pirates aren't still about are they?**

**Sahrrn I n hposptl rldno hlpe**

**Dskltd shdlr**

"His texts get messier as the day goes on." Fury noted. "I don't know _what _the last ones are supposed to be."

"Is this something I need to be worried about, Fury?" Sharon asked as Fury handed her her phone back.

"Not at all." Fury smiled. "I've sent the Avengers all on vacation. To Disney World."

"Disney World?" Sharon asked. "But Steve..."

"Can handle it. He's a big boy." Fury picked up the phone. "He's technically in his 90s. Now go. I have a phone call to make." Sharon stood up and left Fury's office indignantly as Fury set his phone to speakerphone.

"Hello?" Came the voice on the other end.

"Coulson." Fury said. "I heard you witnessed something today in the line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride."

"Actually, Sir, it was in the gift shop." Phil explained.

"So you _did_ witness it then."

"Indeed I did, sir."

"Tell me how your day went and end it with that incident." Fury ordered. "And think of it as one of those debriefings that you're so obsessed with."

"Alright, Sir." Phil agreed. "I took my kids to the Magic Kingdom. There we went up Main Street USA and I got them both Mickey Mouse ears and dolls each. I got Max a Donald Duck plush doll and Dana a Queen Elsa plush doll."

"Who?"

"From Frozen. Anyway, we went into Fantasyland and went on the Winnie the Pooh ride and saw the PhilharMagic show before meeting the princesses Cinderella and Rapunzel and Anna and Elsa. I _did_ see the Avengers but they didn't see me." Phil explained. "Well, that's a lie. Barton and Romanoff saw me. But I'm not too worried about that. They see me all the time."

"I'm not worried about that either." Fury said. "So what happened after that?"

Phil gave a small chuckle. "Well, it's kind of a long story..."

* * *

><p>"Come on, guys." Phil said after he'd begrudgingly met with the Frozen princesses. "Dana, you already have an Elsa doll, I'm not getting you an Anna in the same day." Dana opened her mouth to speak. "Or a Hans, a Kristoff or an Olaf." She frowned and folded her arms. Phil smiled because it was cute. "Same goes for you, Max. I'm not getting you an Olaf."<p>

"So where are we going?" Dana asked.

"Well, I got you FastPasses to do the Little Mermaid ride, so how about that?" Phil watched as his daughter's eyes lit up.

"Little Mermaid?!" She squealed. "Ariel! I'm gonna see Ariel!" She started bouncing around.

"Dad, I don't _want_ to see Little Mermaid." Max said.

"I know." Phil said. "That's why I got FastPasses to see Pirates of the Caribbean a little later on. I know how much you like Jack Sparrow."

"It's _Captain_ Jack Sparrow, Dad!" Max laughed. "You know that!" Phil smiled.

"Course I do." He said innocently. "Now come on. We're going over to see the Little Mermaid before your sister explodes with excitement."

* * *

><p>"And you did?" Fury said.<p>

"Yeah. We did." Phil sighed. "And I thought we'd dodged the Avengers, but I hadn't banked on them coming from Tomorrowland."

* * *

><p>"<em>Under the sea<em>

_Under the sea_

_Everything's better_

_Down where it's wetter_

_Take it from me!_"

Phil's daughter sang happily as she danced away from the Little Mermaid: Ariel's Undersea Adventure ride. His son Max was drinking from a bottle of water Phil had purchased earlier that day.

"Dana!" Phil called out. "Don't go too far! Stay close, I don't want to lose you!"

"Okay, Daddy!" Dana said as she ran back to Phil and grabbed onto his shorts.

"Where... Are we going now, Dad?" Max asked, in between sips of water.

"We're going to the Small World ride."

"Small World?" Dana asked. "What's that?"

"It's a calming boat ride with a song that I _don't_ want you singing afterwards." Phil said with a smile on his face.

"Boat ride?" Dana's eyes widened as the smile on her face grew larger. "We're going on a boat ride?!"

"Well, it's not_ that_ kind of boat ride, sweetie." Phil grunted, trying to think of the best way to describe the ride. "You'll just see when we're there."

"I wanna see now, Daddy!" Dana began bouncing up and down excitably. It's times like this Phil swore up and down that his daughter had ADHD.

"Well, we're not there yet... So y'can't." Phil shrugged. "Sorry." He said with a small smile. The three left New Fantasyland and entered ordinary Fantasyland, just passing the carousel. Dana carried on bouncing about singing Under the Sea, until a mysterious young man approached them.

"Phil Coulson, right?" The young man asked.

"Yeah." Phil said with a puzzled look on his face. "Do I know you?" He asked. "Are you Hydra?"

"Hydra? No."The young man laughed. "My name's Peter." He smiled.

"Are you Peter Pan?" Max asked.

"No, but it'd be cool if I was." Peter, the young man replied. "You're gonna be seeing a _lot_ of me in the future."

"Has May recruited you into SHIELD?" Phil asked, folding his arms.

"The Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division?" Phil nodded. "No, but what a mouthful. Someone _really _wanted your initials to spell out 'shield'."

"Who are you and how do you know about us?" Phil asked, slightly more agitatedly. "If you're not SHIELD or Hydra, then are you AIM?" Peter shook his head.

"Nope. I'm just your friendly neighborhood Spider Man."

* * *

><p>"So my newest Avenger recruit disturbed you on vacation to talk about work time?" Fury questioned.<p>

"That's right, Sir." Phil said.

"What happened after that?"

"Well, Sir... He just walked away."

"And you just _assumed_ that he was Hydra." Fury said, slightly irritated.

"Fury, I don't like Hydra. And I'm sure you don't either."

"Indeed." Fury agreed. "And neither does Captain America."

Phil sighed. "You're not gonna let me forget my Cap love, are you, Sir?"

"Not while you've still got that ridiculous tattoo, Coulson."

"I do _not_ have a Captain America tattoo!" Phil said emotionally, trying to defend himself.

"Coulson." Fury began calmly. "I've seen it. Everyone Level 7 and above has seen it when we were reviving you and that _includes_ some Hydra."

"Hydra bastards." Phil grumbled. "I do _not_ have a tattoo."

"You totally do. And that's okay, Phil." Fury said reassuringly. "We _all_ make mistakes in college and _especially_ when we're drunk."

"I don't drink either." Phil mumbled. "I'm too high ranking with SHIELD for it to be worth it to take a drink."

"Coulson, you're not fooling me." Fury growled. "I have photographic evidence of the tattoo that I'm willing to send to everyone in the current SHIELD databases and that _includes_ your beloved Captain America."

"You're bluffing." Phil said after a pause.

"Am I, Coulson?" Fury asked. "Am I_ really_?

* * *

><p>"Who was that, Daddy?" Dana asked.<p>

"Yeah, did you know him?" Max chimed in.

"No, I don't. But I have a feeling I'm _about_ to." Phil sighed. "My Spidey Sense is tingling."

"Sure your Spidey Sense don't tingle cuz there's Aunt Natasha, Aunt Maria and Uncle Clint?" Dana asked, pointing to Maria, Clint and Natasha.

"Dad! They're with Captain America and Winter Soldier and Falcon and Iron Man!" Max said excitedly. "And some guy."

"That's Dr Banner." Phil muttered. "How about we go to the bathroom?" Phil suggested.

* * *

><p>"Coulson, I don't want to know <em>everything<em>." Fury said through gritted teeth. "I just wanna hear about the Avengers."

"And I'm not gonna _tell_ you everything!" Coulson laughed. "It's just when we were in there, we bumped into Clint."

* * *

><p>"Well, well, well." Clint smiled at Phil, who was coming out of the disabled stall with his two kids. "Agent Phillip J. Coulson. We meet again."<p>

"Uncle Clint!" Phil's kids squealed.

"Clint, what the hell are you on about?" Phil asked. "You're one of my best friends. We see each other all the time." Clint shrugged.

"Whatever. It sounded cool."

"Where did you come from?" Phil asked.

"Iowa." Phil rolled his eyes. "Alright, Tomorrowland. And we're going to Small World. Just finished eating-man Thor can really eat. He ate almost $100 worth of breadsticks." Clint shook his head.

"Why are you here, Uncle Clint?" Max asked, cocking his head.

"I'm here because my boss doesn't trust me not to be an idiot with the other Avengers"

"You're an Avenger?" Dana asked.

"Yeah... I'm Hawkeye." Clint frowned. "Didn't-didn't your dad tell you?"

Max looked at Clint with his eyes wide open. "No." He shook his head.

"Phil!" Clint said in mock offense. "Is it because they're not Level 7?" Clint raised an eyebrow. "Welcome to Level 7."

"Clint, that's my line." Phil said tonelessly. "And don't tell my kids about Level 7."

"You know, I went to your funeral and grieved." Clint said. "Then a few months later, I saw you in the corridor of the Triskelion..."

"Yeah well the Triskelion doesn't exist any more." Phil led his kids to the sinks. "Wash your hands, guys." He turned to Clint. "Please, no more stories of me being dead or working for SHIELD."

"Daddy, are you dead?" Dana asked.

"Dana, how can I be dead, if I'm standing right here?" Phil asked, taking his daughter's small hand in his.

"Why did Uncle Clint say you are?"

"He never said that." "I never said that." Both Clint and Phil said in unison.

"We Avengers had to work together to beat the _super villain_ and Phil just helped us work to win the battle!" Clint told the story exaggeratedly until his phone started to ring. "It's Tasha. I'd better go."

"Oh tell Romanoff I said hi!" Phil said.

"Will do." Clint said, leaving the restroom.

"Evil bastard." Phil smiled and muttered under his breath.

* * *

><p>"So Barton told your kids you died <em>and<em> that you work for SHIELD?" Fury asked.

"Yeah." Phil sighed. "That doesn't mean I'm gonna move them right into the Playground."

"I never suggested you would." Fury said. "Did he tell them about your flying car?"

"Oh they know about Lola." Phil said casually. "They don't know that she can fly."

* * *

><p>"Are we going on Small World now, Daddy?" Dana smiled hopefully.<p>

"Sorry sweetie." Phil said. "We're going to go to our FastPass for the Haunted Mansion. Uncle Clint really kept us talking."

"Is it scary?" Dana asked.

"No. It's actually fun!" Phil said enthusiastically.

"But it's haunted."

"Not haunted-Disney Magic just makes it _seem_ haunted."

"Why are we going there?" Max asked.

"Uncle Clint and the Avengers are going on Small World, I thought it would be best to go to our FastPass."

"Don't you like Uncle Clint?"

"I do. I just want to get to our FastPass. If we don't, we might miss it, since Uncle Clint could keep us talking again." The kids both nodded in understanding. "Let's go then!"

* * *

><p>"I don't need to know this." Fury growled. "Just get to the bit with the Avengers."<p>

"Fine." Phil huffed.

* * *

><p>"Daddy, I like Captain Jack Sparrow." Dana said, flashing her partially toothless grin. Phil and his kids had just come off the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and were looking around the gift shop.<p>

"I like him too. He's good." Max smiled. "Like funny good."

"But is he a good person?" Phil asked.

"Yes!" Max blurted out. He then frowned in thought. "No." He looked at Phil. "I don't know, Dad."

"He's the main character in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, but to main characters have to be good, or can they be bad? Or neither?"

"Good?" Dana said thoughtfully.

"So they can't be bad?" Phil asked.

"I think Jack Sparrow is neither." Max said after some thought and fondling of some Jake and the Neverland Pirates dolls that Phil said they couldn't have. "He isn't good _or_ bad."

"I think you're right there, buddy." Phil picked up a Mickey Mouse ear hat. "You know what else I think..." Phil paused when he heard a familiar voice singing.

"_Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me_

_We extort and pilfer, we filch and we sack_

_Drink up me hearties, yo ho!_

_Maraud and embezzle and even hijack_

_Drink up me hearties, yo ho_!"

It was Thor. Phil let out a small gasp and turned around, putting the ear hat on in case he was recognized.

"Daddy!" Dana squealed. "It's the Avengers!"

"So I see, sweetie." Phil muttered anxiously.

"Come on, man." Tony said. Phil looked at them from the corner of his eye, pretending to examine a Pirates of the Caribbean action figure.

"Leave him alone, I say." Steve said.

"He's annoying me and attracting everyone's attention." Tony growled.

"Why are the Avengers fighting, Dad?"

"Because Tony Stark is a very hard person to get to like." Phil inhaled deeply. "His girlfriend's alright, but Tony himself-now I don't want either of you repeating this, but Tony's an asshole."

"Daddy swore!" Dana and Max both giggled.

"But he isn't hurting anyone." Steve said.

"He's hurting people's eardrums."

"No he's not." Steve hissed.

"Dad, is something bad happening?" Max asked.

"No, nothing bad is happening." Phil smiled nervously. "They do this all the time. Cap and Tony, I mean."

"Get me an _Advil_!" Tony shouted. "Thor's loud voice is giving me a headache!"

"Daddy! Look!" Dana shouted. "Tony Stark just punched Captain America!"

"Oh my God!" Phil said, looking genuinely frightened. He threw the action figure back on the shelf and took off the ear hat, ready to intervene if needed.

"Dad, can you make them stop?"

"I'll try if Aunt Maria needs me." Phil was visibly on edge as Bruce stepped back, nervously out of the action.

"Daddy! Uncle Clint! Dana pointed at Clint, who was trying to restrain Tony by holding his arm, but was struggling. Natasha jumped on Tony's other arm. "Why is he and Aunt Natasha holding Tony Stark?"

"Because he might hit Captain America again." Phil said to his daughter. He began to sign ASL over to Natasha, who caught sight of him.

_Do you need me to help_? Natasha shook her head.

_Are you sure? I have my SHIELD badge on hand_. Natasha paused for a moment before shaking her head again.

While Phil was signing, Steve lunged to attack Tony, only Bucky stopped him by grabbing Steve around his waist. Steve then broke free from Bucky's grip and to stop him from hurting Tony, Bucky grabbed Steve's arm, desperately trying to hold him back.

"Daddy..." Dana buried her head in Phil's thigh and Phil protectively put his arm around her.

An audible snapping noise made Phil wince, but the scream, caused all onlookers to look away fast.

"No fighting!" Max shouted. "You're the Avengers! You fight super bad and evil guys!" Sam, who noticed Max, walked over to him, while Phil hid behind some Pirates of the Caribbean products.

"Hey, buddy." Sam said as he crouched down. "What's your name?" He asked. "My name's Sam, but some people call me Falcon." Max hid his face with his hands and Sam noticed Phil standing, entertaining his daughter a Jake and the Neverland Pirates doll. "You the father?" Sam asked Phil.

"Yes, I am."

"What's his name?"

"Max."

Sam turned back to Max. "So your name's Max, huh?" Max nodded. "I had a friend when I was younger called Max. He was a great guy. We're actually still in touch."

"I like you." Max said quietly.

"Well, I like you too." Sam tousled Max's hair.

"Is your friend _really_ hurt?" Dana asked out of concern.

"No." Sam shook his head unconvincingly. "Don't worry about him, he'll be fine." Sam sighed. "So what's _your_ name then?"

"I'm Dana!" She shouted.

"Dana. That's a pretty name, for a pretty little girl like you." Sam smiled. He turned to Phil.

"I hope you don't mind me talking to your kids. I'm an Avenger, you can trust me."

"Any friend of Clint's and Natasha's can usually be trusted." Phil shrugged.

"You _know_ Clint and Natasha?!" Sam said in shock.

Phil paused. "Yes." He said.

"Sam, we're going now!" Maria called out.

"I'll be seeing you." Sam said as he began to walk away. "Oh and I wouldn't worry about Bucky the Winter Soldier either. He only screamed because he has real bad post traumatic stress." Sam followed the rest of the Avengers out of the gift shop and Phil looked on cautiously.

"He really _will_ be okay then?" Max asked.

"If Falcon says he will, then he will." Phil smiled and both Max and Dana nodded. "Now how about we go see the Country Bear Jamboree then?"

* * *

><p>"I didn't see them the rest of the day." Phil said. "Quite relaxing, honestly."<p>

"Well that's because Maria took them on a field trip to the hospital so uh... You know." Fury sighed.

"Yeah, I know." Phil groaned. "I just would rather my kids not see any of the Avengers hurt. They both worship the guys and think they're invincible."

"You want to preserve their childhood innocence?" Fury asked.

"Yeah. I do. Kids need to be kids." Phil replied.

"I'll let you go now, Coulson."

"I'll be ready to do a full debrief of this situation when..." Fury quickly hung up the phone and sighed. He was in for an Avengers PR nightmare.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Thank you all-particularly the regular readers-for your patience and understanding during this difficult time. A new chapter will be up in a few days.**

**I hope you enjoyed the Spider Man cameo.**

**So The Avengers won't be going to Animal Kingdom next chapter as previously planned by Clint, Natasha and Maria, due to unforeseen circumstance and injuries. Who is it that's injured-Cap or Tony? Get those predictions in!**

**I don't own the Avengers or Spider Man.**


	10. We're Going to Epcot

Maria took the Avengers out of the hospital and ordered them into the mini bus, grabbing Steve's arm as an indication he should wait.

"How are you feeling, Steve?"

"Fine. It's a dislocated shoulder, Maria. I'll live." He gave a small smile. "I've been shot, stabbed, blown up, drowned and beaten into a coma by my best friend. This," he gestured to his right arm, which was now resting in a sling, "is nothing compared to any of that.

"You cried out in pain in the ER." Maria raised an eyebrow.

"That was Bucky actually, and it was because he saw them forcing my shoulder into its socket.

"Have you ever dislocated your shoulder before?" She sighed.

"Ah... I haven't." He admitted.

"I have." Maria said. "And so has most other SHIELD agent. I mean, Clint hasn't, but he's been put in a body cast a few times. And he's been deafened. Broken arms, collar bones, femurs, ribs, fractured skulls, shattered pelvises, vertebrae and compound fractures, child abuse-MIND CONTROL..."

"What are you getting at, Maria?" Steve asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"So… He's had it worse. Worse than anyone." She shrugged. Steve looked over at the archer, who was laughing exaggeratedly at the back of the mini bus with Natasha, who was blushing.

"You wouldn't think it, looking at him." Steve muttered. "Get in." Maria said. "We're going back to the hotel now." Steve struggled into the mini bus before Sam helped him in. Maria got in afterwards.

* * *

><p>Back in their hotel room, Bucky was helping Steve get dressed into his pajamas and apologizing profusely for hurting him, while Sam was rearranging Steve's bed to make it easier for him to sleep with the sling on. There was a knock at the front door and Sam went to answer it. It was Clint.<p>

"Hey, it's just me." Clint smiled. "I come bearing food." He said, waving a boxed pizza in front of the three army veterans.

"Let him in." Steve shouted across the room. "Clint, hey."

"Today went well." Clint said, throwing the pizza onto the table. "Apart from where Bucky pulled your arm out of its socket. How long will it take to heal, by the way?"

"Maria thinks that because of the super soldier serum that it should only take around 5 or 6 days for me."

"Better than 3 months." Clint rolled his eyes and threw himself onto Steve's bed.

"Hey, watch it!" Sam said. "I spent 20 minutes arranging those pillows for Cap."

"Sorry, Sam." Clint sat up at the foot of the bed. "I didn't notice."

"That's fine, Clint. Don't worry." Sam sighed, not quite forgiving Clint.

Steve broke away from Bucky with his pajama top not quite on properly. "What kind of pizza is this?" He asked.

"Uh... Just plain cheese." Clint shrugged, opening the box. Steve's eyes widened as he grabbed two slices with his good hand, sandwiched them together and took a bite.

"Wow." Clint looked horrified as he watched the other super-soldier do the same and also grab a slice with his prosthetic hand to eat later.

"I know, right." Sam laughed. "There's only three slices left for us." Steve quickly nabbed another slice of pizza and shoved it in his mouth.

"Make that one slice each." Clint said, quickly claiming his slice. Sam narrowed his eyes at the others and pounced on the final slice.

* * *

><p>Over in Maria's hotel room, the atmosphere wasn't quite as welcoming, as she and Natasha were punishing Tony.<p>

"Why do I have to room with Thor?" Tony asked. "Why can't Bucky? You know, since he's the one that actually pulled Spangles' joint from its socket."

"Because you were the one that provoked Steve by mocking Thor." Maria said.

"Steve was standing up for his teammate and Bucky was just making sure that he didn't murder you." Natasha folded her arms.

"And don't call him 'Spangles', he doesn't like it." Maria growled.

"Does the same...?" Tony began.

"Yes, the same also goes for 'Capsicle', now am I clear?"

"Who's gonna make sure Banner doesn't Hulk-out?" Tony asked. "I mean, that's an important job..."

"That would be me." Natasha said, sternly. "And Sam is looking after Steve for the time being."

"I thought he only looked after veterans' mental health?"

"DON'T push it, Stark." Maria growled.

"I really _wouldn't_ push it, Tony." Natasha said. "Maria can be worse than Bruce when she's angry."

"What, so she's She-Hulk?"

"Tony. Seriously." Natasha spat. "Shut the fuck up before you say or do something you sincerely regret, something that isn't just a black eye."

"Get to Thor's, NOW!" Maria barked and frightened Tony out of the room. Next chance he got, he was testing out his Hulkbuster armor on Maria.

* * *

><p>Thor was in his hotel room alone, eating popcorn and watching Pirates of the Caribbean on the Disney Channel. He was on his phone to his girlfriend Jane.<p>

"This type of entertainment should be introduced to Asgard." He said as he shoveled popcorn into his mouth. "My friends shall be most delighted to watch these little people doing such extraordinary feats inside such a tiny box."

"Thor, nobody's doing anything _inside_ the TV." Jane laughed.

"But this Captain Jack Sparrow man is on a pirate ship in this little box." Thor insisted. "Just a few short minutes ago he was on land."

"Remind me to tell you how movies work when you get back."

"I shall, Jane, for I would very much enjoy to learn about these 'movies' and what they are."

"What they are?" Jane asked. "Thor, you're watching one. And you're in four." She added.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing." Jane said quickly. "How do you understand cell phones but not movies?" She asked. Before Thor could answer, he was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Jane, we shall have to continue this conversation on another day as one of my fellow Avengers is at the door of my hotel room."

"Which one?" Jane asked. Thor pulled the curtain back slightly.

"It appears to be the Man of Iron." Thor said with a puzzled look on his face.

"Alright, I'll see you in two weeks."

"You too, Jane." Thor said, hanging up the phone. He opened the door and held his arms out. "Man of Iron!" His voice boomed as his arms wrapped around Tony's body. "How joyous it is to see you once more!"

"Thor, you saw me earlier." Tony said, trying to push himself away from Thor's intense grip.

"It is most wonderful that you chose to join me at this time." Thor pulled away from the hug and Tony closed the door with his foot.

"Why?" He asked skeptically.

"I was watching these tiny people in this box do impossible things." Thor pointed at the TV. "But they clearly aren't impossible to Midgardians. Maybe only us Asgardians." Thor mused.

"Thor, most of what you're seeing is CGI." Tony rolled his eyes.

"CGI?" Thor asked, confused.

"Computer generated imagery."

"This is a computer?" Thor asked, tapping the TV screen.

"No, it's a TV." Tony replied. "But most of the movie was made by computers."

"Fascinating." Thor said. "I had no idea computers were so intelligent."

"They aren't." Tony laughed. "Well, you've met JARVIS."

"Indeed I have." Thor smiled. "He is the ghost man that operates Avengers Tower."

"Uh, 'ghost man' isn't the word you'd use to describe him." Tony said, taking his Stark Phone from his pocket and tapped the screen. "Hello JARVIS. Where am I?"

"Hello, Sir. You are in the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando Florida." The phone said.

"Your phone speaks like the ghost man."

"That's because he's an AI-that's artificial intelligence."

"So computers _do_ have intelligence?" Thor asked.

"Kind of." Tony said and proceeded to explain (in basic terms) to Thor how computers work. Thor didn't seem to quite grasp it.

* * *

><p>Back in Steve's room, Sam had just helped Steve out in the bathroom.<p>

"It's not that I don't appreciate the help, Sam, it's just... Well I feel that I'm capable of brushing my teeth on my own.

"I know, Cap." Sam said. "You're a quick healer."

Steve rubbed his shoulder. "But my shoulder's still sore, damn it."

Sam laughed. "So the great Captain America _does_ swear then!"

"Course I do!" Steve said. "I'm not nearly as clean and perfect as everyone makes me out to be." Steve sat down on his bed. "_And_..." He began. "I'm not a virgin either, no matter _what_ Clint or Tony try to convince you to believe."

"WHAT?!" Sam laughs in disbelief.

"Yeah, I had sex in 1940...4. 1944."

"Wow." Sam sat down on Bucky's-and temporarily his-bed. "To who?"

"Peggy Carter." Steve smiled blissfully.

"Whoa-Peggy Carter as in founding member of SHIELD Peggy Carter?"

"Yup. That's the one." Steve said. "She was my first girlfriend." Steve began telling Sam stories of the 40s until they both fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Phil Coulson entered his hotel room with his two tired children. He managed to put them down to bed immediately before he checked (and struggled with) his email. When he eventually got into his email account, he found one sitting in there from FitzSimmons. He opened it up to read it and was initially shocked by what he read and then amused. Melinda May had told them both that Phil was going. What she had neglected to tell them, however, was that he was only going for a fortnight. Being Melinda May, Phil figured out that it was on purpose. The email was basically Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons begging him to come back to SHIELD. Some of Phil's favorite parts included the lines "We're like leaves and you're the sunlight for us to photosynthesize-we cannot function without you." "If it's the GH drug, we can work out some sort of antidote." And "PS, it's Fitz-Hunter keeps farting in my cereal.<p>

Phil thought it would be funny to drag this out until either he returned off his-much needed-vacation or until May was kind enough to tell the two scientists the truth-the former being most likely-so he didn't reply to the email, instead smirking as he closed the tab on his SHIELD issue tablet.

* * *

><p>The next morning, the Avengers gathered for breakfast at the Pepper Market. Feeling adventurous, Steve decided to brave it and try the <em>Froot Loops<em>, while Bucky and Sam stuck to bagels. Maria and Natasha had fruit cups, Tony had toast, Bruce had _Corn Flakes_ with no sugar, Clint had grits (again) and Thor had the everything.

They each brought out the souvenir cups and had coffee in them-Bruce's was decaf, while everyone else's were not. Once again, everyone marveled at how Thor could eat so much, so quickly.

"So have either you or Clint made plans for today?" Maria asked to Natasha. "I mean, we were going to Animal Kingdom, but that's out of the question due to Cap's injury."  
>"Yeah." Clint said. "We're going to Epcot."<p>

"Epcot, huh?" Tony smirked. "Yeah, Stark Industries sponsors an exhibit there."

"Really?" Sam asked. "Which one?"

"You'll find out when we get there." Tony said.

"Lady Maria." Thor began with food in his mouth. "These things are delectable." He waved a hash brown in front of Maria's face. "I must know what you call them."

"Hash browns." Maria said coolly. "They're made from shredded potato."

"I like them." Thor smiled. "I want more!"

"No, Thor." Maria said firmly. "Steve and Bucky's metabolisms are 4 times that of an average human and yet _together_ they eat less than you do."

"What is a metabolism?" Thor asked, now chewing on a bagel.

"Metabolism is when you eat food and digest... Uh... Bruce, why don't you explain this one." Maria asked. She took a swig from her coffee, carefully looking at a nervous looking Bruce.

"Well... When you eat food there's calories." Bruce said carefully. "And basically, calories are where you get your energy from in food." He said quickly, before Thor could ask any questions. "Metabolism is how quickly your body converts these calories into energy." Bruce picked up his coffee.

"So why do Friend Captain and Friend Bucky have high metabolism?" Thor frowned.

"Because they're super-soldiers."

"Lady Natasha is also a super-soldier."

"I'm a different kind of super-soldier, Thor." Natasha explained. "I didn't take the serum developed by Dr Erksine. It probably has a different effect than those developed by the Red Room for the Black Widow project."

"You know, I didn't take Erksine's serum either." Bucky scratched his head. "I took one developed by Hydra..."

"I'm ending this conversation." Maria said loudly, before turning to Thor. "No more breakfast." She stood up and started walking away. "Come on, we're going." The Avengers all stood up and walked after Maria.

"Hey, there's Phil Coulson's twin again." Steve said to Bruce.

"I saw him yesterday, right after the accident." Sam mused. "His little boy was the one who shouted out at you guys to behave."

"That looks uncannily like Coulson." Bruce shook his head.

"He might have had a twin brother." Tony suggested.

"Maybe." Steve agreed. "Kept him secret because of the spy thing." Natasha and Clint shared a look and giggled.

"What's so funny?" Steve asked.

"Coulson was an only child." Clint said. "As in, just like you three, Cap, Tony and Bruce-no siblings."

"So who is that then?" Tony asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Natasha smirked.

"Coulson's a Walker?" Bruce asked nervously. "Do we have to get Rick Grimes and Daryl Dixon over here?"

"No. That guy was not a zombie." Natasha rolled her eyes. "He was just a guy who looked like our old dear departed buddy-Agent Phillip Coulson."

"Dude, you watch way too much Walking Dead, pal." Tony laughed.

"Do you have any siblings, Bucky?" Clint asked.

"Uh yeah." Bucky rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I did. I had a younger sister-Becky."

"Becky?" Clint raised an eyebrow. "Becky and Bucky?" The corners of his mouth curled up into a smirk. "You don't know how happy that's just made me."

* * *

><p>"Donny, do we have to go through this again?" Maria growled. The Avengers were all standing at the gates of Epcot. Thor borrowed shorts from Steve and was wearing a Buzz Lightyear t-shirt* purchased from Panchito's Gifts and Sundries, the gift shop of the Coronado Springs Resort. He was looking a lot less Asgardian today.<p>

"It is fascinating." Thor examined the Mickey Head orb.

"Donny, please." Maria hissed. If you're gonna get enchanted by that damn ball every time we go to a theme park, then I might as well have left you in New York."

"Donny, just put your MagicBand against the damn glowing orb." Tony said. "And hold it there until the orb goes green." Thor followed Tony's instructions.

"It is green!" Thor shouted. "I have gained entrance to this realm!" The Cast Member manning the entrance looked at Maria quizzically.

"He's foreign." Maria shrugged. "Come on, Donald." She grabbed Thor's arm and pulled him into the park. Tony grabbed some park maps from another Cast Member and Thor wandered over to the old Leave a Legacy walls to look at the people etched onto the tiles.

"Tho-Donny, come on, buddy." Steve said, pulling at Thor's t-shirt.

"But I must look at these Midgardians carved into this metal." Thor whined. "Have they fallen in any Midgardian battles?"

"What?" Tony asked. "No, Thor, this is Leave a Legacy." He explained. "At the start of the new millennium-or rather, just before it-people put their likenesses on these metal sheets basically to commemorate that they'd been to Disney World."

"Is that it?" Thor's face screwed up in thought. "They did not fall for the cause of Midgard?"

"I'm pretty sure that some small percentage did, but not all of them."

"I managed to get FastPasses for Soarin' last night and they're at 12:15." Clint interrupted.

"We have a good two hours before then." Maria confirmed, looking at her phone.

"Wanna do Spaceship Earth to pass the time until then?" Natasha asked.

"What is it like?" Bruce asked.

"Slow moving, buddy." Tony said, clapping Bruce's shoulder.

"Good." Bruce smiled. "Let's do it."

Everyone then walked over to the line-though Sam and Bucky had to drag Thor away from the Leave a Legacy walls-and began to queue up for the attraction.

"That's Spaceship Earth?" Bucky said in awe. "Wow." He looked up at the massive 180 foot ball and its triangular panels above him and smiled goofily.

"Indeed it is, Bucky Boy." Tony said.

"Tony..." Steve growled.

"Steve! Tony!" Maria hissed. "Stop it!"

"They're not going to, Maria." Bruce shook his head.

"I damn well hope they do." Maria folded her arms. "Cap's shoulder's already been dislocated-he's in a sling. What has to happen next? Stark's nose gets broken?" Bruce shrugged.

"Probably."

"Well, I don't wanna take that chance." Maria pulled out her phone.

"Who are you texting?" Tony asked Maria, leaning into her.

**in Epcot today. what abot you?**

"I see it's Phil." Tony smirked.

"Go the fuck away, Stark." Maria hissed. "This is my private business. I don't interfere when you're off texting Pepper."

"I haven't texted her in three days!" Tony laughed.

"No wonder she's pissed at you, bro."** Clint rolled his eyes.

"How do _you_ know she's pissed at me, Legolas?" Tony's eyes narrowed.

"Stop this fucking Civil War that you're trying to create NOW, Tony, or I'll have you kicked the fuck OUT of the Avengers. No More Iron Man." Maria glared at Tony.

"Civil War... What Civil War? Jesus whatever." Tony muttered to himself.

"Stark, no sulking either." Natasha added. "This is the Happiest Place on Earth and I'd like for you to keep it that way."

"Hell yeah." Clint said. "No sulking."

"I do _not_ sulk." Tony grunted.

"Yes. You do." Clint chuckled.

"Tony, you do." Sam agreed. "You sulk so hard that sometimes I swear you're more diva than Paris Hilton."

"Oh gee, you're one to talk." Tony scoffed. "You've been on the team _how long_?"

"Exactly!" Sam said loudly. "And I know your habits!"

While everyone squabbled and Natasha and Clint tried to reign them in, Maria checked her phone.

**Hollywood studios. thank god. stressing me out that i might see the avnegers.**

Maria felt relief wash over her. She could just concentrate on the Avengers for today, without having to worry about bumping into Phil or his kids-even though Sam had unknowingly done just that yesterday. They entered the Spaceship Earth building.

"No more arguing. Just shut the hell up." Maria hissed.

"And how many are in your party?" A Cast Member asked, looking on concerned.

"Nine."

"Uh... Two in each row. One in the last." The Cast Member replied as she took out her phone. "Mr. Stark!" She called out.

"Yeah?" Tony asked, turning around to see her. She held her phone out and snapped a picture of him and some of the Avengers in the background.

"I am putting this on _Tumblr_ as soon as possible." She smiled to herself.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So it was Steve that got hurt-bet you didn't see that one coming! Just because he's a super soldier, doesn't mean he doesn't get hurt! He just heals quicker.**

**The next few chapters will **_**NOT**_** have much Coulson (sorry, Coulson fans-including me). The next time we see our beloved Avengers, they will be wandering around Epcot. And some of them will have no choice but to stay off some of the rides *ahem* Tony, Cap and Bruce *ahem* so how will they react to that? Will Epcot prove to be a turning point in the relationship of Tony and Cap? Will Bucky stop being in awe of everything Disney World has to offer? Will Thor ever understand Midgardian technology? Find out in the rest of the story. And also, do you have anything special that you do in Epcot and would like to see the Avengers do? Or anything you just wanna see the Avengers do anyway?**

***Check out my profile for the t-shirt Thor's wearing. If anyone needs any clarification on any attractions, places or things the Avengers do, then let me know. I'm more than happy to show you.**

**** Yes, this is a reference to Matt Fraction's Hawkeye. Bro.**

**I don't own the Avengers, Disney characters or Disney World. They're all owned by The Walt Disney Company.**


	11. Spaceship Earth-The Icon of Epcot

"Tony, no harassing the Captain!" Maria shouted. "It's bad enough you dislocated his shoulder..."

"Me?" Tony raised an eyebrow. "Uh... That was Robot Arm over here."

"Sit away from the two please." Maria hissed.

"Alright, alright. Come on Bruce." Tony pulled Bruce to another seat and Thor sat down in front of Sam and Steve alongside Maria. Tony and Bruce sat behind them. Natasha and Bucky sat in a separate car behind them and Clint sat alone.

"Steve, you okay?" Sam asked.

"Absolutely fine." Steve answered chirpily. "I know that Bucky's fine with Natasha."

As the vehicles moved forward, they saw screens with graphics of their ride vehicles and subtitles underneath.

"What's that?" Steve asked.

"Just in case idiots decide to jump out of the ride vehicle." Sam rolled his eyes.

"Has it happened before?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Sam nodded.

"During your slow moving journey, your time machine will slowly rotate backwards." A voice said. "For your safety, remain seated at all times."

"Is that what that's for too?" Steve asked.

"Yeah." Sam breathed. "Annoying, isn't it, that there are people like that out there." Steve nodded.

"This is Spaceship Earth Control." Another voice said. "On behalf of _Siemens_, welcome aboard."

"_Siemens_?" Bucky cocked his head.

"They make cell phones, Bucky." Natasha explained.

"On the map in front of you, please show us where you're from, while we input your time travel co-ordinates."

"Map?" Bucky asked, searching frantically. "I don't see a map." Natasha pointed at the small screen in front of them, between their seats. "Right."

"We're gonna have a problem here." Natasha said. "You're American and I'm Russian."

"No." Bucky shook his head. "James 'Bucky' Barnes is American. Winter Soldier is Russian." He pulled his t-shirt sleeve up and pointed at the star of communism on his robotic arm's shoulder.

"Right. Mother Russia it is."

Natasha tapped on Russia on the touch screen map.

"Everyone else has chosen America." Bucky bit his lip.

"Except Thor. He's from off-world."

"But they don't have a map for Asgard." Bucky said, disheartened. "Just Earth."

"Well then..." Natasha said. "It just means we're special."

"I like that." Bucky smiled. "Thanks for not complaining about sitting by me."

"Bucky, I _know_ you weren't you when you shot me." She said gently. "Don't worry about it. Now smile." She pointed at the overhead cameras.

"Now locate the monitor overhead to your right." The voice said. "Make sure your face is _clearly_ visible and wait for the flash." In front of Bucky and Natasha and Tony and Bruce, Thor threw his hands up and whooped. Bucky threw his head back and laughed. Natasha did a thumbs up to the camera. "Good. Sending photo to the future. All systems are go-linking you now to your guide."

Natasha poked Bucky's neck. "You know that's your photo, right?"

"What is?"

"Oh you'll see in about 10 minutes." She said casually.

"_Like a grand and miraculous spaceship, our planet has sailed through the universe of time; and for a brief moment we have been among it's passengers._" Judi Dench began narrating. "_But where are we going? And what kind of future will we discover there?_"

"Is that Judi Dench?" Bruce asked.

"Think so." Tony said, removing his sunglasses. "I mean, it sure sounds like her."

"_Surprisingly, the answers lie in our past._"

"Well, no it isn't 'surprisingly', not for me." Tony tapped his arc reactor.

"_Since the dawn of recorded history, we've been inventing the future one step at a time. So let's travel back in time together. I'll show you how our ancestors created the world we know today, and then it will be your turn to create the world of tomorrow._"

"Hah." Tony scoffed. "Stark Industries is already doing that. Ahead of the game, Brucie."

"I know, Tony." Bruce whispered. "I live at Avengers Tower too, don't I?"

"Yup. A few years now." Bruce stared at Tony. "Oh." He groans in realization. "Yeah, I get it."

"_Here in this hostile world is where our story begins. We are alone, struggling to survive until we learn to communicate with one another. Now we can hunt as a team and survive together._"

"I hear wind, but what's going on?" Steve leaned in to ask Sam.

"Some cavemen or something trying to stab a woolly mammoth." He replied. "It's on the screen in front of you, can you not see it?" Steve shook his head. "Then can you see the next scene?"

"Yes." Steve said. "Cavemen painting."

"Good." Sam nodded.

"_It takes 15,000 years to come up with the next bright idea: recording our knowledge on cave walls. There is only one small problem, when we move, the recorded knowledge stayed behind._"

"That language sounds like the language of Alfheimr." Thor says loudly to Maria sitting next to him.

"Inside voice please, Thor." Maria whispers.

"Oh, sincere apologies, Lady Maria. Is this better?" Thor asks a few decibels quieter.

"Not really, no." Maria shook her head.

"_Now let's move ahead to ancient Egypt, because something is about to happen here that will change the future forever._"

"What is it? What is it?" Bucky asked quickly, half standing up.

"Sit _down_! Natasha hissed. "You're gonna get that voice that says 'sir, please stay seated in your ride vehicle or we'll have to escort you out of the park and you'll never see Disney parks again'." Natasha said, imitating a security spiel. "And then Director Fury will go so mad at you, the next thing you know your _other_ arm will be robotic too. And we don't want that, do we?" Bucky slunk down in his seat, shaking his head.

"No." He said meekly.

"Good." Natasha snapped.

"_This unknown Egyptian pounding reeds flat is inventing papyrus, a sort of paper. Papyrus in turn creates better record keeping of plans, designs and unfortunately taxes_."

"I don't pay taxes." Steve said, examining the Egyptian pharaoh giving a decree on the newly invented papyrus. "I also don't get paid." He looked at Sam. "Why don't I get paid for my service to SHIELD?"

"I don't know, you'll have to ask Maria."

"_But it also brings with it the dawn of great civilizations._"

"Like the Asgardians!" Thor bellowed proudly. Maria growled.

"_At this point each civilization has its own form of writing which none of the other's can understand. But the Phoenicians, who trade with all of them have a solution. They create a simple common alphabet adaptable to most languages. Remember how easy it was to learn your ABC's? Thank the Phoenicians, they invented them._"

"ABC's?" Thor asked as they passed a boat carrying people-the Phoenicians-and crates. "What are ABC's?"

"You know, Thor..." Thor shook his head and Maria sighed as she began singing the Alphabet Song.

"No, I don't know." Thor shook his head. "Over in Asgard we have a different alphabet."

"And I don't wanna hear it." Maria said, putting her hand up, level to Thor's face.

"_The ancient Greeks were great inventors of the future. First they established public schools, and then begin teaching an intriguing new subject called mathematics._"

A Greek philosopher spoke in Greek and read from a book to a class full of younger Greeks. "_And with math comes mechanical technology and the birth of the high tech life we enjoy today."_

"I thought it was all thanks to Stark Industries." Tony joked, jabbing Bruce in the arm with his elbow.

"Shut up, Tony." Bruce hissed.

"I absolutely _love_ history, Natasha." Bucky said, looking around. "Maybe it's because I'm a _part_ of history."

"We're _all_ part of history, Bucky." Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Yeah. But I fought in World War II. And as much as I hate the hell out of it, I was a secret weapon to Hydra in assassinating people in the Cold War-I mean, I killed some powerful people, what if it was really _me_ who killed Kennedy?!"

"Bucky, calm down." Natasha sighed. "Look. It's a roman chariot in a backdrop of... Rome."

"_With lessons learned from the Greeks, the Romans create a powerful empire. To move their armies around, they build a system of roads all over the known world. Rome built the first World Wide Web, and it's leading us into the future._"

"World Wide Web?" Steve cocked his head. "Is that anything to do with Spider Man?"

"No, Cap." Sam replied "The World Wide Web is just a longer way of saying Internet. You know, the W-W-W-dot thing you type into the search bar?"

"Ah! Yeah!" Steve nodded in understanding.

_"But then we hit a road block: Rome falls, and the great Library of Alexandria in Egypt is burned._"

"I smell smoke-is the ride on fire?" Steve asks panicked. "Get me out! Get me out!" He screams. "I'm Captain America! Captain America can't die yet! I'm supposed to die-but not really-after the Civil War event in my third movie...!"

"Cap, calm down!" Sam points to some smoldering remains. "It's all part of the effects of the ride."

"Oh..." Steve's cheeks flushed bright pink. Sam could see it, even in the low light.

"_Much of our learning is destroyed... lost forever... or so we think."_

"Now you get it, we're fine. Disney won't kill us, not while we still have money to spend in their theme parks." Sam scoffed.

"_It turns out there were copies of some of these books in the libraries of the Middle East, being watched over by Arab and Jewish scholars. Call it, the first back-up system. The books are saved, and with them: our dreams of the future._"

"So without that disaster, no Stark Industries." Bruce said smugly.

"No, there would have been." Tony remarked flippantly. "Simply because I'm a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

"Uh huh..." Bruce rolled his eyes.

"_In the meantime, here in Europe, monks toil endlessly recording these books by hand, but that is about to change."_

"Magic?" Thor asked. "Sorcery! Loki must be about!"

"No." Maria sighed. "It's just... Technology."

"_In 1450, Gutenberg invents the movable type printing press. Now knowledge can travel as fast as these new books, and travel they do._"

In the scenes around the Avengers, there are people reading books, papers and playing lutes.

"Wicked." Bucky said, looking around. "I wonder what they're reading."

"As long as it's not _50 Shades of Grey_, I couldn't care." Natasha said.

"_Books make it easier to invent the future in every field, and the result is an incredible explosion of innovation that we call the Renaissance._"

Renaissance type music plays as the Avengers pass through more scenes, this time of painters and artists.

"Isn't that statue Michelangelo's David?" Tony asked.

"No it's not actually..."

"It's Michelangelo's David" Tony shrugged

"That is _not_ David!" Bruce argued. "Where's the penis?!"

"Uh... This is Disney World. Kids might see it."

"And half of them have their own penises." Bruce countered. "But that's not the point. That's not David-_that's_ the point."

"Oh yeah? Where's your proof?"

"Where's my..." Bruce huffed. "Ugh, just _look_ at it!" He pointed to the statue. "Clearly _not_ David!"

"It's generic art made to look like the art of the Renaissance period, now will you two stop your petty squabbling?" Natasha growled as she leaned towards the two.

"Yes." They said in unison.

"Good." She said, pointing up at the ceiling. "And by the way, that _is_ the Sistine Chapel." She huffed and leaned back in her seat.

"_Books it seems were just the beginning. Now communication technology races head long into the future, and soon people all over the world are sharing life's most important moments faster than ever before._"

An animatronic man is reading a newspaper with the headline "Civil War Over" and in a corner an animatronic boy is selling newspapers.

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" Another voice says from the animatronic boy. "Civil War is over! The Civil War is over!"

"Actually, it's not, since that's the title of my next film." Steve shrugged nonchalantly with his good arm. "It's just beginning."

"What the...?" Sam began.

"Hey yeah. And you're in it." Steve smiled excitedly. "And Bucky's in it, Clint's in it, Natasha's in it, Tony's _definitely_ in it, since it's a me versus him story-oh and Spider Man's gonna be in it and it's introducing Black Panther as well, even though we already know him, the audience doesn't."

"When?"

"2016." Steve replied. "Not looking forward to dying though."

"Maybe you _won't_ die. After all, isn't Chris Evans is signed on for another movie after this?"

"Yeah, probably Infinity War 2, so I die, but not _die_. You know. Like Coulson." Steve smiled. "Oh wait. I'm not supposed to know that he's alive yet. Forget that last bit."

The Avengers pass through various scenes of the telegraph, the phone, the radio and Jesse Owens competing in the Olympics in a Cinema mock up.

"Oh I remember that." Bucky smiled fondly. "I remember taking Steve down to the local cinema and we would watch everything from the news, sports and the Olympics to Disney cartoons." He put his head back on his headrest. "That was when Steve was just a tiny, weedy little kid from Brooklyn with a list of medical complaints longer than your arm."

"_By now, we're all communicating from anywhere on Earth and in 1969 from somewhere else._"

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." Neil Armstrong proudly announces as footage appears of the moon landing on a TV screen inside a mock-up of a 60's living room.

"What?!" Steve shouted in disbelief. "No fucking way!" He leaned forward to look at the TV screen to the left of him, almost crushing Sam as he did so. "Why did nobody _say_ you stuck a man on the moon?!"

"Cap, we put 12 guys on the moon-wasn't it on your list to check out?"

"Yeah, but all that crap happened in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, so I didn't get the chance to check everything on that list out." Steve said sheepishly.

"Yeah it was almost 15, but uh... Just Google 'Apollo 13' on the Internet some day..." Sam trailed off.

"_To send a man to the moon, we had to invent a new language, spoken not by man, but by computers. At first very large, very expensive computers, but we see the potential."_

"Not kidding." Steve said. "I'm used to carrying around like three on me at any one time."

"So am I." Sam replied.

"_What if everyone could have one of these amazing machines in their own house? There's just one problem: They're as big as a house. The solution comes in of all places, a garage in California._"

"Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs." Tony rolled his eyes. "My Stark Pads are a million times better than their _iPads_ could ever hope to be."

"Their _iPhones_ are pretty great though." Bruce shrugged and Tony frowned.

"_Young people with a passion for shaping the future put the power of the computer in everyone's hands. Together we form a super network that goes with billions of interactions, and once again we stand on the brink of a new Renaissance._"

"Yeah, one that Stark Industries will bring about." Tony said smugly.

"Will you shut the _fuck_ up about Stark Industries, Tony?!" Bruce hissed angrily. "I'm literally _one _more mention of your goddamned company away from Hulking out."

"Stark Industries." Tony muttered.

"Shut your fucking mouth." Bruce growled.

"_After 30,000 years of time travel, here we are, a truly global community, poised to shape the future of this, our Spaceship Earth._"

"This is why this time travel vehicle is named Spaceship Earth, is it not?" Thor asked.

"It's a ride, Thor." Maria explained. "Time travel doesn't exist yet."

"Maybe not on Midgard, but on _Asgard_..."

"Thor, shh." Maria said. "We're not _on_ Asgard are we? Drop it."

"_Please remain seated._" A voice said. "_Your time machine is rotating backwards for your return to Earth._"

"See!" Thor boomed triumphantly.

"_In preparation for your return to Earth, your time machine is now rotating backward_."

"We _are_ time traveling!" Thor shouted again.

"That ghost man said we are! Much like the ghost man at Man of Iron's Avengers tower, back in New York."

"No, that's _not_ like JARVIS." Maria shook her head. "These are lines pre-recorded by a man, JARVIS is an AI."

"What, pray tell, does 'pre-recorded' mean?"

"It means..." Maria sighed. "It means someone recorded those lines ahead of time, so that we would hear them now."

"Does that not mean we can time travel?"

"Stop trying to prove we're time traveling, Thor, you won't succeed."

"_For the first time in history, all of us can have a say about the kind of world we want to live in. The choices we have made for the past 30,000 years have been inventing the future one day at a time. And now, it's your turn. Let's have some fun creating the future, shall we? On your computer screen, answer a few questions for us. Then, we'll show you a new world, custom made just for you. Ready?_"

Clint tapped absently on the phrases in front of him as he typed on his SHIELD issue phone. He was texting his handler, Phil Coulson.

**Where are you?**

Clint wrote. He had a reply almost immediately.

**Hollywood studios**

**Were at Epcot. You going to the 50's resturant place?**

Clint smirked as he typed. He received a reply quickly, once again.

**No why?**

**Theyre on e of the only places in dnisey world to serve alcohol**

Clint typed back quickly and sent, despite the multiple spelling errors.

**I dont drink.**

Coulson's reply came quicker than usual.

**Youre not onnduty**

Clint shook his head as he typed. Coulson could never relax and have a drink. Except for that _one_ New Year's Eve where three shots, a vodka double and a beer made him go ga-ga and miss the ball drop. He'd passed out drunk by 10pm. It was hard for Clint to believe that it was the year Phil died.

**No but I habe my kids with me**

The reply came while Clint was thinking.

**Go have a drink!**

Clint wrote urgingly. All he wanted was his buddy/father figure to have a good time and if you can't do that on vacation, when can you?

**Clint, I havnt had alcohol since I died. My tolarence has porbablt gone down since you knew me**

The last text made Clint wonder if Phil _was_ actually drinking.

**Phil Coulson, I still know you.**

**Still no Clint**

"_Well done! Now along with your answers let's add in some amazing new technology that we happen to know about._"

"Lady Maria, what is this magic happening on this glass?" Thor asked, referring to the moving graphic on the screen in front of them, making and taking away buildings and landscape.

"Thor, it's just a graphic. It's not magic."

"What's a graphic?"

"Like a quick little cartoon made by computers."

"Oh! I know about computers!" He shouted and everyone looked at him. Except Clint, who didn't have his hearing aids turned on. "Man of Iron explained them to me last night in the room of the hotel!"

"That's great, Thor." Maria said quickly. "But can you _please_ be quiet, you're causing a bit of a scene."

"Oh."

"_And now I believe your future is just about ready. Let's take a look, shall we?_"

A video began on the screens in front of the Avengers. "Welcome to the future!" A male voice said cheerily. "_Or should I say **your** future!_"

"Look at you, Bucky!" Natasha laughed, pointing at the pictures of them on the screen. Bucky's face wasn't visible, instead it was his open mouth, laughing. "You look so dumb!"

"Half of _your_ face is covered by your fist and thumb." Bucky said.

"I know." Natasha shrugged. "That was intentional."

"_Here in **your** future, getting away on vacation is a breeze_!" The cheery voice said. "_Your smart suitcase knows where you're going_..."

"If only _I_ had a suitcase like that." Tony sighed. "Oh that's right! I run Stark Industries! I can _make _one!"

"Tony..." Bruce growled.

"Relax, big guy."

"It's hard to relax when you keep pissing me off."

"_You won't have to worry about your pets when you're gone, thanks to handy household robots._" The cheery voice said.

"That is indeed a relief!" Thor smiled. "Whenever I am on Midgard, I worry for my pet wolves and goats, how they must miss me and whether my friends and my mother are taking good care of them."

"You have pet wolves?" Maria asked.

"Well of course." Thor looked confused. "Is that not the typical domesticated animal you keep in Midgard?"

"No..." Maria shook her head slowly. "_Pretty_ sure that's an Asgard thing."

"_You'll never get bored on your journey, because your car's holographic gaming technology keeps you in touch with everybody back home_." The cheery voice said.

"Wow." Steve's eyes widen. "I _gotta_ get Stark to modify my bike. Or maybe I should get a drivers license, get a car and tell Tony to modify it."

"I gotta admit, that would make for a pretty awesome car journey." Sam let out a laugh.

"Oh yeah." Steve nodded. "I'm _so_ doing that before I probably die in Captain America: Civil War."

"Yeah. So am I." Sam looked at the screen in awe. The photos of him and Steve were now flying into outer space.

"_You're outta this world!_" The cheery voice said. "_And into the future!_" Sam and Steve laughed again at the silly faces they pulled. "_The end. Or should I say the __**beginning**. Of **your** future._" The video ended.

"Damn." Steve said. "I _really_ want that to be my future."

"So do I, Cap." Sam said.

"_So here's to the next 30,000 years on Spaceship Earth. While no one knows for sure what we'll see or do, I do know it will be quite an adventure. An adventure that we'll take **and** make together. See you in the future!_"

"Alright! Welcome back, time travelers..." A Cast Member said, but was interrupted by Thor's booming voice.

"See, Lady Maria?! That nice lady said we are time travelers, how are we not?"

"Because she was just adding to the experience of the ride, Thor." Maria said through gritted teeth. "It's called 'Disney Magic'."

"Please watch your step as you exit the ride vehicle." The Cast Member finished. The Avengers all crowded out of their ride vehicles and followed other tourists down a path.

"Is everyone here?" Maria asked, looking around. "Oh my God..." She began to panic. "Clint!" She shouted. "Has anyone seen Clint?!" Natasha pointed to the side of Maria. Maria looked and saw Clint waving back at her. "Clint, don't do that..."

"Maria, I haven't got my aids on. Wait." He said, fiddling with the little devices in his ears. "That's better..." He winced when he heard lots of noise from talking guests. "Ow." He gasped under his breath. The Avengers kept walking and saw a screen with a map and pictures of random people who had been on the ride. "I see you, Tasha!" Clint pointed at the photo of Natasha that had just appeared.

"Yeah, well, I see you too, Clint!" Clint's photo had popped up beside Natasha's. "Clint!" Natasha laughed when she saw that in his photo, Clint's lips were pursed, as if he was giving a kiss.

"There's Bucky-above Clint!" Steve said. "He's laughing!"

"And Steve, you're below Natasha." The photos then disappeared into the map and new photos popped up.

"I see Bruce and Tony-they're in the Pacific and one's above the other!" Bucky pointed at the pictures, which also disappeared into the map.

"There's Thor-with his arms up!" Tony laughed.

"Sam's under Thor and he's sticking his tongue out!" Clint said between laughs.

"And there's Maria!" Sam said excitedly. "She's above me!" The Avengers laughed at their photos before they disappeared onto the map.

"Alright, let's go now." Maria directed the Avengers to the exit.

"But the Midgardian computer generated games..." Thor whined.

"That's right, Point Break." Tony said, "They _are_ computer generated. But we just call them video games."

"But the Midgardian video games..." Thor whined.

"Come on. There's more to Epcot than this." Natasha said. "There's even free soda at Club Cool."

"Yeah." Clint agreed. "And _nothing's_ ever free at Disney World."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Spaceship Earth. I dedicated a chapter to it because it's the icon of Epcot. I also self referenced quite a bit because, why not?**

**I released this now because I have joyous news-I am to be returning to the wonderful world of Walt Disney World Resort in September. Next chapter, we'll be catching up with the Coulsons.**

**I don't own the Avengers or Spaceship Earth or Disney World.**


	12. Hats and Soda and Theme Songs

As Maria led the Avengers out of Spaceship Earth, Thor looked at all the video games longingly. In particular, the 3D human body jigsaw that was near the exit.

"Ah, God!" Tony cried out, fumbling around for his sunglasses. "That sun's blinding!"

"You're telling me." Clint scoffed as he put his sunglasses on.

"Clint!" Natasha said. "Those are your Hawkeye glasses, we're not working now."

"Yeah, dude." Tony frowned. "I spent ages tricking those glasses out for you..."

"Adding a targeting system is _not _tricking out..."

"What if you leave them on Soarin'?"

"I will _not_ leave them on Soarin', Tony."

"Clint, we're getting you a cap."

"Yeah?" Steve asked.

"Not 'cap' as in you, Cap, but 'cap' as in... Hat." Tony sighed.

"If you call him Steve, it avoids this confusion." Bucky smiled.

"We're getting you a hat too, Bucky." Tony said.

"But... I'm wearing a hat."

"And it's a _Mets_ hat, good for you." Natasha began. "But you _need_ a Disney World hat."

"Hey, Maria!" Clint called out. "We're going to Mouse Gear!"

"Where's _that_?" Maria asked.

"Just there." Clint shrugged and pointed to the Mouse Gear shop just ahead of them."

"Well hot damn." Maria muttered to herself. "Yes, we can go. Surprised you want Disney merch, really." Clint just grinned.

"I am very much enjoying this music." Thor said. "It is somewhat relaxing, yet... Exciting at the same time."

"New Age music, Thor." Sam said. "Some of it's alright. I'm not really into all that."

"What music do you like then, Friend Bird?"

"Sam. My name's Sam and we've been over this."

"He likes Marvin Gaye." Steve said.

"Hey, I like _other_ artists too, you know."

"Like who?"

"Like contemporary artists. Imagine Dragons. Jay-Z. And The Who."

"Pretty sure The Who don't count as 'contemporary', Sam." Steve smiled.

"And how would _you_ know, Mister Frozen in Ice for Seventy Years?" Sam smirked and raised his eyebrow. "Frankie Vallie's alright too."

"Frankie Vallie?"

"_Oh what a night_

_Late December back in 63_

_What a very special time for me_

_I remember, what a night_!""

"Wow you can sing, Sam." Bucky laughed in surprise.

"Don't be so surprised, Buck." Sam shook his head. "I may be a soldier-turned-superhero, but I let go too, you know, relax?"

"Yeah, you and Tasha have your dancing, I have my drawing and boxing, Tony has his robots..."

"Dum-E, Butterfingers and U." Sam chuckled at the names. "I just love saying their names."

"Bruce has his nursing, Thor presumably does things in Asgard..."

"Indeed!" Thor boomed. "I go into glorious battle!"

"And that relaxes you?" Sam asked.

"Indeed." Thor nodded. "And after battle, we return home and feast, telling wondrous stories of battle to those who missed out on the glory of going to fight."

"Uh-huh..." Sam hisses though gritted teeth.

"So anyway, Wanda and Pietro play video games, Strange meditates, T'Challa goes jogging and Clint has his... Archery."

"I don't do archery _all_ the time, Cap." Clint snorted.

"What _do_ you do to relax then, Clint?"

"I walk my dog."

"You have a dog?"

"Yeah. His name's Lucky and he likes pizza*."

"He's that one eyed Labrador of yours, isn't he?" Natasha asked and Clint nodded.

"Who's looking after him while you're here, then?" Steve asked.

"My neighbor." Clint shrugged nonchalantly. "Her kids adore Lucky. He's a great dog."

"Alright, what about The Vision, then?" Bucky asked.

"What _about_ The Vision? He's a robot, robots don't _need_ downtime." Steve scoffed.

"Guys, you wanted to shop?" Maria stood at the entrance to the Mouse Gear shop with her arms folded over her Toy Story** t-shirt.

"Yeah, we'll be there now." Steve said, absently. Tony came out of the shop, carrying a bag.

"Who wants hats?!" He cried.

"Natasha walked up to Tony and looked in the bag. "Are you mad-no scratch that, I know you are-but Tony, there's no way in _hell_ I'm wearing... This." She pulled out a pink Disney Princess themed Mickey ear hat from the bag.

"Who says it's for you?" Tony shrugged. "That's for Maria-kins over here."

"Oh no, Stark." Maria shook her head furiously. "I ain't wearing that _monstrosity_ either."

"You said you wanted Disney World hats." Tony whined. "I bought all these for you..."

"And nine Mickey Mouse ear hats at..." Natasha examined the price tag. "$13.95 each is _really_ gonna make a dent in the Stark fortune, isn't it?"

"Uh... Yes." Tony answered.

"My friends!" Thor called out. "Look at that water fountain!" He cried, pointing at the Fountain of Nations in front of them. "It appears to be putting on a show to the battle music."

"Not spectacular exactly, Thor." Clint said. "The Fountain of Nations puts on a show like this every 15 minutes."

"And while we have your attention, Point Break," Tony began, noticing Thor's enchantment to the fountain. "Sort of." He shrugged. "Here's _your_ ear hat." Tony thrust a Goofy themed Mickey ear hat into Thor's hands.

"I shall cherish it always, Man of Iron!" Thor threw his arms around Tony.

"Someone, remind me to build a Thorbuster armor!" Tony choked out.

"I am heartily sorry, my friend." Thor said, setting Tony down gently.

"Thanks, Thor." Tony nodded appreciatively. He pulled a Minnie Mouse headband from the bag and handed it to Natasha. "_This_ is for _you_." She took it and examined it.

"I guess this headband isn't so bad." She sighed. "Thank you, Tony."

"Bruce, this is for you." Tony handed Bruce an Oswald the Lucky Rabbit themed Mickey ears.

"At least it's not Cinderella." Bruce rolled his eyes as he examined the hat. "Oh, look at that." He shook his head. "Monogrammed as 'Hulk', however did you think of that?"

"Hey!" Tony protested. "Just be grateful that 'enormous, green rage monster' didn't fit on there." He turned to Natasha. "And that one actually cost me $16.95."

"You know, he's right, Bruce." Clint said as Tony put a Donald Duck themed ear hat on Clint's head. "And at least he didn't add 'smash' to the end-Tony what is this?"

"Donald Duck and don't worry, I didn't monogram it." Tony said pulling another hat out of the bag. "This one's for Cap-as a sort of peace offering." Steve snatched the hat and looked it over.

"It's just a normal Mickey Mouse hat." Steve blinked after staring blankly at the hat and looked to Tony.

"Yeah, I felt bad about your dislocated shoulder. I'm not 100% a dick, you know."

"That's Star Lord's line."*** Steve raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever. Are you gonna wear it?"

"Bucky, can you help-" Steve began. Bucky took the hat from his hands and pulled the elastic, gently slipping the hat on Steve's head. Steve rubbed his hand over the hat, adjusting it.

"Good?"

"Good. But I'm still not your friend right now, Tony."

"That's right, I forgot. You preferred my father."

"He helped create me, Tony, in a way, that makes him the father of Captain America too!"

The two men stood toe to toe, staring at each other, each daring the other to make the first move. Steve was wearing Mickey Mouse ear hat. Just thought I'd mention that.

"Civil War!" Sam cried out, grabbing Steve's arm, while Natasha dived on Tony's arms and Clint wrestled the bag out of Tony's hand.

"No fighting!" Maria said loudly. Both Steve and Tony's heads snapped to face her. "Please. You did so well earlier this morning. This is still Disney World. Just because this park is more adult oriented, doesn't mean you can lash out at each other here."

"Wait..." Tony tried-and failed-to release himself from Natasha's grip. "_How_ is it more adult oriented?"

"They have a pub crawl..."

"Oh, _now_ you've done it." Clint shook his head.

"Yeah. That man's a perpetual alcoholic-it's all over the fucking tabloids, Maria." Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Well I don't read tabloids. No value." Maria shrugged.

"Maybe you _should_ if they involve Tony Stark." Sam scoffed.

"Alright, Natasha, let him go." Maria sighed. Natasha grunted angrily as she let go of Tony's arms. Following Natasha's lead, Sam loosened his grip on Steve's wrist.

"Who's this for?" Clint sighed, taking a Dumbo eat hat out of the bag.

"You." Tony said bluntly.

"Oh ha ha." Clint said sarcastically. "It's because I was brought up in the circus, isn't it?"

Tony blinked blankly at Clint. "I didn't know that."

"Oh." Clint muttered softly. "Hold this, Nat." He handed the hat to Natasha, who grabbed it by the elastic strap. He took another hat out of the bag-Buzz Lightyear. "Who's this for then?"

"Sam." Tony said. "Because of their jet pack wing things, I thought they could be like... Kindred spirits or something."

"I'm guessing this one's yours." Clint rolled his eyes and handed Tony an R2D2 themed hat.

"And you guessed right."

"So that means this normal Mickey ear hat belongs to Bucky?"

"Yeah. I didn't think they'd understand like... Ariel or Perry the Platypus, so I got them plain Mickey ears."

"There's still one left."

"Yeah, I got it for Fury."

"And you _really_ think he'll appreciate _this_?" Clint took the last hat from the bag-it was one themed around Pirates of the Caribbean.

"No _way_ am I carrying that around!" Maria shouted.

"You know he'd just kill you for that, right? Like there and then." Sam shrugged.

"What was that shrug for?" Tony asked.

"Just saying, it's _your_ funeral."

"Sam's exactly right, Tony." Natasha folded her arms. "Now get rid of it, before I get rid of _you_."

* * *

><p>Over at Hollywood Studios, Phil Coulson and his children were waiting for the next showing of the Disney Junior show. Though he preferred his kids watch<em> Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood<em>, _Sesame Street_ and _Arthur_, Phil also let them watch other shows on other channels. The channel they loved most after _PBS Kids_ was Disney Junior. Max loved Jake and the Neverland Pirates and Dana-predictably-loved Sofia the First.

"Daddy, is it gonna start soon?" Dana asked.

"Yes." Phil said, playing with his phone. Yes, he _had_ taken this vacation to spend time with his kids, but he didn't really care about kids TV shows.

"Dad, what's it gonna be like?" Max asked.

"Puppets, I think." Phil said absently.

"Like _Sesame Street_?" Dana cocked her head. Phil couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah. I think so."

"Which Disney characters will be in it, Daddy?"

"The map says Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Doc McStuffins, Sofia the First and Jake and the Neverland Pirates." Phil said.

"Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!" Dana bounced around excitedly, while Max pulled at Phil's Donald Duck t-shirt.

"Kids, calm down, it's just puppets."

"But, Daddy." Dana looked up at Phil, sadly. "I love Sofia."

"I know you do. And we'll go meet her after this is done-and we'll do the same with Jake, Max."

"I can't wait!" Max shouted. "I wanna meet Jake!"

"_After_ we see the show." Phil said firmly. "And then we're going to see the Little Mermaid show..."

"Yay!" Dana squealed.

"And then we're gonna meet Hiro and Baymax from Big Hero 6." Phil finished. He winced when he heard his kids screaming loudly and was _very_ grateful when the show started.

* * *

><p>"Lady Maria, Friend Clint, what is this contraption and how does it give free drinks?" Thor asked. The Avengers were all in Club Cool, getting free sodas from around the world. The only one who couldn't figure out how the soda dispenser worked was Thor. He was still convinced it was magic.<p>

"You put your cup here, under the tap, and then you press the button." Clint said as he gave a demonstration.

"Does this dispense Asgardian mead?"

"No, Thor." Maria shook her head. "Only earth-Midgard drinks."

"Hey, Point Break!" Tony shouted. "Try the Beverly!"

"Tony! That's cruel!" Bruce held back his sniggers.

"Shh!" Tony brought his finger to his mouth and held in his laughter as they watched Thor pour himself a drink of Beverly.

"You think he'll drink it?"

"'S what I'm hoping." Tony laughed softly as Thor downed the Beverly like a shot.

"By Odin!" Thor shouted and everyone turned to look at him. "This is quite possibly the worst thing I have _ever_ had the misfortune of tasting!" Thor put his hand out, as if to summon his hammer. Before he could, however, Natasha walked in front of him.

"Thor, calm down. It's just a drink."

"But, Lady Natasha..." He whined. "It is _too_ bitter!"

"Yeah." Steve raised his eyebrows. "It's an experience, all right.." He scoffed and poured himself another drink of a different soda.

"Thor, just try another flavor soda, before you level this place." Maria thrust another cardboard cup into Thor's hand.

"If you insist, Lady Maria..." Thor poured himself another soda.

* * *

><p>The soda tastings session didn't last long, however, since Thor went hyperactive from all the soda he'd downed.<p>

"Any idea how to calm him down?" Tony asked as the Avengers all walked towards Future World East and tourists were staring at Thor, who was bouncing around like a child and singing.

"None at all." Maria shook her head in despair.

"I could shoot him with my sedative arrow." Clint suggested.

"But you left your bow and quiver in your hotel room." Natasha pointed out.

"If I had superpowers like the rest of you, they would be the ability to teleport places where I left my bow and quiver." Clint smiled. Thor bumped into Steve, who quickly clutched his injured shoulder.

"Watch it, Thor!" Steve shouted. "Or do I need to carry my shield on me at all times?"

"If you carried your shield, Friend Captain, I would not yield." Thor said smugly.

"What the fuck, Thor?" Bucky asked.

"When you would _throw_ your shield, I also would fail to yield."

"Oh no." Steve whispered and his eyes widened in horror.

"_When Captain America throws his mighty shield_!" Thor sang loudly.

"Oh God, no..." Steve buried his head in his hand.

"_All those who chose to oppose his shield must yield!_

_If he is lead to a fight and a duel is due_

_Then the red and the white and the blue will come through!_

_When Captain America throws his mighty shield_!"

"Thor, are you quite done?" Maria asked.

"Indeed, Lady Maria." Thor nodded. "Man of Iron, are you aware you have a song too?"

"You don't say, Thor, I..."

"_Tony Stark makes you feel_

_He is a cool exec with a heart of steel_!" Thor sang loudly, cutting Tony off.

"_As Iron Man, all jets ablaze_!

_He is fighting and smiting with repulsor rays!_

_Amazing armor_! _That's Iron Man_!

_A blazing power_! _That's Iron Man_!"

"... Prefer Black Sabbath, actually." Tony finished. "Seriously, who came up with that shit?"

"At least I'm not the only one to be humiliated!" Steve laughed Tony glared at him.

"And you too, Friend Banner!"

"No, Thor!" Everyone shouted.****

"There's been enough embarrassment of Avengers here today."

"_Spider Man_! _Spider Man_!

_Does whatever a spider can_!"

"Here, suck on this!" Tony pulled a small Mickey Mouse lollipop from his backpack.

"This is a most interesting item, Man of Iron." Thor examined the lollipop. "May I take it back to Asgard for analysis?"

"There's nothing to analyze." Tony shook his head. "You take off the plastic wrapper, put it in your mouth and suck it. That's why you call it a sucker."

"Tony, you idiot." Maria hissed. "Now he's gonna be even _more_ hyperactive!"

"Hey, as long as he's not embarrassing us, it's fine." Tony shrugged as Thor put the lollipop in his mouth.

"_When Captain America throws his mighty shield_!" Thor sang mumbled and loudly, prompting a loud groan from Steve and a hearty laugh from Bucky.

"I guess nothing will shut him up." Tony said. "We just have to wait for him to come down off his sugar crash."

"Then let's _not_ take him on Journey into Imagination." Sam scoffed. "He'd _never_ stop singing that imagination One Little Spark song."

"I know what'll calm him down." Natasha said happily. "Living With the Land!"

"Why will _that_ calm him down?" Steve asked.

"Because, Steve, it's so dull it can put you to sleep." She explained. "If it can put _you_ to sleep, it'll calm down a hyperactive demi-God on a sugar rush."

"Then we'd better go." Bruce said urgently. "Before he starts singing _my_ old theme song."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So the first thing I should mention is that these songs ****_are_ real and they're on YouTube. **

**The second, nobody _really_ likes the Beverly at Epcot, it's horrible and bitter and just not nice in general. I thought about what Thor's reaction would be and that was the result. **

**The third, I _really_ like those Mickey ear hats and all the ones I mentioned are totally available, either online or on the Internet somewhere.**

**Fourth, yay! The first mentions of Doctor Strange and The Vision!**

**Fifth, I don't own the Avengers, or Spiderman or the song December 1963 by Frankie Vallie and the Four Seasons.**

**And finally, Coulson has little kids. Yes he'll be watching and meeting Disney Jr characters.**

***From Matt Fraction and David Aja's 2012-2015 Hawkeye run. Clint owns a dog named Lucky who he rescued from a bunch of east Europeans with track suits who kicked the poor thing into traffic, causing him to lose his eye. Check out the comics if you haven't already done so. **

****Pretend that Joss Whedon _didn't_ co-write Toy Story in the Avengers universe. Or that he did and Avengers isn't a movie. Or that Whedon doesn't exist or something. Or that he did write Toy Story and the Avengers, since the characters are aware they're movie/comic book characters anyway. But yeah. Joss Whedon co-wrote Toy Story. **

*****In the Guardians of the Galaxy movie, Star Lord sends a message to Nova Corps officer Rhomann Dey saying he 'may be an a hole, but isn't 100% a dick". Nova Prime Irani Rael asked "do you believe that?" to which Dey replied "I don't believe anyone's 100% a dick, Ma'am." So technically not Star Lord who said it, but he sent the message, so who really cares?**

******They stop Thor from singing the Hulk's song because it's so embarrassing. Seriously. When I first saw it, I laughed for half an hour straight and thought I was going to die. **


End file.
